“Memory loss teaches us not to entrance ourselves in the repetitive.”

I am sorry this upset you. Was probably more of a shock because you had just left the hospital and probably frail. I cannot imagine the grief your sister is going through and only hope you are able to support her emotionally rather than mirror your own grief.

Your quote made me think about the parts of my husband that are still there. The parts I can still cherish even though his memory is going. As I spent a few moments thinking about it, I found there are many parts I can still hold onto and cherish. Thanks for posting that.

I was particularly low yesterday and cried through Mass as I prayed for strength and hope to keep going. Then last night I discovered my husband had started hiding his aricept instead of taking it and this coincided with his most recent confusion increase! My prayers were answered by direction and I can refocus on our love. Thank you, everyone for your comforting thoughts! It so very much helps to know someone else is out there just to hold hands across this great divide!

boppi, this is very common with those who have dementia and sometimes just an elderly person, my mother is 99, just noticed that she was not taking her meds as prescribed, so now the AL will bring them to her and watch her take them.

Aricept only works for a period of time than nothing, it is not a cure, it just slows own the process until it doesn't.

My mother is in AL, my 86 yo step-mother is in MC, she was fairly stable for several years now the shade is coming down at a fast pace.

The person we once knew is gone, their minds are broken. It is a terrible disease.

Sending support your way!

When the overload comes with what is happening to you and your LO, embrace those tears. A cry may not change a thing, but with an exhausting purge, there might be a bit of lightness to the spirit and maybe a good nap.
We have been dealing with what must be one of the most prolonged, slowest declines for almost ten years now. Although at 86 and 94, we still go out together occasionally for groceries and lunch or breakfast, these events are now more of a hunt to track the permanency of losses or a tiny transient win than a social happening. Getting used to ever-changing goalposts has ensured I will never understand this game without rules, no matter how hard I try.--Still, as this plays out for us in slow motion, it has allowed me to use observation of my sweet Hubbie as a tool. I have found that looking at behavior as if I were watching a film allows me to be less emotional when trying to get inside the confusion my boy tries to handle. Shepherding him back to a safe space where he is not confused or threatened reminds me that we are still a loving team, even without hugs and kisses. -- And above all, do not forget you are the one in the relationship that has been graced with cognitive abilities. Being another person's rock is impossible if you do not care for yourself. Take free moments for something creative, something silly. Plan ahead and have materials at the ready. Don't waste those precious few minutes looking for the pen, the paints, your sewing needles, that puzzle. Watch something that makes you laugh. I live in Michigan where sunshine is fickle. After a scarcity, we are on our third glorious day. I'm heading out for five minutes for a bit of healing and plan to take you with me. GloRo

dolly, you're right this is a terrible disease!! I'm in the process of placing my 63 year old husband in a MC facility because his dementia has progressed faster that i thought it would and I can no longer take care of him by myself AND still enjoy the little bit of memory he has left. He also has progressive primary aphasia... so the communication is almost non existent, because what he DOES say really doesnt' make any sense. So there really is no more conversations about anything. He might start out with joining me in a conversation but it quickly turns into a lot of gibberish or something totally different. Not to mention the angry tendencies he has started to show. If he doesn't like something I say to him, like "time to put your seatbelt on before we go" he will verbally lash out to me sometimes with swear words and this very mean look on his face. His response to alot of the anger is "I know how to do it" or "You don't need to tell me...I KNOW!" and a lot of other angry repsonses.
I was told in the beginning that caregiving is hard...i just didn't know HOW hard. He was diagnosed in 2021 and i'm already having to make this decision when I thought I would have more years with him home with me. I've had and am still having alot of sleepless nites about this but I remind myself that this is going to be best for both of us. He will be around others that are going thru the same things (and he has mentioned on occassion that he wants to be around "peoples" that are like him)...i admit, I have kept him isolated but didn't realize it fully. I feel that having someone else be his caregiver will enable me to reap the benefits of having my husband back, if only for a moment. and enjoy him once again...and let him take his frustrations and anger of someone who is trained for this type of thing. I truly believe that persons that work with dementia and alz patients do so because of a "calling" not just a job.
Sending support and hugs your way!!

Yes, in fact, she called me this morning and told me they went to the assisted living place yesterday and signed the paperwork. My 73 year old hero will move in on 4.17.
She and I had plans for me to visit her home later this month so I could sell my art at a craft fair being held in their "over 55" community, where they bought a 3000 sq ft house 3.5 years ago. If not for my brother in law's back, which requires surgery, he would still be able to stay. Meaning, but for the dementia, he could have surgery to repair is back that is injured from years of working as a produce manager at Safeway. Now, there is someone who could pick out the best fruit or vegetable you could ever ask for. When she called me today, she said, "I am going to need your help." She has never asked for help of me before, ever. I, being ten years younger, have always asked her for help, so now it is my turn to be her "big sister," the one she does not have. I have assured her that I will do everything and anything she asks of me, regardless of my own health issues. That's what we do for those we love, right? Oh, I have that other "non sister" who disowned me years ago, but guess what. My big sister asked for MY help, and that makes me feel just terrific. I have given her my word that we do not have to do the Swedish Death Cleaning that I just did, donating half of my apartment to the Cancer Society, but she does want me to help her take some things to the Cancer Society, where I actually volunteered for 8 years. All good stuff. I am working on making her a "playlist" on YouTube tonight so that we can both listen to "happy-sad" music together. LOL. Given we are both hearing impaired, I can play it as loud as I want. I just added Miracle of Love by the Eurythmics. Good song. Boy, what a week. Thank you very much for your response. I appreciate you/

I use that same method of observing my husband as if in a film. It keeps me sane and him safe and does not add my emotions to the situations. (Well, mostly!)

Thank you! You are a warm and wise and beautiful person to hold my hand when you are struggling yourself. I am learning to be kinder and let my love for this man express itself more. Such an unexpected turn in our lives. God Bless You, always!

Dear Boopi, Believe me, like you, I am a work in progress. Today, we went out on the front lawn and watched the Sun's eclipse together. After a few minutes, Sweet Boy lost interest, got a basket, and cleared off the remains of the pine cones on the lawn. Nothing lasts very long, but he is mostly happy, and I am sure the lawn care service will appreciate his efforts. I never disturb him if he is happily helping unless I see that look of confusion that needs an intervention on my part. I haven't quite figured out how back-and-forth works on this site. At 86, technology is both a blessing and a curse. But, if you want to correspond occasionally, I will do my best to answer. GloRo