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What are some positives?
What are some positives?
It's easy to complain about the changes in a loved one with dementia, as they are, in many ways, not the same person we have spent life with for many decades. But an interesting exercise is to list some of the positives. As a 24/7 caregiver for my wife (60 years together) I find there are still many good things:
She still laughs occasionally, and has the same beautiful smile.
She does 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles, completing 12 to 14 a year.
She has been faithful for over 60 years.
We enjoy each other's company much of the time, and are generally tolerant of our quirks and annoying habits.
She has curiosity about a lot of things, and asks a lot of questions.
She no longer strongly resists Dr appointments.
She now is accepting her inability to drive.
She takes all medications when I give them to her.
She still can be quite personable when we get together for family gatherings.
She sleeps soundly and since I am an early riser, I have a couple of hours of private time every morning.
She likes doing dishes, and although I am willing to install a dishwasher, she would rather we do them the old fashioned way.
She loves to go with me when I sing and play for nursing homes.
She doesn't like to walk, but is willing to do a mile every couple of days with me.
She is willing to attend church and Bible study with me.
So, in short, there are still a lot of things to be grateful for. Love continues, it's just a little different.
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@chris20 That is so beautiful! I’m so glad that you suggested that others do it, too!
If you asked a family member to add to the list, what do you think they might say?
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3 ReactionsI think the first thing they would say, and I neglected to put on the list, is that she is still home and not in assisted living or passed, as one Dr, a gerontologist predicted would have transpired two or three years ago.
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5 Reactions@chris20 so, just write a one or two sentence and say that!!
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1 ReactionI'm not sure what you mean.
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1 ReactionThank you for this, Chris. Your attitude helps you to be an excellent caregiver for your wife, I’m sure. My Father is end stage LBD and bedridden at home, not very responsive most days, but 95% of the time, when I go to say goodbye, he reaches out his hand to me, we hug, he might rub my back or kiss me on the cheek and I’m able to hear him tell me he loves me. There are other moments of lucidity where he smiles at his great-granddaughter, laughs at something my Mom says, or after a week of not eating, suddenly says “I want a hot dog!” We enjoy the small positives.
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6 ReactionsThank you for this note, Tracy, it's good to hear you are finding uplifting moments too. I have noticed, much to my surprise, that my wife is becoming more affectionate, when for years that seemed to be fading. Another blessing!
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5 Reactions@chris20 I meant that if several people have mentioned that you neglected to say that your wife is still home and has not passed, then you should add it to your list of What are Some Positives!