What is wrong with me.
I don’t know where to start. I am someone who feels lost in life. I don’t connect well with my family, especially my mother. She is a very social individual that does things that don’t understand. None of my relationships have been more than superficial. I have highs and lows through each activity. In high school I join a team and was a member for all four years. Upon graduation, I left the team and don’t feel any attachment to those I met and my achievements. I’m at a point where it feels there are too many doors open, too many possibilities. I can’t decide what avenue to persue. I know if I put forth effort I can succeed at whatever task I choose. I have no “Wants”. I just don’t wish to be a burden on anyone, ever. When invited to parties or gatherings I would supply food to share and my own water. At the end, I would insist on cleaning up with the host. There are no subjects or careers that specifically interest me, I just want a day to day purpose, a routine. I’ve found two things that can calm my mind and temporarily put me at ease: Exercise and Music. Even though I don’t have my drivers license I did hold my permit. Driving never excited me, it stressed me out. I feel competent in my skills and driving on empty roads or during less populated times. I’ve witness enough ignorant and aggressive drivers for a lifetime. Driving just feels like too many variables are out of my hands. I apologize for the jumbled rant.