1. < Depression & Anxiety

Lost Trying to Exist

Posted by xpax @xpax, Feb 11 11:43am

Hello 💚,

I was diagnosed with major clinical depression, generalized anxiety now with social anxiety for trying to relate.
Two years covid isolation living alone with a powertripping roof banger giving me at least two anxiety attacks a day and night with a bleeding stomach, stole my social abilities. That is over 1700 anxiety attacks.

Now, for two years I have been sitting in my social group unable to relate --- amazingly, for the first time in life ever. It is like being dead while alive. The pains of trying to relate when my mind cannot put forth the words and actions to make interpersonal communication are killing me. Destroying from the inside out.
I have to isolate against my will to avoid these pains.

Please take off the kidd gloves if you think please you could reply.

Best of health 🧡.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

almostprairiegirl | @almostprairiegirl | Feb 16 11:05am

I want you to be okay. We are all here for you. We love and support you.

REPLY
xpax | @xpax | Feb 16 11:33am
In reply to @wendyhobbie "Yes, I am human too…with a long list of medical diagnosis. After 30 good years of..." + (show)
@wendyhobbie

Yes, I am human too…with a long list of medical diagnosis. After 30 good years of marriage and (47 total) I have become dependent on him and hate it…nerve damage is the worst thing…compromised immune system, lymphoma survivor, degenerative joint disease, arthritis.
I was very competitive in tennis, snow skiing and golf. Hill climbing on snowmobiles is not going to happen. Tennis is OUT. Might be able to play golf this year but most likely yoga classes and physical therapy will be the only things that will get me out of the house.
Presently I’m struggling with a broken bone in my foot because I sprained a tendon, 6 more months of recovery. I’m not much fun to be around. But hopefully I will be again soon

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Hard and even impossible as it may seem, I believe we are all given life challenges for the ways we still 💚 need for growth, coping and maturity.

Best of health, Edward

REPLY
1 reply
agde85 | @agde85 | Feb 16 11:54am
In reply to @sooz1954 "Never give up. Get the right meds to put you back on track. No one deserves..." + (show)
@sooz1954

Never give up. Get the right meds to put you back on track. No one deserves to suffer in depression and I speak from loads of experience. Exercise, breathe, spend time outside...FEEL outside yourself. Try cognitive therapy. Find a faith community or just go out and say "hello" to strangers. I wonder if you felt anything inside when you wrote your post ...just writing and speaking to others can spark a bit of light. You can do this.

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Sussam olmuyo konuşsam hiç olmuyo inanın birinin omuzuna başımı yaslasam sabaha kadar ağlarım heralde

Translation from Turkish (Google translate)
"If I keep silent, it won't work. If I talk, it won't work. Believe me, if I lean my head on someone's shoulder, I would cry until the morning."

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1 reply
Goaway | @nemo1 | Feb 16 9:46pm

Ps…

I forgot to mention “square breathing” that helps relieve anxiety. It helps more than that!

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 16 10:05pm
In reply to @agde85 "Sussam olmuyo konuşsam hiç olmuyo inanın birinin omuzuna başımı yaslasam sabaha kadar ağlarım heralde Translation from..." + (show)
@agde85

Sussam olmuyo konuşsam hiç olmuyo inanın birinin omuzuna başımı yaslasam sabaha kadar ağlarım heralde

Translation from Turkish (Google translate)
"If I keep silent, it won't work. If I talk, it won't work. Believe me, if I lean my head on someone's shoulder, I would cry until the morning."

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@xpax Difficulty can enhance growth, though few of us enjoy the process. I'm in one of those challenging times right now and it's not doing great things to my level of depression and anxiety. My wife reminds me that we'll make it through this. I'm a fixer, so I'm having a hard time living with something I don't know how to fix. Having been through some rough times, I understand that life does go on. After being in a deep dark hole for several years and having climbed out of it and stayed out, I can focus better on what life can be in time. Some of us recover from the dark places more slowly than others. May we learn those lessons in patience more easily the next time.

Jim

REPLY
danakelly1956 | @danakelly1956 | Feb 17 6:46am
In reply to @xpax "Hello 💚. Diagnosed with major clinical depression and generalized anxiety pre-covid, now social anxiety trying to..." + (show)
@xpax

Hello 💚.
Diagnosed with major clinical depression and generalized anxiety pre-covid, now social anxiety trying to relate.
Trapped two years of covid isolation living alone, with a powertripping roof banger day and night giving me at least two anxiety attacks a day with a bleeding stomach.
That is over 1700 anxiety attacks.
This lost me my social abilities. I have since been sitting in my social group unable to relate like a dummy. The words and actions for interpersonal communication simply will not come out of my mind like they have all my life. It is destroying me from the inside out.
I am at a loss what to do next. If anyone has any suggestions please do not worry about hurting me because none can anymore.
Please reply if you can think of anything.
Best of health 🧡.

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Hello, I am in my 3rd week of covid still waiting to improve. My thirst is like I am in the desert with sand in my throat. I am exhausted from doing nothing. I love to cook, but I get dizzy when I stand up, so I am surviving on frozen dinners. Meals on Wheels might come next week, but who knows if that will happen. I never heard of Long Covid until I got Covid. I hope my letter makes you feel a little bit better. I don't know what to do either. I have read so many sad posts here of endless agony. I can only hope we both get better. I need to take another nap now because I am so tired all the time. You may write back if you would like to. Tell me something positive as I too have found it difficult to live with.

REPLY
1 reply
wendyhobbie | @wendyhobbie | Feb 17 12:09pm
In reply to @xpax "Hard and even impossible as it may seem, I believe we are all given life challenges..." + (show)
@xpax

Hard and even impossible as it may seem, I believe we are all given life challenges for the ways we still 💚 need for growth, coping and maturity.

Best of health, Edward

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Thank you 🙏

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wendyhobbie | @wendyhobbie | Feb 17 12:16pm

Bless us both. “This too shall pass” but the lord only helps those that help themselves. We can’t do this alone. The nerve damage, arthritis and joint disease are wake-up calls for me. It hurts for me to keep walking and stretching but what’s the alternative?
I’m putting on warm clothes and heading outside. I will get back to you later

REPLY
xpax | @xpax | Feb 22 4:41pm
In reply to @danakelly1956 "Hello, I am in my 3rd week of covid still waiting to improve. My thirst is..." + (show)
@danakelly1956

Hello, I am in my 3rd week of covid still waiting to improve. My thirst is like I am in the desert with sand in my throat. I am exhausted from doing nothing. I love to cook, but I get dizzy when I stand up, so I am surviving on frozen dinners. Meals on Wheels might come next week, but who knows if that will happen. I never heard of Long Covid until I got Covid. I hope my letter makes you feel a little bit better. I don't know what to do either. I have read so many sad posts here of endless agony. I can only hope we both get better. I need to take another nap now because I am so tired all the time. You may write back if you would like to. Tell me something positive as I too have found it difficult to live with.

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benylin all-in-one works 💚 great

REPLY
mvp | @mvpointer | Feb 23 9:08am
In reply to @xpax "Hello 💚. Diagnosed with major clinical depression and generalized anxiety pre-covid, now social anxiety trying to..." + (show)
@xpax

Hello 💚.
Diagnosed with major clinical depression and generalized anxiety pre-covid, now social anxiety trying to relate.
Trapped two years of covid isolation living alone, with a powertripping roof banger day and night giving me at least two anxiety attacks a day with a bleeding stomach.
That is over 1700 anxiety attacks.
This lost me my social abilities. I have since been sitting in my social group unable to relate like a dummy. The words and actions for interpersonal communication simply will not come out of my mind like they have all my life. It is destroying me from the inside out.
I am at a loss what to do next. If anyone has any suggestions please do not worry about hurting me because none can anymore.
Please reply if you can think of anything.
Best of health 🧡.

Jump to this post

You are loved

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