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What about Me?
I am so tired, tired of dealing with all the groaning, moaning all day, every day even through meals which is making me not want to prepare meals or eat with H.
I understand he is scared as he has some understanding of what is happening to him mentally, but geez, it is not my fault. He gets mean and yells at me, publicly, like I am a child!
Friends are kind, but as others have said, we - him - are just not fun any more. I know some are afraid this will eventually happen to them. People we really don't know have tried to take advantage of him.
Heck, his middle daughter tried to get him to change his will to her favor when he was in the hospital last year. This daughter he really hasn't seen in almost a year, no birthday card or Father's Day card to him.
I understand the Calvery is not coming, but darn, it sure is difficult as more and more things go on. I am feeling very lonely.
Keeping up the house is difficult. We are just $300 a month from being eligible for various assistant programs.
The above-mentioned daughter has now started lying about me to her sister and brother. I have always had a good relationship with his eldest daughter since her and her father reconciled (over her changing religion before I met her, which no one in the family understood). The last few times I have talked to her she has been frigid at best. Seems the middle daughter is putting things out there that I am stealing their inheritance among other things.
This just floors me. I have had enough and don't need this with his family on top of everything going on with him daily. The door is starting to look pretty good right now and I can guarantee you that none of his adult children will help him out. None of them has done anything for us in the, oh, last 31 years, whether we needed help or not. His son has hit us up for $$ over the years, and the middle daughter's sons always have their hands out.
The truth be told, when I married their father some 31 years ago, he had a decent job but really had nothing. I had a house that was over 50% paid for, a paid off car, furniture. At that time he had just finished paying child support for his youngest son, who came to live with him after the child support stopped.
These people are starting to scare me. Right now I know what his will says, but I am afraid that if he gets enough pressure, he will cave to them.
This is part of me dealing with being his caretaker. It scares the begesus out of me. I did talk to a lawyer but I can only do things with items that are mine. It is not like we have a lot, just the house, the 8 yr. old car, and my furniture with a few pieces added.
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I am sorry to have written all this but I am scared. The middle daughter is very cunning. I have already made my PCP aware of what she does and he has told me that if she starts up again to let him know ASAP, he made me actually promise
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2 ReactionsThe other day I lost my balance and fell backward. I was lucky I didn't go through the shower door and the seat we have in the shower stopped me from hitting my hear against the wall or floor.
H was upset with me...what did I do, I need to be careful. He didn't even ask me if I was okay. I was able to crawl and drag myself to the bed where I waited until I got the strength, and my strong leg positioned right, to pull myself up. There is no way that he could have helped me up with all his problems.
I realize now, after that, that I am going to have to look into one of those alert necklaces you wear. I had always figured we could help each other (I use a cinch strap thingy when he has problems).
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2 ReactionsDo you have documents signed appointing your Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare POA? An Elder Law attorney should be able to explain what you need for your protection.
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2 Reactions@kartwk I have known for a long time my husband wouldn't be able to help me if I fell or had any problem. So I always have my cell phone on me. I don't wear anything that doesn't have a pocket.
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3 Reactions@celia16
I haven't been able to get a dementia diagnosis from the Doc. yet. But I am trying.
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2 Reactions@kartwk, But what I mean is do you have someone appointed and authorized to act on your behalf if you are not able? If you have documents that appoint someone you trust, you might be less worried about various family members trying to interfere with you.
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4 Reactions@celia16
Yes I do and it is not him but a cousin up in Chicago.
I posted as a newbie on here but can't find my post. ALL OF US CAREGIVERS suffer burnout and in my case suicidal thoughts and am seeing therapists and DR. BUT i don't think allot of these people can understand how bad it is for the caregiver. EVERYDAY i think about killing myself. THEN THEY TELL YOU TO CALL 988. I have been hospitalized trying to deal with this and my husband who is the cancer patient has freaked out with me discussing this when he is trying to focus on living so how backwards does this sound to all of you?
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1 ReactionI am also wondering if anyone else is in early 60s dealing with this because I FEEL it is too young
@deniae
I can understand how you feel. I haven't reached that point but what I deal with really gets to me. Especially the CONSTANT moaning and groaning, honking and trying to get up nonexistent phlegm - ALL DAY, EVERY DAY on top of his mental deterioration.
I know I shouldn't let his adult children get to me, but when they are lining up to go for anything he has his name on after he passes (AND he is a long way from that right now), well that is one more thing that adds to my state now.
Like you say, every one tells you to get help. But getting help is difficult and expensive. H also makes it difficult.
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