How do you stay connected as you age?

Tough questions!

I'm not sure if I should respond, since I'm not very good at keeping connections.

When I had a stroke, I was surprised how many friends I didn't have. (I was 300 miles from home at the time, and I texted/emailed everybody to give them the news. About 60% of them never responded at all, ever. That was disappointing and deeply hurtful.)

My mobility is severely restricted now, and when I do go out, I get so many weird looks -- big old guy, shuffling along with a cane, right side mostly immobile -- I have become very self-conscious.

Through texts and emails I try to be positive and only report positive stuff. I'd like to be more involved with my friends' and relatives' lives, but you can't push a rope.

Luckily, I have a loving wife who helps keep me engaged, and there are a few friends I'm in regular contact with -- but that's all long-distance. I would love to have a friend take me to lunch (I'd even pay for food and mileage), but that hasn't happened in years.

I'm not complaining. It is what it is. I have lived my entire life on the road less traveled, and the main thing I've learned is that there's a reason why people don't travel it,

Isn't it ironic that the more connectivity we have, the less connected we become?

I moved across country to be closer to my grandkids while they are still in the nest. I help my daughter by picking up the youngest & driving them to sport practices, I also attend their activities. I keep up with my long distance friendships through texts, calls, cards & some through Facebook. I would love to meet more people where I live now. I’ve checked out some volunteer activities now just need to sign up.

i'm connected to people via groups.

i attend a weekly bible study group for women on tuesday, i attend a weekly quilting group thursday, i attend a sit and stitch quilts for kids every 3rd saturday, and i go to dog park (a couple blocks from my house) monday-friday so my dog and i can socialize together. my dog loves the beach and we'll go to dog beach about 3x a month. i'm a big fan of baseball, concerts, and plays and have gone alone if no one else is interested in attending.

if i didn't do these things i wouldn't have many reasons to ever leave my house. dogs are great company and really don't require much and provide so much love in return.

I've found that as with many other things, trial and error is involved. Our dear, old friends might be struggling with health, money, depression, family drama, low self-esteem, mental decline, etc. Some move away, and some pass away. I have had to reach out to some old friends multiple times before they were ready to reconnect. Covid isolated many of us, and aging can do that as well.

I've found it necessary to open up to new relationships, in spite of any initial discomfort and the possibility of rejection. When you reach out to others, you never fully know what issues they might have, so it might take some time to find new friends. People also like to be approached individually, not through some mass communication via email or Facebook.

I found a friend willing to meet for coffee once a month. I have another friend that comes to my home once a week to listen to/make music together and chat. I have several friends that come roughly once a week to be together over coffee and treats in my home. To get out I go to the gym three days a week (no cost to me with the Silver Sneakers program). I have a plot in a community garden, where there are usually others there who like to visit. I recently joined a church community that is small enough and loving enough to know and care for all its members. I go every week, and joined the choir, so I have a weekly rehearsal much of the year. There are myriad events for me to choose from at church: a concert series, potlucks, and volunteering in the soup kitchen, to name a few. I have begun volunteering in retirement homes as well (who knows when I will join them).

I realize that my efforts will need to be on-going, as life is ever-changing, but it has certainly been worth the effort for me.

As an only child and unmarried woman who worked from age 18 until my 60’s, making friends was, I confess, not a priority. I had people I thought of as friends wherever I worked but once on to another job those “friendships” faded. The true friends I did have were much older than I was and in my 30’s-40’s passed. Living in a big city I knew my neighbors but they weren’t friends.
I moved to another state when I retired and was determined to make friends and imagined I would use my considerable cooking skills to host parties and have game parties, theater groups, etc.
Regrettably, my new state is one of those “red states” and I have little or nothing in common with my neighbors. I tried joining the local “blue” political club but I’ve never been and still am not a joiner. I tried but as a never married woman, I have nothing in common with a lot of woman and since I still have no interest in a long term romantic relationship, few men.
The two friends I did make at my last job I’ve lost when one came to visit and then asked to borrow a large sum of money (which I refused to do) and the other became rabid over our different political views.
In my independence as a younger woman what I didn’t realize is that when I got older I would have nothing in common with most people who have been or are married and have children and grandchildren who keep them busy.
I’ve developed a medical condition that now prevents me from walking any distance so I’ve hired someone to walk my dog. I see and talk to the dog walker more than anyone else.
Recent a new neighbor told me her elderly mother who lives with her was ill and in the hospital. When her mom came home I sent over home made soup a couple of times and she expressed her gratitude. I thought maybe that would “open a door” but after the thank you no other contact.
I realize how isolated I am and Im not whining, just recounting the situation. I like my company and the company of my dog but I miss having a companion/s to go to a concert or the theater and going out to lunch or dinner.
One of the practical problems is that without relatives or friends I have no one I trust to handle my estate once I die.
I did join a writing class and thought I had made connections with three women. After the class ended one of them invited us to meet once a week but soon told me she didn’t have time for new friends.

Most of my friends retreated 15 years ago when I got celiac disease. They thought not being able to eat gluten was all in my head and it got on their nerves that I couldn't eat everything and every place. My husband is very supportive. I've always volunteered some (I'm 70), and now do more targeted volunteering, for vets, group tours for school kids keeps me young, and my woodworking group. When one is alone, being part of a group fills holes in one's self. This year I was diagnosed with SMM, stage 3a chronic kidney disease, and dry AMD; oddly the hardest of these is the possibility of going blind. I decided not to tell friends because there would not be there for me. When friends and associates are sick, I help out because I know what being isolated feels like. It is important once retired to have friends, even arms-length ones, hobbies and interests, exercise, and occasionally pillows to scream into.

In retirement, I realized that I needed to actively cultivate friendship. When my friends and I get together, we choose our next meeting time. This prevents "I'll call you next month" from turning into "I meant to call you months ago".

I have work colleagues and we get together for happy hour a couple of times a week to quaff and talk about stuff.

What if we all made the assumption that those around us wanted deeper connections? It would lead to more reaching out nd lunch invitations, no doubt…

You make an excellent point about geography. While it’s critically important to maintain our deep friendships even across distance, we can all benefit from connectedness locally as well.

Having a partner, like your loving wife, is also a blessing.

Great idea!
What type of activities are you considering?
There are so many…
The library, a charity, your spiritual home, healthcare, and so many more!