At what point are you considered alone forever?

"M" showed up as expected, sat & we chatted. It took no more than 5 minutes for each of us to justify the reason we do this.
We shared brief synopses of each other's life; the cat approved; I enjoyed the typical compliments a person gets when somebody new sees your stuff.
I think it was a successful "1st date." 🤣😂

@texasguy1962, interesting topic to kick-off an active discussion with many perspectives. It sounds like you do well with your own company. Your not depressed and not suffering from loneliness, but you'd also like to share more moments with others or one other in particular. That sounds pretty darn reasonable in my opinion.

I'd be interested to hear how you felt after writing out your post and after hearing from others. What do you wish, if anything, to change? What is in your control to change or accept?

Thank you to those who commented, many of whom seem to be in the same boat, just at different times. I do volunteer here and there, mainly rescue dog stuff. Just haven't run across anyone there that I have an interest in that way. I have done some internet dating, don't get me started...lol. I always get asked what I am looking for, I never mention marriage but pretty much the rest of the stuff in the original post is mentioned. I have a hard time explaining it without sounding like a horse's ass (is ass allowed here?) but it seems every woman I meet in my age range has nothing. Just saying it out loud sounds horrible even to me (and I freely admit it) but I can support myself decently with my retirement but I can't support both of us as nicely. And I don't plan on lowering my standard of living and I darn sure don't plan on finding a job...lol. But I meet these women that are my age with no hope to retirement, own nothing to their name, yet can barely make a car payment... not to mention any type of health insurance. I made a few decisions right in my life and fortunately allowed me to retire early with decent benefits, I never forget I am lucky in that regard but I can't afford to add anyone to my insurance and I definitely can't pay for you to have surgery out of my pocket, but you can't afford it either so guess what? It would come down to me.. and I don't want to be financially unstable at this point in my life. And I honestly mean these women I meet have zero, zilch, nada.... and don't expect to.

I can't really talk seriously about this to anyone, you know to my friends I am always the problem solver, the listener, the strong one that can make complicated decisions. I am just not the one that has issues I can't figure out. Thanks for the comments, even from the social worker (moderator) of the group. I say social worker because I have a very old friend that I used to work with that is a social worker. I would laugh at her and tell her that talking to her did no good because she never answered my questions but instead asked me how that made me feel. When I would say that, of course her next reply was "and how does that make you feel"..... lol.

I am not sure how typing it out made me feel unless it made it even more real than it was. But I don't think it made it worse...lol. Oh, and you can let me have it about how crappy I sound with the whole support and lifestyle thing.... I expect it and I can take it and I will freely admit it sounds terrible but it's pretty real.... Thanks!

Hi @texasguy1962
I understand where you are coming from. I am close to you in age (1961), been divorced for a long time, haven’t dated for in several years to focus on goals and for many of the same reasons you stated. I dated more early after my divorce, but got tired of the drama and meeting men who were either living in mom’s basement or were going thru long drawn out divorces. Or, were looking for someone who would cook, clean, wash their clothes and always the pressure for the physical too soon. At that time I had younger children and was not looking for another dependent! I was working, making house payments, car payments, etc., and did not need someone who could not support or take care of themselves. Now my children are adults, I am still working, have a condo, make all of my payments, have a little set aside and will retire with a pension on top of SS. That said, I still can’t afford a dependent. This is not uncommon. If I happen to meet the right man, it might be nice to spend time together and be there for each other. I value my peace. Will I be alone for the duration, it is likely, but you never know. You are not alone, just honest!

Alone is not a bad thing. Besides......you have yourself and God, so you are not alone. God helps those who help themselves.

It cracked me up too hearing about that payed stranger part. But I know how you felt, and also would like to hear how it went for you.
(I’m 83, my husband passed away last July, after very good eight years of marriage, and even though I miss him, I am starting also to look at the positives of being by myself again.)
Friends had talked me into going online before I met him, I stated I wanted a companion only, then kissed a few frogs before I found my prince, a travel partner with whom I had a lot in common, like my love for the outdoors, history, etc.
But I started to really care about my new companion, and guess what? We got married and I have never regretted it!
So I suggest to keep an open mind. Follow your heart - you are still young!, and let life happen.

@texasguy1962 It sounds to me that you have built a good life yourself but miss the companionship. A few years after my divorce when I was ready to date again, like you, I seemed to meet men who were deeply in debt, and had poor work histories. I met these men online but that was almost 20 years ago so I don’t know what that would be like now. When my husband and I separated and divorced I had good and secure work and I stayed in that position until I retired. I built up a nice nest egg for retirement. I met a man through our mutual interest of playing music at a local jam session. He and I got together as friends for at least 6 or 7 months before we decided we wanted to try it as a couple. We are still together after 16 years. He is conservative with his finances as am I, we both owned our own homes when we met and to this day we give one another a lot of emotional space.

For myself I like to avoid words like “never”, “always” or “forever”. Too final and black and white. So, here is just a suggestion. How about if you continue to live your life and do the things you enjoy? You can leave yourself open to a relationship should it appear. There are women out there who do not want to be dependent on someone else. I know this because I’m one of them. I worked hard to be where I am and I’m going to give that up.

What do you like to do or where do you go where you are likely to meet others in a friendly atmosphere?

I just love your story. Belated condolences on the loss of your sweet hubby.
I've got two marriages behind me, no regrets.
The female companion was fine for a visit and I may do that again.
I am not looking to remarry or even find a romantic partner. I have barely enough energy to take care of myself, have nothing to offer emotionally, and the poor fool would end up being my caretaker.
I admire your positive attitude & just for life!
Thanks for your comment.

At this point in my life I think I can definitely be considered to be alone. It has been almost 3 years since my husband died. We were together for 62 years. In a few months I am looking at my 90th birthday. I have two sons, but one kicked me out of his family and the other lives far, far away. I have always had trouble meeting and interacting with people and therefore have almost no friends. I am fortunate that in this time of my life I do not have dementia, or any other of the horrible diseases that a lot of "older" people have. I live in my own home, I can and do drive, even on freeways. I do not feel my age. But at the end of the day I am alone. We cannot know how many more years are left but at my age there couldn't be too many. But again, I think I can certainly be considered to be alone.

Alone forever? When you quit hoping, quit looking.

Hoping you have not.
Hoping to hear from you.