What is wrong with me.

Posted by thelostsoul @thelostsoul, Dec 16, 2018

I don’t know where to start. I am someone who feels lost in life. I don’t connect well with my family, especially my mother. She is a very social individual that does things that don’t understand. None of my relationships have been more than superficial. I have highs and lows through each activity. In high school I join a team and was a member for all four years. Upon graduation, I left the team and don’t feel any attachment to those I met and my achievements. I’m at a point where it feels there are too many doors open, too many possibilities. I can’t decide what avenue to persue. I know if I put forth effort I can succeed at whatever task I choose. I have no “Wants”. I just don’t wish to be a burden on anyone, ever. When invited to parties or gatherings I would supply food to share and my own water. At the end, I would insist on cleaning up with the host. There are no subjects or careers that specifically interest me, I just want a day to day purpose, a routine. I’ve found two things that can calm my mind and temporarily put me at ease: Exercise and Music. Even though I don’t have my drivers license I did hold my permit. Driving never excited me, it stressed me out. I feel competent in my skills and driving on empty roads or during less populated times. I’ve witness enough ignorant and aggressive drivers for a lifetime. Driving just feels like too many variables are out of my hands. I apologize for the jumbled rant.

@thelostsoul Have you discussed how you are feeling with a doctor?

@parus

@thelostsoul Have you discussed how you are feeling with a doctor?

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I have not discussed anything regarding my internal struggles with a doctor. I am afraid being labeled with a mental illness will prevent me from certain jobs and opportunities. Right now I comfortably wear a mask in public, but am worried that medication will change who I am.

@thelostsoul You mentioned that music helps calm you. That might be an avenue to explore with a music therapist. A counselor might be able to help you talk through things and find a direction you would be interested in going. A lot of people also feel calming effects with nature, and taking a walk might make you feel better. Another suggestion I can make is volunteer in your community. I used to teach swimming to disabled children and adults, and I felt great doing that. Some of the kids were non verbal and finding a connection with them and having fun made me feel so valued, and they didn't see themselves as different. That was an important lesson for me and I had to meet them on their own terms and let them direct the show with my guidance.

We can't choose our parents, and I know that not having a close connection with a parent is hard, but that doesn't need to affect how you interact with other people. Your mom might have her own struggles that occupy her attention. You get to choose what you think about and are interested in, and when you find others with similar interests, you can make a connection. Pets can help you connect and volunteering at a pet shelter might be good. I know you expressed concerns about being labeled, but I don't see that in your words at all. The fact that you reached out here tells me that you are looking to find meaningful connections in your life. You can do this and find a place to shine. Start with small steps and keep a journal about your feelings. It will help you process. You don't have to show that to anyone, but it will show you your progress. Don't worry about making a decision about your life, just find something to enjoy for one day, and take it one day at a time. You might find something quite by accident that leads you in a direction. I am a good example of that myself. The reason that I am here trying to help others is because of what I learned going through my own medical challenges and learning how to overcome my fears of major surgery. I had spine surgery at Mayo, and it changed my life. I also brought my will to succeed and I did everything I could think of creatively to accomplish that goal, and it worked. I used music and art as my self directed therapy. We even have a discussion about that in the Just want to Talk Group called Art for Healing. I've posted a lot in there, and music and art are closely related. You're welcome to join in there if you wish.

@thelostsoul

I have not discussed anything regarding my internal struggles with a doctor. I am afraid being labeled with a mental illness will prevent me from certain jobs and opportunities. Right now I comfortably wear a mask in public, but am worried that medication will change who I am.

Jump to this post

@thelostsoul Can understand how you feel as to being labeled. Try not to allow your fear to prohibit you from seeking out help. The family physician is usually a place to start. You do not need to “spill your guts”. A family doctor is a stepping stone in seeking out where to go for some input.

@thelostsoul
Hello there,
Jeez, talk about a pitty party!
You need to grow up, life isn’t easy and it’s going to get much more difficult as you get older. But regardless of what the future holds life goes on. You have to learn to cope with those tragedies and accept them and continue on your life’s journey. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Try and help your mother instead of criticizing her. My father has been gone over 30 years and it’s very hard looking back now how I caused him so much misery when I had a breakdown because I was having problems dealing with my seizures but I tried not to criticize or speak a hurtful word to him. Same with my Mom whom I enjoy taking care of. Hopefully that privilege will last many more years. I’m curious about your age? Have you ever stopped to think about helping others? Believe me, there is no greater gift than to give of yourself and you should start by helping your mother. To find true happiness you need to serve others. TRUE happiness will only be found when you give it away. Continuing to dwell on yourself will only bring you more unhappiness and lead to increased depression.
You probably think I have been harsh but I deeply care about everyone on Connect and say what I believe really needs to be said. Remember, your only going to get out of your life what your willing to put into it. Perhaps your expectations are too high.
I also feel you need to talk to someone, perhaps starting with your mother. Parents have great wisdom but you have to be open and willing to listen and accept their recommendations. If you go to church or even if you don’t, a member of the clergy may be able to help.
I wish you all the happiness the world has to offer.
Blessings,
Jake

Liked by Parus

Hi @thelostsoul and welcome to Connect. I'm really glad that you shared your struggle. Am I correct in guessing that you are a young adult, finished high school and ready to start the next chapter of life (college, job, career)? That can be a huge scary time of life. At this time of life it seems as though some jump into the next chapter with direction, purpose and ease. For people who haven't found a passion, attachment or goal, it can be daunting – kinda like being in the middle of the ocean with only a small plank to hold onto and no land in sight.

It's interesting to see the support you've received from others so far in this thread — from @parus understanding and guidance, from @jenniferhunter creative ideas, and @jakedduck1 chose to grab you by the shoulders and give you a shake. I might suggest taking a bit from each of these approaches.

Mental illness does carry a dreadful stigma yet and still, unfortunately. It doesn't have to be that way. I can understand your concerns about being labelled. However, mental wellness is as important as physical wellness. Going to your doctor to help find someone to talk with is a good place to start. It doesn't mean you get a diagnosis, a label or a prescription for drugs. It just means you're seeking guidance, maybe from a therapist or social worker. Do you think you PCP would help you find a counselor.

I like Jennifer's idea of possibly volunteering at an animal shelter. Do you like animals? They can be so therapeutic for some people. I think that may also be what Jake was getting at (albeit gruffly and more matter-of-factly). Focusing your attention on someone or something needier than you, like an animal, can actual help you focus on you. By feeling good about helping someone or something else, you start to feel more connected and more positive to pursue what you want to do. No need for big decisions today. One step at a time. What might that first step be?

Now I'm rambling. Does this make any sense?

@thelostsoul

I have not discussed anything regarding my internal struggles with a doctor. I am afraid being labeled with a mental illness will prevent me from certain jobs and opportunities. Right now I comfortably wear a mask in public, but am worried that medication will change who I am.

Jump to this post

Hello, @thelostsoul.

I am pleased to hear that you have taken off your mask here at Mayo Connect and you have let us see who you are. There are many people on Connect who have used this forum to "take off their masks" and revealed that person inside the mask. Many of them have found compassion, understanding and have begun to "take off their mask" in other areas of their life as well.

I would encourage you, as others have done, to decide to remove that mask to at least one other person. Perhaps a compassionate person like a guidance counselor, former teacher, pastor, the mother of a friend or your doctor. Just talk a bit about that mask and why you wear it and what it keeps you from doing and being. As you begin the process of "unmasking" you can get help to see the future with the "real you."

I look forward to hearing from you. Will you post again?

@thelostsoul After reading the above words of other members it is evident that members do care and have shared encouraging words.
Wondering how you are doing. Be kind to yourself and take small steps. Hoping you have looked into finding someone to talk to about your fears and concerns. You are young and have your whole life to live. I know you like music. Is there anything else you enjoy??

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