What is the funniest thing a doctor has ever said to you?

Thanks for sharing another story of Orthopedists playing roulette. I'm an unsuccessful TKR recipient and into 7 1/2 years post surgery, including a revision. I probably heard every diagnosis why I have pain from soup to nuts. The latest this month is one doctor recommended I have a nerve block, followed up with another new ortho wanting to give me a cortisone shot in my hip explaining that sometimes the pain is transmitted to the knee. Yes sirree, they're throwing anything on the wall to see what sticks. Of course they don't advise you of the detrimental cortisone effects and none want to do an MRI. No wonder they have you sign all those waivers before surgery.

Hi " OUCH",
I love your " nom de plume."
Why didn't I think of that?????????

Yes, we live in a small town & I thiink some of these docs
can get away with more here
but
on the other hand, people do talk to each other more,
so eventually some do get a bad rep= thank goodness.
Physical therapy has helped my knee the most......& if
I lose a little weight, that should also help.
Do you live near any large town or university? Might get some ideas
for help at a university with a med school. Good luck.
( maybe I can be "ouchy"......would you mind? 🙂 )

Absolutely not! I won't invoke any copywrite restrictions (just kidding). My comment that you responded to mentions ideas, many many ideas. I need help not ideas! I lived in NY and now in the Nashville, TN area. In my search for pain relief, regardless of money, I sought out the best Ortho's to no avail. I have requested diagnostic techniques beyond the basic x-rays, e.g., MRI, CT SCAN, or ultrasound, only to be denied with the explanation that an MRI is not appropriate because the prosthetic is metal. It's frustrating to discover in my research that my Titanium prosthetic is not magnetic. I have to admit this forum helps to blow off some steam when the medical community doesn't help.

Made me laugh out loud! I wish one of my doctors would take me outside and shoot me.
———
I am not a Mayo Clinic patient but love the support groups so here I am..

I have endometrial
clear cell carcinoma. I was told that I have, at most, three years to live.

So, I took a little poll from four of my doctors.
I’d been receiving tons of info about cancer fighting foods and that chocolate was one of the worst things I could eat.

I confessed to bingeing on chocolate for a week, expecting a harsh scolding response. I got the same response from all: “You are seventy-four years old and have an incurable cancer, soon you will be super skinny and throwing up all the time… so eat anything you want to, eat chocolate all day long if you want to.”

Having always been fat, I have been waiting all my life to hear those words. I knew they were kidding to some degree but we all laughed like crazy.
😜

I love this topic! The funniest thing a doctor ever told me happened when I was age 11.

I had just come through Rheumatic Fever and was seeing cardiologists for heart valve damage. Needless to say, at age 11, heart problems are not typical, and getting a realistic perspective did not come naturally for me. On one of my visits to the cardiologist, he told me, "Don't worry about your heart, it will last you for as long as you live."

At age 11, that brought me great comfort. It wasn't until I became an adult that I saw the humor!!

One of my children had a terrible time with ear infections as a baby and toddler. We were seeing the pediatrician at least monthly for another round of antibiotics.
On one such occasion, the doctor must have seen the weariness on my face. He asked how I was doing. I don't recall my answer, but he looked at me and said, "Well, as long as I don't see his face in (the humane society) Pet of the Week, I'll assume you are coping."

Back when I was in the army, you had to maintain a certain weight range (this is a peace time rule). I was always just on the cusp of being overweight which would put you on the "fat boy (girl) program". You were then ineligible for any positive personnel actions like school or promotion. At 5'1" I could weigh a maximum of something like 137 pounds. I weighed in at 138 so I had to be counseled by the staff surgeon. He talked to me about diet and exercise but then got out a tape measure and measured my head to hips and several other measurements including the length of my legs. Then the doctor (Colonel) said "You're not overweight, you're just too short". Apparently based on the length of my torso, my legs should be longer. I thought that was a a great way to justify my weight.

So titanium is pure T and not have iron in it?

Not to me but to my MIL,
She was in her eighties, the Dr. told her that she was like a car, from the outside everything looks good, but on the inside everything is falling apart!

When your doctor tells you that your Prosthetic knees is titanium he's not technically accurate. The prosthetic is an alloy that contains titanium. Titanium by itself would be too soft causing the implant to fail prematurely. I couldn't answer your question whether there is iron in it so I googled it as follows "a combination of materials, including titanium alloys, cobalt-chromium alloys, and medical-grade plastic (polyethylene)."
My problem was that my last doctor said "we can't do an MRI because your knee is magnetic," which is a total falsehood. My present doctor will schedule me for an MRI following a bone scan. Have a good day Ouchy.