Is it MCI or Dementia?

That has got to be really frustrating for you both.

How long has it been since his last thorough examination by a physician? If nothing else, it will help answer a lot of your questions about his overall health. Since he's taking lots of supplements, it sounds like he doesn't trust doctors. Can't say I blame him, but ask him as a favor to you, maybe? Maybe use the exam as a gateway to get pain relief?

I wish I had more useful advice, but at least help from a professional can give you a baseline.

Thank you for your reply. You are correct - he doesn’t trust doctors and he has begun to mistrust his primary care doctor. I don’t trust his primary care doctor either and I get the feeling from his doctor that he just rushes SO through and doesn’t really listen. SO goes for his wellness checkup every year m, where they have him draw a clock with hands, remember words that are given to him at the beginning of the exam, etc. I have gone to a couple of those with him and I feel like there is no communication from the doctor regarding the results of the exam. Any issues he has with pain in any areas of his body - back pain, neuropathy, hearing loss etc are referred to a specialist, only at the request of SO and then we have to follow-up to make sure it happens. Sometimes we just do our own research to find a specialist and then SO loses confidence in them too. 😳 SO does his own research online about supplements. He keeps saying he is going to find a new primary care doctor, but he doesn’t take the initiative to do it. I will see what I can do about helping him find a new primary care doctor. Thanks for your concern. We both have good days and bad days - the good peppered with bad - at times!

It sounds like he and I might be related.

At least, I used to be a lot more like that before I had a stroke. Now that it's too late to have prevented that, I see that I was too afraid to deal with my issues.

Maybe your SO is different, but I learned the hard way that fearing potential bad news is a *lot* worse than getting more facts.

I hope he can learn from my mistake.

@tay1. Hello, and welcome to MayoClinicConnect! This is a really good place to express your concerns about your SO. I do agree with @scottrl who recommends a complete check up for SO. If he doesn’t like his current doctor, you might look for a geriatrician (a doctor who specializes in elder care). This doctor would understand all that is going on with SO and be able to make recommendations. Check with your local hospital or any hospital in your area.
What is one thing you think your SO would like to change for the better with his health?

Thank you. The ONE thing? There are many but probably his back problem because it hurts all the time. He blames that for his non-ability to stand up straight because it hurts. We used to be able to walk ALOT and now we don’t, because of it. He uses trekking poles which helps a lot.

It sounds like you are doing a LOT for him, as much as you can shy of hiring a caregiver. Perhaps it is time to do something for you? I fear we are on this same path; many similar situations with ours. Let's ensure we practice self care and accept offers of help, even if it's just someone to play games with him for a bit so you can get a break?

I’m sorry you are going through this too. Some days he seems to be fine - other days not - and his moods are affected by my reactions so I am trying to stay positive and not get irritated when he doesn’t remember things. The comments and suggestions here are already helping me to be kinder - for a day or two - since I just joined! 🤣 I know that I don’t get enough “alone” time. I probably made him appear totally incapacitated but I think he isn’t ready for a caregiver yet. He can still do things for himself and he likes to take care of our houseplants. He also likes to cook. I am here when he does and I do the clean up. Letting him be as independent as possible - it’s just the memory issues and his own complaints about his health that upset me. That and the fact that he looks so much older when he can’t stand up straight. I think others have it much worse than I do. That’s why he should really be diagnosed if it is the beginning stages of dementia or something else. I wish you the best too! ❤️🤗

I know what you mean about good and bad days, and very competent in many areas and just lost in others.
Someone else in this blog said something I will take to heart, that even though we get frustrated and lose our tempers, our husbands will not remember, so that's a relief because we are only human and doing our best with this crappy situation.

That is a very good point. I always think he must hate me when I get irritated at him because he can’t remember or when I explain something to him that seems so simple to me and he doesn’t get it. I will say, “Do you understand what I said?” and he will say “No, but forget it.” If I press further, he gets upset. I need to learn to just leave it alone and not care if he “doesn’t get it”. That is so frustrating to me because I always want to understand what someone tells me and I feel like that is important to everyone - to understand. Even when I try to re-word or make it simple, he has a difficult time understanding. When that happens, I need to remind myself to stop with the explanations!

in reply @tay1 There is a very good article in last week's Epoch Times which discusses the fact that many are diagnosed with dementia, when in fact, there is something else going on. I would encourage you to find the article online and read it, and perhaps you will find some of the content useful.
best of luck