Is it MCI or Dementia?

Posted by tay1 @tay1, Mar 17 1:53pm

My Significant Other and I have been together for 29 years. For as long as I have known him, he has had a poor memory. Lately he seems to have more memory lapses - doesn’t remember even recent events. His hearing is really bad too and I don’t know if he is just ignoring me, or really can’t hear. He can’t seem to focus on more than a couple things at a time. He has a cell phone and can’t remember how to do things, even though I have shown him multiple times. This has become a very real irritant to me. He gets upset with me if I ask him if I can see his phone because I don’t know what he is doing - doesn’t explain well enough. He tells me to tell him what to do on his phone and I can’t help if he won’t let me see it. Then he tells me to just show him what to do but he doesn’t remember even if I show him. I lose patience a lot! I have days where I vow to myself that I will not be impatient, and then he does or says something that triggers me and I get upset. My tone can be pretty harsh along with my facial expressions and words. I love him but he is driving me crazy. How do I learn to cope with this?! He is 84 in April. I am 78 and I have a good memory but he accuses me of not knowing what I’m talking about. Lately I feel like may be I am losing my memory and mind. In addition to all this, he walks stooped over and says he can’t stand up because his back hurts. His feet hurt. He has neuropathy. Everyday it is a new health issue. He orders every supplement he can think of or that he reads about. Sorry for the rant but I don’t know how to deal with this. We play memory card games and he is pretty good at that if he stays focused. We play ping pong almost everyday and love doing that together. And we try to walk a little everyday. I think others have noticed his decline but I am hesitant to mention my concerns and they don’t mention it either. What can I do for him?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

@frances007

in reply @tay1 There is a very good article in last week's Epoch Times which discusses the fact that many are diagnosed with dementia, when in fact, there is something else going on. I would encourage you to find the article online and read it, and perhaps you will find some of the content useful.
best of luck

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Do you recall the title of the article? Trying to find it. Thanks!

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@frances007

in reply @tay1 There is a very good article in last week's Epoch Times which discusses the fact that many are diagnosed with dementia, when in fact, there is something else going on. I would encourage you to find the article online and read it, and perhaps you will find some of the content useful.
best of luck

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I found it. Thank you!

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@tay1

That is a very good point. I always think he must hate me when I get irritated at him because he can’t remember or when I explain something to him that seems so simple to me and he doesn’t get it. I will say, “Do you understand what I said?” and he will say “No, but forget it.” If I press further, he gets upset. I need to learn to just leave it alone and not care if he “doesn’t get it”. That is so frustrating to me because I always want to understand what someone tells me and I feel like that is important to everyone - to understand. Even when I try to re-word or make it simple, he has a difficult time understanding. When that happens, I need to remind myself to stop with the explanations!

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Hi, @tay1 Your post reminded me of something my wife’s neuro-oncologist told my family and me early on in her journey. He said we needed to always remember: “when the brain is broken, logic rarely works”. Remembering this over the years helped me let a lot of my wife’s questioning roll off my back often with just a ‘sure, honey’ or simply an ‘OK’.

It also helped me realize I needed to pick only battles that truly mattered.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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@IndianaScott

Hi, @tay1 Your post reminded me of something my wife’s neuro-oncologist told my family and me early on in her journey. He said we needed to always remember: “when the brain is broken, logic rarely works”. Remembering this over the years helped me let a lot of my wife’s questioning roll off my back often with just a ‘sure, honey’ or simply an ‘OK’.

It also helped me realize I needed to pick only battles that truly mattered.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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Thank you! I joined the group because I need encouragement and reminders from members like you who have been through it - and it sounds like you were able to gain the ability to “let it go”! I need to remember this and I thank you for your kind words and advice. I cry inside daily because this is a very real loss of the man I love. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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@tay1

Thank you! I joined the group because I need encouragement and reminders from members like you who have been through it - and it sounds like you were able to gain the ability to “let it go”! I need to remember this and I thank you for your kind words and advice. I cry inside daily because this is a very real loss of the man I love. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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Thanks for the kind words, @tay1 I first came to Connect due to the stress and isolation of caregiving. I'm glad you found it too.

My wife fought her war for over 14 years, we were married for 41, and I still miss her every day.

Hang in there!
Strength, Courage, & Peace

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@tay1

That is a very good point. I always think he must hate me when I get irritated at him because he can’t remember or when I explain something to him that seems so simple to me and he doesn’t get it. I will say, “Do you understand what I said?” and he will say “No, but forget it.” If I press further, he gets upset. I need to learn to just leave it alone and not care if he “doesn’t get it”. That is so frustrating to me because I always want to understand what someone tells me and I feel like that is important to everyone - to understand. Even when I try to re-word or make it simple, he has a difficult time understanding. When that happens, I need to remind myself to stop with the explanations!

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First of all, hang in there and hang in here. Most of us can relate. I also get the mistrust of the medical system and I even have a hard time with the Alzheimers association. Right now I am feeling like they are looking for a new magical drug when there are over 120 different types of dementia and within each are many different sub illnesses. Regarding supplements, we are on many but all have been recommended by a professional either neuropsychologist or physician-not my husband's geriatrician or PCP-neither is up on any of the research on the supplements. Even so, we did have evaluations by a geriatrician who specializes in dementia and have had sleep studies, blood work and neurospsych evaluations. My husband has MCI-not sure of causation but could be mercury - he worked with it for years as a dentist. Also vascular-he has Raynaud's syndrome -cold hands and feet and the brain MRI (which is very important) showed normal aging 6 years ago and a year ago showed some ischemia in the brain.
All that from within the medical system.
I also want to add that my husband's PCP is a best friend and we are going to change to a new concierge physician within the year as I feel his friend is too close to the situation and gets too sad about it and can go into denial.

This is hard but I am savoring every moment and forgiving myself when I blow it at communication. I have said he doesn't remember when I am at my worst. Thank you for sharing.

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My husband has been diagnosed by his neurologist as having Vascular Dementia and Lewy Body Dementia. I would really like to be part of a support group for caregivers of dementia. I have so many questions. We feel like we have gotten more information and support from his PCP than his Neurologist. If there is a group on here for caregivers, I would really appreciate being able to join. Also, I just had a total right knee replacement surgery on February 22nd. I don’t see my surgeon again until April 2nd. I have some concerns and wonder if there is anyone on here dealing with knee replacement issues?
Thank you!

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@maryvc

First of all, hang in there and hang in here. Most of us can relate. I also get the mistrust of the medical system and I even have a hard time with the Alzheimers association. Right now I am feeling like they are looking for a new magical drug when there are over 120 different types of dementia and within each are many different sub illnesses. Regarding supplements, we are on many but all have been recommended by a professional either neuropsychologist or physician-not my husband's geriatrician or PCP-neither is up on any of the research on the supplements. Even so, we did have evaluations by a geriatrician who specializes in dementia and have had sleep studies, blood work and neurospsych evaluations. My husband has MCI-not sure of causation but could be mercury - he worked with it for years as a dentist. Also vascular-he has Raynaud's syndrome -cold hands and feet and the brain MRI (which is very important) showed normal aging 6 years ago and a year ago showed some ischemia in the brain.
All that from within the medical system.
I also want to add that my husband's PCP is a best friend and we are going to change to a new concierge physician within the year as I feel his friend is too close to the situation and gets too sad about it and can go into denial.

This is hard but I am savoring every moment and forgiving myself when I blow it at communication. I have said he doesn't remember when I am at my worst. Thank you for sharing.

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Thank you! How do I forgive myself every time I “blow up”?!! Already had a few incidents today and the day hasn’t even ended. He can’t hear, for one thing. I told him he needs to see a doctor for his ears (should not have “TOLD” him, I know) and he came back with “Well, you are just mumbling”. So I talked louder, and he got angry. I have had wax buildup in my ears so I know how it feels when you can’t hear and it is not a good feeling! When that happens to me, I feel like he is mumbling. Then I wanted to order him some compression socks and he got irritated about that because he wants to try (AGAIN) the ones he bought before that he hated and gave to me. I said ok but I will order some for myself so I can see if they might work for you and he said I wasn’t listening to him. I had to walk away and scream into a blanket! God forgive me! 😢

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@judimahoney

I know what you mean about good and bad days, and very competent in many areas and just lost in others.
Someone else in this blog said something I will take to heart, that even though we get frustrated and lose our tempers, our husbands will not remember, so that's a relief because we are only human and doing our best with this crappy situation.

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I also understand. This week feels almost normal. Some confusion and memory loss but not terrible. Mood is stable. He is working on a jigsaw puzzle. This is a new activity that seems to hold his attention for long parts of the day and challenges thinking skills. I've set up a card table in a corner and he turns to the puzzle throughout the day. This one is hard for him but he is sticking to it. Last week was not good but I also wasn't good with my repsonses. The crankier I got the worse his "experiences" were. I am trying much harder this week to letting it go...if it isn't important or dangerous...let it go.

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@scupper

I also understand. This week feels almost normal. Some confusion and memory loss but not terrible. Mood is stable. He is working on a jigsaw puzzle. This is a new activity that seems to hold his attention for long parts of the day and challenges thinking skills. I've set up a card table in a corner and he turns to the puzzle throughout the day. This one is hard for him but he is sticking to it. Last week was not good but I also wasn't good with my repsonses. The crankier I got the worse his "experiences" were. I am trying much harder this week to letting it go...if it isn't important or dangerous...let it go.

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Thank you for your understanding and that’s such good advice! Same here with my crankiness - makes it worse for him. The compassion we can show to one another helps so much! We are better right now and going to play ping pong in awhile. We have a lot of fun doing that together. I’m happy that your husband loves jigsaw puzzles. Wish mine did! I work them on an app on my phone.

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