waiting for natural speedy death - life ruined by ssri and benzos

Posted by mojojojo84 @mojojojo84, Nov 2, 2022

I took short bout of SSRI and benzo in May due to anxiety. I experienced bad physical side effects - increased palpitations, anxiety, nausea and decided to quit CT. I immediately experienced insomnia upon CT and couldn't sleep till now. Even if i do managed to sleep (broken 1 -2 hours), it will be like light sleep, with many images and sight.
I used to be able to sleep like a baby before these drugs, I could nap in the afternoon and evening. These days, even several drowsy antihistamine couldn't give me the sleepy feeling etc. My eyes are totally dried and vision is getting poor.

Because of prolonged insomnia, I've begun to experience daily 24/7 head tension and pressure, I couldn't go out for days and weeks and would feel giddy and extreme pain when I'm out. Hence, I'm bedridden and homebound most of the time. I am very anxious when I go out and the brain said please remember everything you see and will flash those images of people i walked past, seen or heard randomly. Due to prolonged insomnia, I don't know how to sleep, my ideal of sleep is just shutting my eyes and then the brain will "entertain" me with images, music. I have a singing brain too with 24/7 earworm of various songs. Example, if i see the word "jump", my brain will start singing madonna 's jump song

My brain has also been very warped, creating visual images of everything and leaking these images or past suppressed memories from my subconscious to me. Hence, I need to be constantly distracted with a hp/monitor.

I have attempted suicide by overdosing many times as my life is entirely ruined by these drugs. I couldn't step out of the flat, not to mention work. Z sleeping drugs could only work for once or twice by giving me 4 hours of sleep then it stopped working .

My life is ruined . Psychiatrists, counsellors i went to just simply dismissed by symptoms as anxiety. Neurologist refused to lay a finger on me - preferring to refer me to the psychiatrist for insomnia and symptomatic treatment. I have been to the ERs several times due to head tension and pressure and all scans are clear. I cannot imagine living like that for the rest of my life. It's been 6 months of endless, daily suffering and torture. I am only in my 30s, I long to work, have kids and live life to the fullest but now, everyday I am only praying for speedy natural death and god's mercy.

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cookiegirl1944 | @cookiegirl1944 | Nov 4, 2022

I am so sorry. What do you think caused the insomnia? The antidepressant?

cookiegirl1944 | @cookiegirl1944 | Nov 4, 2022

In reply to @cookiegirl1944 "I am so sorry. What do you think caused the insomnia? The antidepressant?" + (show)

Are you still on the benzodiazepines? If not, how long have you been off? How did you get off?

cookiegirl1944 | @cookiegirl1944 | Nov 4, 2022

In reply to @peeteer22 "mojojojo84 I agree with the above, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE ! I thought about doing..." + (show)

You did the right thing to keep going!

mojojojo84 | @mojojojo84 | Nov 4, 2022

i sleep about 4 to 5 hours fragmented sleep but i guess its not deep sleep so it induce the head tension, pressure and dry eyes

healingxxx | @healingxxx | Apr 8 12:29am

Hello, can I ask how you are going now? Did you try any other medication? I am going through something similar. Please?

intendtorecover | @intendtorecover | Apr 8 5:25am

There is hope. While I took an SNRI, the withdrawal and the changes in my brain chemistry wrecked havoc on my mental and physical health.
After two years, my sleep and life has improved. My anxiety and depression has subsided.
Research and trust your instincts! While being under the care of a health care practitioner is important, do not depend on medical professionals to save you. They can't and they won't. They have limited answers about this phenomenon.

I saw a great turnaround with the combination of counseling and acupuncture. Ten sessions of the latter was recommended for me. I also found a Nurse Practioner who specializes in holistic healing. While she does and can prescribe medicine, she focuses on supplements first.
She was the only Healthcare provider that did a full battery of labs on me, which in turn indicated which vitamin deficiencies I had, as well as (and this is vital) my cortisol levels.
You CAN get well.

ferret911 | @ferret911 | Apr 8 10:35am

I share the benzo/antidepressant and insomnia anxiety cocktail. I’m considering weaning off my low dose antidepressant, but not the low dose benzo-my annxiety about not sleeping is too bad. Not sleeping kicks off my AFIB and we’re off and running when that starts to join the party.

I recommend you try Audible stories to keep sleep anxiety at bay, plus follow all the old tricks-no light, make your bed comfy and nice smelling (lavender essential oil spray), take 10 minutes to “look forward to bed” mentally before lying down, and deep breathe in your nest once you’re in it. In advance, select some long and semi-interesting Audible novels with a reader’s voice you like (use the“Sample” selection to find books that look good, but not too exciting). Finally, try having a sweet treat (a cookie or fruit?) if you’re balled up in your habitual anxiety-these allay my “can’t sleep, will I sleep, what if I don’t sleep?” mental cycling”…do I have a possible night time low blood sugar problem?
This has worked “okay” for me. Mainly, I know I’ll at least have an interesting bedtime story to keep me company, plus a sugar “fix” in a great bed- that’s not a bad way to turn off your head. Try it for two weeks-be open to giving it a chance to work for you…