What are your tips for staying independent at your own home?

If you have your wealth, you have your wealth.

Colleen- What an excellent topic. I learned a lot about this as I cared for my husband and what might be needed after he passed away for me.

His port-a-pot is stored in the basement and so is a handlebar to help with getting out of bed. And we have stools galore (I'm short). I also have a fire extinguisher and have just received a fire blanket. I've had a contractor put sanded thin pads on the front steps.

I've also hired a landscaper and am interviewing a cleaning person. The cleaning person is because of a healing broken back. I have my meds delivered despite the pharmacy's close proximity. I order multiple ordinary things from Amazon, even medical kit replacements. Makeup and moisturizers I also order online.

Anything that you wear a lot of can be left where it's most convenient. And if I need to I'll send laundry out.

I also have kept a walker and bath seat and lots of washing clothes and towels.

I know that there are more but some of these, as you said, you can't use. My town also provides 911 "pick me up off the floor" services. There are also bracelets to protect you. Have you contacted "free" ride services through your hospital or town?

Merry

@rca- It was my experience with my husband that if I gave a great big smile to someone with a "tude" they would change their "tude" toward my husband being slow, or looking different. Attitude is a powerful thing! You can use it to your advantage and change the way people think and react.

If you don't live too far away from the beach perhaps you can hire a car for the day? Do you belong to any clubs that have other people who might want to join you?

Merry

Yes, I hired uber or lyft to take me and met someone there who was with a dog too. I also went to the Lake on Sat. with a former employee and he charged me to drive me there. Not the same as being with family or friends who understand YOU. Some of these people don't speak English, can't find you even with navigation. If you didn't have your husband, you'd me struggling too.

Everything sounds simple but it's not at all.

I don't have my husband, @rca. He died April 10th of this year. And it is hard, and it is awful, and it is a struggle. It tore me apart. I couldn't move for weeks. I was stunned and beyond reason. He died of vascular dementia. We would have been married for 45 years this August 29th. He died from a horrible disease, vascular dementia.

And yes, things won't ever be the same for me, you, or anyone who goes through this. It can't be undone, but we can make it easier by looking at different ways to make a lousy situation better.

I am a patient at Mass General. While caring for my husband, I had to spend a week in MA having radiation. I often had to talk to people whose first language wasn't English. But they could communicate if given a chance. I bet that they felt out of place and at a loss for control as I did, lying under a giant machine shooting photon rays at my two lesions that were close to my heart.

A reaction to my husband's death was also impatience, but when I could see how hurt I made other people by being impatient, I stopped.

I have also felt very put out, but that will pass. I think that it's more a lack of control than it is an inconvenience. At least, it is for me.

Merry

@notmoff, I believe using @mguspixi25 will send off something to me, for instance, if you use my handle, and the same goes for other members, if you’d like to have someone get your messages that @merpreb mentioned earlier 🙂

Thanks for sharing this bit of your life Merry ❤️‍🩹
I was with a partner around a year or so into our relationship (having known each other for some time prior), where he wasn’t well for two days and I (being in the health industry) was madly calling in favours from the cardiologist and pulmonologist friends I had to get him seen because I knew something wasn’t right - it was a Saturday - and he was booked for extensive tests on Monday (these docs did everything to help get him in with them asap), but sadly he had a massive heart attack on Sunday mid morning...I did my best, but I just could not save him, and consequently blamed myself for years - it took that long to internalise that in fact the event was so anatomically catastrophic that there was nothing that could have been done to save him…I felt like the life had been slapped right out of me, feeling stunned and frozen inside.
What was worse was his friends and family bailed me up in a corner at the funeral and fired a barrage of accusatory statements and harsh questions as to why he wasn’t alive, I should’ve done more😔
I still feel that pain these years later, however I’m learning more and more that the emotional prison isn’t a place where I need to exist. Not saying that’s what’s happening for you - I just thought I’d share this back and kindly say that in a way, I understand.
A little off topic for this thread, but as you’ve said, here on Connect is where we are amongst people who can relate and understand 🌺

@mguspixi25- Hello. It's nice to meet you. Emotional baggage might be a great topic.

I agree, I don't want to be in an emotional prison either. At first, it's hard to escape this. It's comfortable because you are emotionally with your husband, even if the emotions are horrible.

What was done to you was very unkind. They were taking their disbelief and anger out on you. As you know, with your history, heart attacks can be tough to stop. Their reactions most likely fueled your guilt. Like you needed more help, right?

I’m afraid that I’m not, just a somewhat grumpy old man.
BTW I meant to write seventy one not eighty one, sorry.

Well, we are all harsh on ourselves in many ways. But it is very impressive that you would take a jump into the unknown and take in lodgers of many ages and ethnicities. It shows to me that you haven’t allowed life to narrow as so many do. My best to you!