Hi friends …. well, in 1 week I will be moving to my new apt in a limited income division …. I’m excited but also exhausted from the packing. Anyhow, I am worried that something is going on with my therapist. I have seen him for 12 years and he has helped me immeasurably in many ways. He always gives his patients a paper listing when he will be off during the year, for planning purposes. This year, I got the paper, and since June, everything keeps changing …. a week he was going to be on vacation, he was there …. a week he was to be in, he writes all of us and says he won’t be in. It’s been like that all summer. And then, for me – I drive almost 4 hours to get there every 2 weeks, so I leave early in the AM for an 11 appt. He wrote me and asked if we could change it to 2:30. I can’t possibly do that and still drive home ….. I don’t drive at night and when I get out of there I’m exhausted. I suggested another day but have not heard back. I have planned everything else I do up there around the 11 AM appt ….. my appt. with my Psychiatrist, and my every 6 month haircut. This whole thing has been so odd and so unlike him. I worry that he’s sick and needs treatments, and I also worry that he is trying to dump me. I’m sure not as sick as I was when I first went to him, but I have some very dark days, when I see nothing ahead but black and old age (I’m 72), just a useless blob of human. And, my insurance won’t pay for the Psychiatrist and meds unless I’m in therapy. This doctor was the first man I ever trusted …. my life experiences have been lousy with men, so I just don’t trust any of them ….. better safe than sorry. I’ve had 1 breakdown, have cyclothymia and some days just do absolutely nothing but sit here, drink tea, and eat junk.
Thanks for listening ….. I won’t see him till the 22nd and I just don’t know what I’ll be told then. I feel like a frightened little girl who is losing her “Daddy.” He’s not really,, and I know that, but trust is a new thing for me.
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator