Emotions and anxiety with a cancer diagnosis: How do you cope?

Posted by glendafl @glendafl, Dec 8, 2023

My emotions and anxiety along with ADHD since the diagnosis of cancer is extremely high.
I’m finding it hard to keep up with day to day stuff, not to mention all the treatments, etc.
What or how do we cope? I’m so tired and I still got to face radiation treatments. I go to counseling weekly and I’m ok a good part of the time. But I’m having trouble staying focused and emotionally charged all the time. Any suggestions?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms Support Group.

Lori, Volunteer Mentor | @loribmt | Jan 21 10:32am

In reply to @marylou329 "I will be having an Allogenic transplant from a Donor. I would love to be connected..." + (show)

I had an allogenic transplant, along with @alive @edb1123 @kt2013 @jenmkr63 @timt347 and several other members. We’re all happy to share our experiences and answer any questions you might have.

Here are a few of our conversations:
My bone marrow transplant story; Will you share yours?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/my-bone-marrow-transplant-bmt-story-will-you-share-yours/
~~~
Snapshots of life on the other side of transplant:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/snapshots-of-hope-life-on-the-other-side-of-transplant/
All of us are in various stages post transplant. I’m coming up on 5 years so I’m about in the middle timeline of our group. Having a stem cell transplant offers us a second chance with life. It isn’t a guarantee because there can be risks and sometimes a relapse, as in Tim’s case. But it is worth the effort.
Where are you having your transplant? Will you have to relocate and stay in the clinic? Do you require a full time caregiver?

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jan 21 9:21pm

In reply to @luciag "Thank you for these wise words. I needed to hear that today and be reminded that..." + (show)

Welcome @luciag. Cancer is overwhelming at many stages, be it new diagnosis, treatment or even after treatments are done. Can you tell me more about your cancer journey? What type of cancer do you have? Is this a new diagnosis?

Lori, Volunteer Mentor | @loribmt | Jan 22 9:50am

In reply to @joannwkempel "Ativan helps me as well. It was a court issue of a legal matter. Now I..." + (show)

Hi @joannwkempel I’d like to add my welcome to Connect along with @alive. She and I, along with several others in the blood cancer support group have had stem cell transplants and are here to help you in any way we can.

I’d like to post a few links for you to get started. Actually, I’m going to cut and paste the exact discussion I recently posted with another new member about to have a SCT.

This is what I wrote to @marylou329:
I had an allogenic transplant as did @alive @edb1123 @kt2013 @jenmkr63 @timt347 and several other members. We’re all happy to share our experiences and answer any questions you might have.

Joann, if you have leukemia, then I’m expecting you’ll be having an allogenic transplant, using donor cells? Would you like to share a little more about what type of cancer you have and how it’s being treated? Has there been a donor match for you?

kjpmm | @kjpmm | Feb 12 4:30pm

In reply to @rhongirl "@glendafl Just knowing that this is normal can help a great deal. It's like coming to..." + (show)

@rhongirl

@glendafl Just knowing that this is normal can help a great deal. It's like coming to a great boulder in your life's road, and you try, but you can't go around it, can't go above it, and you can't go underneath it . . .you have to go through it. I think, mentally and emotionally, we want to side-step the entire treatment course. . . (we, of course, would physically take another path) . . . but we cannot. Giving yourself more grace, letting yourself know its okay to be anxious (that's part of it), can sometimes take the edge off the worst of it. A person in cancer treatment often has to live moment-by-moment, because we are taking the onslaught of so much chemically, and we aren't quiet sure, even from week to week, how our body will respond to the chemo or radiation or flu, or virus, or infections. There are no check-lists that say our body will do this or that, and doctors can only share what typically happens. . . so, we often have to wait and see. And this can surely cause anxiety.

What helped me was to surround myself with a few good people, ask for help, admit I was anxious, and then let those moments PASS. Mostly, I asked God to help me let those moments pass. And He did. I remember, specifically, one night I was particularly anxious - waking up in bed in a sweat, my heart racing. It was then that the Lord reminded me of the big open Wyoming skies I had watched when I was vacationing a few years prior. I remembered how those big skies would be clear one minute, and then a storm would rage from seemingly nowhere. The sky would be covered in dark, ominous clouds, and it felt unsettling to be almost enveloped by the impending storm clouds above. But here's the good part. . . .those clouds would MOVE overhead, and then they would PASS OVER. It was in that instant of remembering that helped me in the very moment of my anxious thoughts in bed that night. I needed not fight the anxiety, but name it, realize I was anxious, and then be calm to let it pass over me. Our human nature is to fight something, give it all we got, so-to-speak - in fact, you hear that all the time when it comes to cancer - fight it! But I say, take a moment to consider this . . . that we imagine being on the other side of it, and let it pass over - like storm clouds in the sky that move and leave sunshine in its wake. The sky does not storm forever. 🙂 That imagery helped me a great deal that night, and in the months to come. It was certainly more of a spiritual experience, for I taught myself how to rest in those anxious moments, giving it more fully to God to handle, and waiting for the anxiety to pass over, leaving me breathing normally, returning me back to a state of being able to cope again.

Cancer is hard. But you can do it. I read a lot of positive Bible passages out loud, so I could hear myself say them. I filled my mind with good things, and then, in some small way, it helped to balance all the not-so-good things that go along with cancer. I didn't always "feel" positive, but it was good to hear positive things over and over again. We can't always trust our feelings in life. . . they can deceive us, take us down a path of mental exhaustion and destruction. We have to tell ourselves the truth, and that helps separate those emotions that deplete us from those emotions that wash our very soul. 🙂 Thought always precedes emotion. Getting our minds in the game and feeding ourselves healthy thoughts benefitted me greatly. And at times, when I didn't have the strength to think positively, I would ask God to give me something praiseworthy to think on - and then find another person who could "loan" me their good thoughts for a while! 🙂

I hope this helps in some small way.

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Thank you so very much!

glendafl | @glendafl | Feb 12 10:03pm

In reply to @kjpmm "Thank you so very much!" + (show)

Thanks. I have been learning how to limit my time to think about cancer, appointments, insurance, finances, etc. If something requires immediate attention, I still limit the amount of time that I will spend on it. I’ll break it up and go for a walk. Also I’m learning to breathe in, the very minute my mind goes in a negative direction that will make me feel anxious or upset enough to cry. Before, I was crying so hard and so often that my eyes hurt. I was getting headaches and my eyes were twitching all the time. I had to stop! My counselor is helping me with ideas, like…to check myself several times a day. Then I breathe and imagine good things happening in my life now and in the future. It’s helping me.
Thanks for your input. I am getting better and stronger every day. I’m still at a standstill at times, but like you said I’m allowing myself grace and some time to find my way out of the storm when it hits, knowing it will come again. But knowing also that when it does come I’m going to find my way out in my own way and in my own time. I’m also relying on God to help me and he always does.
Thanks and God bless and keep us all in Jesus name.
Glenda.

marylou329 | @marylou329 | Feb 15 9:07am

In reply to @loribmt "I had an allogenic transplant, along with @alive @edb1123 @kt2013 @jenmkr63 @timt347 and several other members...." + (show)

I will be having my allogeneic transplant at Dana Farber Boston Mass. as an Out Patient and will have to relocate. My husband needs to be with me 24/7 for 100 days.

Lori, Volunteer Mentor | @loribmt | Feb 15 1:00pm

In reply to @marylou329 "I will be having my allogeneic transplant at Dana Farber Boston Mass. as an Out Patient..." + (show)

Hi Marylou! Your experience sounds similar to mine at Mayo. I love the outpatient approach to handling the transplant and Dana Farber is another of the top tier transplant programs.
Do you have a target date and a donor yet?

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Feb 15 4:27pm

In reply to @kjpmm "Thank you so very much!" + (show)

Welcome, @kjpmm. Have you recently been diagnosed with cancer? Type? How are you doing?

marylou329 | @marylou329 | Feb 15 7:46pm

In reply to @loribmt "Hi Marylou! Your experience sounds similar to mine at Mayo. I love the outpatient approach to..." + (show)

No Donor yet. Target date is probably May or June. I am starting chemo locally in a few weeks. Dana Farber is entering me in a Clinical Trial and I need to get my blast below 5 to be entered into the trial. They are currently border line 5 to 6.

jazzer | @jazzer | Mar 2 10:15am

I have had terrible anxiety and panic attacks even before recurrence of kidney cancer 7 yrs ago . Sometimes I wonder if childhood sexual abuse and neglect causes cancer. I'm 70 and was dx with kidney cancer at age 47. After removing the whole left kidney and adrenal, I was told I was cured. 17 yrs later at age 64 I had mets to liver and pancreas and started a TKI sutent. It's held the cancer steady, plus it cleared the liver of mets. But pancreas mets are stubborn. Past few months my emotional symptoms have escalated and my hope has tanked. I scan every three months and last 3 scan reports have seemed fishy to me.
I have an RCC Specialist in Seattle who weighs in on scans, and referred me to a local onc here in Olympia for labs and I get scanned in Oly too.
After 7 yrs I may be facing a change in TKI from sutent to Cabo. Side effects are difficult.
I developed seizures 2 yrs into treatment and see neurologist for that and take seizure meds along with TKI.
I also lost my Mom in Oct. Neurologist prescribed lorazepam for anxiety and it helps, but I get anxious taking it cause they warn you so much about addiction to it. I'm an old hippie and cannibus does help too
I've just felt blown off by Drs. They never respond when labs are low...I am always low sodium and Cl. I see local onc every 3 mos for 15 mins to review scans and plans. Scan in Sept was full of error. Dec scan showed lesion in body of pancreas to be 3.6 cm. Local onc said Sept scan remeasured showed same size but I never was informed of remeasure.
I wake up at 3, 4 am and am weepy and so sad.
I feel bad for our tanking medical system due to COVID pandemic. I fear going out, wear mask everywhere which is to store and Dr appts.
I'm thinking of just getting off meds and maybe enjoying feeling better awhile before I die.
My husband is so supportive I'm so lucky there.
But I'm just not my happy go lucky self anymore. I'm crying now writing this, dreading scan on Wednesday, dreading the steroids I have to take prescan due to contrast iodine allergy, and I'm dreading results, dreading changing meds.....and feel a stranger to my Drs.
I do get at least a mile a day walk in. But I'm a singer, performer or I used to be. It's hard being the empath I am, having the PTSD I have, and feeling abandoned by the Drs.
Are there any good books on dying? I want to get more comfortable with my mortality and have a good, happy death. Why are we so conditioned to fear it, feel it's a bad thing? Sobbing now. Husband suggests it's .5 Ativan time.
Thank you for listening, those of you who haven't blown me off as a crazy old crone. ✌️💖

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