No more Driving

My husband with LBD still provides me with turn-by-turn driving instructions - punctuated with “stop”, “go”, “yield”, etc. I can’t even describe for angry & frustrated that made me at first! Now I view it as a positive - he knows where we are & where we are going. And he still recognizes traffic signs. So it’s a good gauge of his lucidity. The challenge is to never accept what he says without first checking for myself - especially at an intersection! In some small way, tolerating his driving guidance validates & makes him feel useful.

We've moved beyond the neurologist. She's on memantine and donepezil, now routinely prescribed by our primary provider under direction from the final neurologist we saw. She sees the PP once every 6 months. Frankly, I felt that our primary understands her problems better than the neurologists. They simply put her into a "some kind of undiagnosed cognitive impairment category" and continued the standard pills. We've been given no encouragement regarding any improvement and view the current situation as a stage that will last an undetermined period.

My husband with LBD still provides me with turn-by-turn driving instructions - punctuated with “stop”, “go”, “yield”, etc. I can’t even describe for angry & frustrated that made me at first! Now I view it as a positive - he knows where we are & where we are going. And he still recognizes traffic signs. So it’s a good gauge of his lucidity. The challenge is to never accept what he says without first checking for myself - especially at an intersection! In some small way, tolerating his driving guidance validates & makes him feel useful.

Hi @harleyshaw, I found, too, that after a while the neurologist lost interest, and now the geritrician has taken over. With the diagnosis of Alzheimer's, I was told my husband has 10 - 12 years. Other than the AD, he's in good health, but the reality of this disease is that damage to the brain eventually causes the other organs to fail.
The geritrician suggested I get some help in the house, more for me, than my husband, but at this time I'm not overtaxed with my care duties for him. She also advised me not to hire privately, but to get someone from an agency, insured and bonded, to avoid any claims of personal injury. She also advised me to put credit freezes in place so no one can open bank accounts, get credit cards, take out loans in our name, etc. It does alleviate some worry, and the're easy enough to unfreeze them should credit be needed at some point.
The only thing I thought, that might be odd, but could possibly be helpful is could you speak to the MVD, a manager, and ask them to send a letter to your wife saying she no longer is qualified to get a driver's license? If that's not feasible, maybe her physician would do it to take some of the blame off you.
Take care.

Update on my husband. This week he went to pick up pizza 10 minutes away, something he does every other week. He didn’t come home after 45 minutes. I called him- no answer. I called the pizza place and heard “There was something in the parking lot. The police are there and everyone is ok!” I was panicked - my husband S did not call me. I got in the car to see what was going on. I also thought. “Let’s see how he handles it.,
When I got there, he already was on his way home. Then I get the call over an hour after he had left/ “ I barely touched the guys car. And thought we could change numbers etc. The guy wanted to see S drivers lic and registration and insurance info. Apparently S was fumbling and couldn’t find the stuff right away. The guy he dinged said” you are not going anywhere, I have a gun. “ He then called the police. Police came and wrote a brief crash report saying very minor ding. Call your insurance company etc. “
The end result the guy hit an estimate 264.00 I paid it yesterday.
My husband is an excellent careful driver. The problem was processing and judgement around an accident.
I called the occupational Therapist who is doing his driving test Mar 13. She knows.
My husband is working on getting used to the idea of not driving but I’ll let the OT and doctor make the final verdict and declaration.
S was very sad when after the ding I told him this was a guardian angel’s way of warning that turned out minor. But who could even imagine a guy threatening about a gun. Turns out he was a nice guy who didn’t understand the confusion of an old guy.
Anyway. My husband said” you might as well find a new husband. “ I said, no I love you and I get a new husband every day. ☺️

So he had the driving test this Wednesday and as expected he did not pass. He was sad and angry and felt I was conspiring against him by telling the OT about his recent mini accident. I also gave her the results of his Speech Therapist's evaluation which showed a decrease in executive functioning and spatial recognition-could not do mazes. She gave him a fair shot at it though. They went out driving for 45 minutes and she saw many signs that it is time to hang up the keys. S is doing okay but reflects back with and "if only" . But I think he gets it. We will try Uber and I am open to lots of driving as are friends who have offered to help. Just another downer for him. But I think he gets it. At least he got to drive until he was almost 77. I just have to hug him more.

The hard part is being blamed for a decision that ultimately comes from the Motor Vehicles people that test for licenses. Even though they would not renew my wife's license, I'm the one that has to tell her every day that she can't drive. You inevitably become the "cop" on the ground that is enforcing the law, it seems. No amount of trying to explain the situation changes that.