Son with alcohol addiction

Alcohol use disorder is for many people just a way that tells us we are unhappy with life in general to such an extent that we would not mind finding refuge in another distraction.
In this view, people may distract with overeating, betting heavily, excessive use of sugary of fatty foods, even cellphone and social media overuse.
What needs doing is inviting the person to find out WHY he is not able to enjoy the ordinary pleasures that we all come with the inborn capacity to enjoy, e.g. delicious food, playing vigorous games (tennis, table tennis, hiking, swimming...the list is long,
And most importantly, having close friends with whom we enjoy sharing hobbies, ideas, worries and life curve-balls. Someone who he can be open with his deep fears and frustrations is often the start to recovery.
You can say, the more simple pleasures we have the less prone we are to harmful (DISTRACTIVE) behaviors because there won't be NEED for them.

I believe this has worked for me even tho I'd gone many times reversals of fortunes in 80 yrs, with still able to have independent trouble free (no meds, tests, surgeries or doctor visits)

Thank you. These are things I know...and at times I think my son knows. He does need to get to the heart of what caused him to want to forget and hide himself. I think of how he was such a happy child yet was ADHD and we tried to conform him to the system. We didn't know better and I think some of this could be the result. Still..he will need to find his way. IF he survives this hospital stay. He hasn't been of the mind to hear anything in the state he is in and I do fear that once he is feeling better he will not get the help he needs. But you are so right ..our well being is so independent of our surroundings and more how we react and our attitude. I want my smiling child back who loved sunsets and cat antics.

Thanks to all for letting me share.

I urge you to look into Al-Anon as a support for yourself. It is not AA. Al-Anon http://www.al-anon.org is an organization of support groups for families and friends of alcoholics. Sounds like you might benefit from some face-to-face and it would give you the opportunity to think through some things with other people who are actually going through what you are going through (mothers, fathers, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers, sisters, best friends), and share ideas and give you personal recommendations as to what they did. Couldn't hurt. And it is something YOU can do; you don't have to rely on your son doing or not doing something. If you go to an Al-Anon meeting and don't feel it was worthwhile, try another one. They often have their own characteristics. Btw I went to Mayo's Intensive Addiction (Alcohol) Program in Rochester 8 years ago and I have been sober ever since that first day. I agree with the other commenter's assessment of it but frankly it sounds like your son is not ready for it, nor mature enough for it. I hope he will live to be able to take advantage of the help that is out there, but I truly appreciate the denial he is going through. As they say alcohol is "cunning, baffling, powerful." My prayers are with your son and you.

A 36-year member of Al-Anon Family Groups, I am grateful for the 12-Step spiritual program that has helped me recover from: cancer, depression, youth raised in alcohol/gambling addiction, 25 years of overprescribed psychotropic medications. I would not be as active, free, and joyous human being as I am today without the meetings, sponsorship, spiritual principles learned/practiced over time in Al-Anon Family Groups worldwide. Whether parent, child, sibling, spouse of any alcoholic, we suffer from a family disease too, whether or not we ever take a drink. We may be powerless over our loved one's addiction. But with the love & life-long connection with a spiritual way of life, we can recover from our illness - physical, emotional, &/or spiritual - we can choose to empower and heal ourselves, one day at a time. Please check out Al-Anon/Alateen.org if you are a non-alcoholic reacting to the alcoholism of your family member. It has saved my life & sanity. It can save yours too!

Thank you ! I have two siblings who are great proponents of AA..so I am well aware of the programs. My son says ...I did AA..made me want to drink more. So he is going to have to figure this out on his own. I do know I need to take care of myself...

Him saying "AA just made him want to drink more" is a cop out. This is a program that has worked for 85 years and the 12 steps are the best way to live. I myself have 32 yrs sober and a member in the fellowship in good standing. He needs to want to try anything to stop, Its either life or death. I found that a life of drinking just made me numb and dumb. Its gives you tunnel vision and Is an immature way of coping with life's problems. It creates a mental obsession and tells you that you can keep drinking. He needs to try AA for a Good 6 weeks.
Best of luck.

Thank you. I visited a rehab where most of the staff are recovering addicts and the nurse and the admissions guy said the same thing...AA does work..but you will hear every excuse about why it doesn't from someone who just doesn't want to hear. Thank you for sharing ..we still just need to get him out of the hospital to the next step. Hopefully he will chose the next best step.

Praise God but we are almost to the point of discharge from the hospital after 45 days! And the best thing is my son finally decided a 30 day residential program would be a good idea and actually selected one. So now..we just have to wait for an abdominal drain to be removed and then he can go. And then..we will see. This forum has been great for me so thank you so much.

That’s good. I hope he chooses a hospital-based, medically-oriented program like Mayo’s Intensive Addiction Program in Rochester. It wasn’t all fun and games but I met a lot of good and decent people there, both professional and patients, who helped me when all was lost. We helped each other. I turned my life around there and then with the help of AA. Good luck to him. Best wishes to you.

We did have a place ( I say we but we really tried to let him choose...)that is dual diagnosis and sounds pretty good. But then we just found out that since he has a drain in place they won't take him. So it's been a scramble to find a place that will take him with the tube in place. Checking with a Betty Ford center. Unfortunately we are in Fl. So a bit far for Rochester. He is going to need CT s probably during the 30 day residency so trying to be with in driving distance.