How to maintain feeling respected, worthy and needed?

She accompanies me when I go to nursing homes to sing and play Gospel music and classic country music. She likes to help carry in the instruments and gear, and although she doesn't like to socialize because she feels embarrassed about her lack of memory and cognitive abilities, she will sit near me in front of the group and smile. I think the important thing is to get the dementia sufferer to participate in as many ways as possible, as long as they are safe. I also think, as you probably know, that with cognitive difficulties they can't be left alone because of the inability to take appropriate emergency action if something happens. Sometimes it feels like we are completely out of options, as 24/7 caregivers, but with a little thought, prayer and creativity, we can always come up with an idea or two. I used to be able to go to caregiver meetings, but I don't have anyone that could be with her and she won't go to any meetings or groups, aside from Church and our nursing home events. She is not the same person I married 59 years ago, so life has changed.

When I found myself in this position, I just asked David if he'd like a hug. This way, I could calm us both down and stand a slight chance of him listening to me.

Thank you for this reminder. I don't hug her as often as I should, and when I do, it makes us both feel better. Loving gestures do have power to help heal conflicts and frustration, but we can forget that.

Chris- Hugs are the nectar of Gods!

Yes, like in forgiveness, everyone wins!

Exactly

Hi @cuyler, my husband still does the dishes and makes sure the doors are double locked for the night. He still sweeps the outside patio. I ask him to help me with the odd chore I don't have the upper body strength for. I also give him his clothes to fold after they've been laundered and he's started making the bed in the mornings. He likes to point this out and be praised for it.

There's a friendly stray dog, Lucy, in our neighborhood. We walk about 15 minutes to feed her most days, and return home, another 15 minute walk. My husband loves her and she's taken a shine to him. On the way there and back, he waves and says hello to everyone we pass.

Also, there are a number of "Adult" jigsaw puzzles for sale online - nice scenes with 16 or 36 pieces. I usually have to coax him to do one by asking him to help me. Yesterday, while I was doing something in the kitchen, he put a number of pieces together on his own. He has a great sense of accomplishment when we finish a puzzle.

I sometimes answer his questions with absurd humor or make up a really bad pun. He gets the jokes and we laugh together.

Lately, he likes to sit outside and watch the birds. Maybe a bird feeder is possible where you are...

Take care,
Teri

I agree, and would also add that we senior citizens have a lot of practical experience in life's challenges, so we appreciate being asked by our children and grandchildren, and our younger friends, for advice.

Great advice