1. < Just Want to Talk

How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

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itchyd | @itchyd | Feb 28 9:25am
In reply to @jakedduck1 "@barbthemac I like this joke, 1. A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

@barbthemac
I like this joke,

1. A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Jake

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Every time I try telling poison jokes, I get a bunch of cyanide comments.

I can never get poison jokes right. I'm always guilty of botch-ulism.

The only poison that works on pirates is
arrr-senic.

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itchyd | @itchyd | Feb 28 9:38am
In reply to @barbthemac "Oh dear, I was married twice and I don’t know a single joke about marriage with..." + (show)
@barbthemac

Oh dear, I was married twice and I don’t know a single joke about marriage with either of them but there has to be

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Since love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage, if you're jilted at the county courthouse, is that a miscarriage of justice?

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itchyd | @itchyd | Feb 28 9:44am
In reply to @barbthemac "YouTubers and gator tots were great. I need to think of a joke to contribute. To..." + (show)
@barbthemac

YouTubers and gator tots were great. I need to think of a joke to contribute. To be continued…

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If you must tell potato jokes, please limit them to those that are appealing.

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itchyd | @itchyd | Feb 28 9:57am
In reply to @frances007 "One evening, a man who is hard of hearing and his wife are watching television. She..." + (show)
@frances007

One evening, a man who is hard of hearing and his wife are watching television. She turns to him and says something that surprises him; they have been married 45 years and it's been a long time since she made such a request. He gets up, walks over to her, and gives her a big kiss. Now it is her turn to be surprised.

"What was that for?" she asks. He says, "Didn't you say, "I want to kiss you?" "No, NO!" she replies. "I said I wanted a tissue."

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Similar thing happened to me when my wife was requesting her favorite nuts.

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samcal9977zz | @samcal9977zz | Feb 28 8:10pm

this is kind of fun..from the old Mr. Ed TV show...

The Empty Feedbag Blues...

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covidstinks2023 | @covidstinks2023 | Feb 28 8:20pm

True stories about songs playing in the Operating Room or during a procedure.

Someone was getting their anesthesia in the O.R. before their colonoscopy. The old song by Creedence Clearwater Revival was playing, "Doo Doo Doo looking out my back door!"

A OB GYN Nurse Practioner was delivering a baby girl. The song in the OR "My Girl" by the Temptations was playing.

A dear friend of mine had vein surgery done for vericose veins and "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon was playing.

Folks, you can't make this stuff up!

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frances007 | @frances007 | Feb 29 7:23am

“I don't care what I identify as. People try to insult me by saying, 'Oh my god, you look like a man.' Yes, and men are also good looking. What's your point?”

"I am a woman, but I know my hair is confusing. I can be an Asian man or a lesbian. Two for one!”

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1 reply
frances007 | @frances007 | Feb 29 7:25am

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

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kamama94 | @kamama94 | Feb 29 8:00am

What's the best present you can give? A broken drum. You can't beat it.

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1 reply
frances007 | @frances007 | Feb 29 2:27pm

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another-it's one damn thing over and over.
-Edna St. Vincent Millary

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