Vascular dementia and alzheimer's

I’m sorry you are facing this. It’s brutal for sure. It is good that you understand what lies ahead. I would recommend a consult with an elder law attorney who focuses on long term care planning. You can get your rights and responsibilities. I’d seek information on what resources you might have for your husband. Providing care by yourself in the home for a person who has significant dementia isn’t feasible. I’d get all options, based in your situation. Based on what my family has experienced with caregiving two people who had dementia, I would not recommend it in the home after a certain point. It is extremely hard to do, even with outside help coming in. Of course, everyone is different. Others may have had different experiences. Getting online support is smart.

@summer091111 I’m sorry that your situation is so difficult. How long has he been giving you ‘trouble’? Have you contacted the Alzheimer’s Association? They probably have lots of good information that will help you. I don’t know know the exact url for it but I’m sure you can just type in Alzheimer’s and Google will find it!

@becsbuddy yes I've reached out to the Alzheimer's Association and have gotten involved in doing the walks to help generate donations. I've been doing it since my husband was diagnosed. I also reached out to the Association during the time I was carrying for my sister. I will definitely be reaching out to them for further assistance as our journey begins along with lots of prayers 🙏. He started giving me problems from the time he was diagnosed but I think because of his denial. I've spoken to his memory doctor about it several times. She's very good at helping me with issues I have with him. Thank you very much for your sharing this information with me.

@celia16 thank you very much for your thoughts. I know that eventually I'm going to have to do something else because he's a bit taller than me. And by the experience I had with settling my sister down, their strength is stronger where I couldn't control her. Much less a man. I'm not a big person to be able to handle his strength at all. I'm going to get with Alzheimer's Association for guidance in the long term care as you stated. He's a veteran, I would think they have places as well. Thank you again for sharing this information with me.

@summer091111 , yes about Veterans. Every place I spoke with about care asked if my loved one was a veteran. It was my understanding that long term care was available at veterans’ facilities.

As you observe progression, I’d have help available you can reach quickly at all hours. I was surprised how quickly mobility declined. With a heavy person you can’t budge being bed bound…..it becomes imperative to get assistance at all hours.

About getting out, I’ve switched to only going to places that have drive-through windows, for eating- fast food (McDonalds, Chick-filet, Dairy Queen, Dunkin’ Donuts), use a pharmacy with drive-up window, use Walmart pick-up for groceries/household. I order online for stores that still have curbside pick-up. Getting my husband in and out of the car and not knowing how he’ll behave in public has made these moves necessary, but they work!
I turned my husband’s drivers license into the state and they sent an ID card that looks very much the same, he was pleased with that, almost like by having a drivers license and it was me and that doctor preventing him from using it, made him mad.

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. My uncle had dementia for about ten years. His wife was his caregiver but she was able to get help through the Veterans. They provided in home care 16 hours a week. During that time she’d shop and do other errands as well as get some alone time. When needed the Veterans also supplied a wheel chair, walker and hospital bed. She was so happy with the service she received. You should check into it.

I am so sorry that you are facing this challenge with your husband. I understand your fears about what the future might bring. For me, The hardest part was the not knowing how and when the situation will progress. And who you can count on for support. I started a notebook with all the information that could possibly be of assistance in this situation. A section for doctor visits, questions and medications, a section for financial and legal matters and advice ( powers of attorney for finances/legal and health care decisions), a section for caregivers and respite care, and most importantly, a section where I think about and prioritize the things that will help me get from day to day, eg. daily prayer, phone calls to friends who understand, posting on websites like this one, keeping up with my own health care needs. It's easy to forget ourselves and get lost in the daily grind of care for a loved one with dementia. It is heartbreaking to watch him slowly disappear and our marriage change from one of mutual love and respect to one of a child and his mother. Please continue to post here. We all understand what you are facing and want to support you.