Who to tell?

Posted by gigipatula @gigipatula, 6 days ago

A few years ago I had breast cancer. I did not tell but a few people because I didn't want anyone's advice to cloud my logical decision making. The few that I did tell, with a couple of exceptions had rather odd, puzzling and sadly rather mean responses. It made me feel very alone and lonely. Now I face a new health challenge and I don't want to tell anyone including my family but maybe a couple of friends. Thing is I know they will be hurt if they find out and that I didn't tell them but I feel so much better not saying anything. But I will admit there is this passive aggressive part of me that wants to say when they notice a scar that I can say oh yeah I had major surgery, oh oops did I forget to tell you as a bit of a slap back. Or do I take the mature road and call them out in as nice a way as I possible can that their responses were unacceptable and hurtful and they simply were not present for me when I needed them most. Thanks!

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gigipatula | @gigipatula | 1 day ago

Thank you all for your helpful input!!! I have decided not to say anything. I did see the surgeon on Thursday and she assured me I don't have anything to worry about and that I can keep surgery as an option but it's certainly not an emergency. So while the crisis may have been averted for now it is still weighing heavily on my mind and I will probably go for a 2nd opinion. The end of the day while some peoples responses may stink and be hurtful, unfeeling etc I just have to remember that they ultimately have to live with themselves and I just need to give them grace and enjoy my life and keep my mouth shut and stay in my lane.

shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 7 hours ago

Sympathy is when you try to imagine what the other person feels like. Empathy is having been there and feeling what the other person feels.
Either people don't really care, because it's happening to you, not them, or illness is so frightening and mysterious, they just check out and mumble prayers and wishes.
And let's not forget SCHADENFREUDE "Thank God this is happening to someone else, and not me!"
Muppets Take Manhattan, "Peoples ees peoples."