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My mom is 93 with dementia. I think close to late stage 5/6. We are trying to keep her at home as long as we can manage. She has not bathed herself in at least 3 years and will not change her clothes without begging on our part, can goes days in same clothing.
She wears pull-ups. The big issue is this- twice I had had to close the bathroom door ans stand there with her telling her we are not leaving until she sits down n let's me give her clean underwear. It's not fun for either one of us. I yell, she tries to push me away but eventually I rip the dirty pull-up off, get her to sit, get her cleaned with fresh underwear n pants. She forgets completely shortly after the episode is over but I feel guilty for yelling n not knowing a better way to go about it. Sometimes she is fine, accepting of my help n being clean but sometimes not, and ts what I described above.
Is this what other caregivers are doing? She can't sit in that mess all day. What is the proper way to handle it? I think if she was in a memory care facility they would need to do the same thing....right?
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I was an Occupational Therapist in Home Care for many years. It was a big help in knowing what to get for my mom and now my husband. He is in assistive living with vascular dementia. Although a rail on the wall was right handy by his toilet, he slid off the seat and broke his hip in 2022. I bought another RMS frame and it’s a big improvement in safety- keeps him centered.
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3 ReactionsOh, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, if you stated that earlier i missed it. I'm not good with this site.
You have had more than your share. Dementia is so terrible. I appreciate the time you took to help me. 🙂 you're very kind!
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2 ReactionsRe the RMS safety frame rails. There are several reviews that mention problems with stability of this frame. If grabbed from one side initially, which he would do walking into the room, would it tip over to that side? My DH is often very unstable.
Is there sufficient room for him to reach back and wipe himself?
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2 ReactionsHate to sound dumb, but what are RMS rails. I know that when I was in rehab, there were rails on both sides.
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1 Reaction@snowmile You and your mother must be totally exhausted with this situation. Have you thought if finding a home health aide who could come in 2-3 days a week just to help with something like this?
Also, there is a tip that we used in the hospital for baths. We put folded washcloths/facecloths into a plastic bag and added just enough water so the cloths were damp. Then we put them in the microwave and heated them just a little. This would take some good planning so they never get too hot. Or maybe soak the cloths in hot water, wring them out and place in plastic bag. Dream up a scenario like a spa bath. I’m sure you could come up with something clever!
I’d love to hear of other”fixes”
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1 ReactionBecky, RMS is just the brand name for some safety rails that go around a toilet, something to grab on to for stability. I’ve looked at reviews for several but not all seem stable for someone with dementia who might not grab both at once, approaching from directly in front of the toilet but rather from one side or the other, transferring from a walker or just another grab bar on a bathroom wall. Someone with a knee or hip problem, not dementia, would be more likely to put weight on both sides at once.
I’m hoping to find someone here who has actually used one that would work without tipping if a person grabbed it more haphazardly. We do have an installed grab bar on one side, on the wall, but there is a vanity on the other side that doesn’t come out far enough to put a grab bar on it. He grabs the wall side with both hands.
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2 ReactionsSorry- I was trying to be specific so the one I like could be easy to find on Amazon. Doing Home Care OT for many years, this became my favorite- is sturdy, has a foot piece which holds the rails steady, requires no tools for installation, and is easily removed and collapsible to take to another bathroom or with you when visiting. My mom’s enjoyed a vacation in Ocean City!
I got the RMS model for my mom (93 yo) and now one for my husband (vascular dementia). The RMS model has arms which slope down a bit so the person doesn’t have to approach directly from the front, plus that makes it easier for the helper to do cleansing, as needed. I’ve seen both in use a lot and never any problems with the frame tilting.
There are toilet side rail options which attach directly to the toilet via the toilet seat screws, but be careful, most modern toilet seats have plastic screws and if you use too much pressure to remove the nuts, they’ll snap off.
Some people get a bedside commode, remove the bucket, and place it over the toilet. You can often get one for free from community groups, your county Area Office on Aging would know who to call.
Hope this helps😊
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