Trying to feel normal but don’t know what that is.

I am very sorry for your pain. To cover up or deny a behavioral health issue never works. I hope you get help soon. A psychiatrist and therapist. If you also have an addiction this will need treatment too

How do you define normal?

@peacock12
Welcome to Mayo Connect, my thoughts are with you as you struggle with both addition and depression. I have dealt with both, and you must treat both condition if hope to improve and find a new normal.

If you have not heard the term, it is sometimes called dual diagnosis which refers to person with simultaneous presence of two distinct conditions: a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder. Addiction and mental illness on their own are difficult to overcome. But when they’re in concert, they’re even more challenging.

Self-medication to deal with depression may actually be making depression worse.
I am glad you're seeing a therapist, sometimes it takes time working with a therapist to see progress. In my opinion, treating depression and addition sometimes is harder than treating other diseases.

In addition to therapist, have you talked to your primary care provider about?
Have you sought any treatment for your addition beside your current therapist?

I completely understand what your going through...my depression and grief of the loss of my son has sent me into a spiral ..drinking and using...even other terrible habits...I'm ashamed of my actions...but like you..I pray 🙏 the lord heals me before it's to late...I would love to go back to normal again...I pray 🙏 the Lord helps you...prayers for all that suffer

I'm still trying to feel "normal". I thought that felt normal when I was a nurse at a detox center before I retired due to my mental health. Shock treatments were effective for a minute. That was 2016. My partner of 22 yrs died in 2022. That relationship was so fantastic! I absolutely ADORED her!!!! She was my heart. But when I went to a coda meeting, learned that I was as codependent as she was! I've been in recovery from alcohol and other drugs for 30 yrs. I'm much more normal due to my sobriety. I've been in therapy and under psychiatric care for over 30 yrs. I got sober when I had committed myself to a yr in an incest survivors group 31 yrs ago. I took back my power. So much childhood trauma. But now I'm so depressed that I can barely put one ft in front of the other. My shrink had weaned me off one drug and soon the 2d and last drug will b d/c bc it no longer works either. I don't want to die...I just don't want to live like this anymore. I grieve 4 my partner every day!!!!

Oh my my you find the path to the other side of the bridge and not go back to the other side it is so hard

Normal I believe is not what society families churches etc dictate. Normal is a lifestyle that is healthy fun relaxing for you. In my case I needed to do what my healthcare providers said.There is a saying you are CEO and architect of your life. You create your future. We all have agency- the power to decide. Knowledge is power.

I decided I can choose the ‘normal’ I want! I dedicated my time and resources to become normal as a sober and socially responsible person and spent over 5,000 hours doing it. Now I know what it is to live a life that as a child I thought I could be. I really love me, no pretending now.

Normal for me before sobriety was trying to feel than I felt thu a number of ways( mostly Alcohol) and any thing else that took away the anxiety, etc
In sobriety now accepting the serenity prayer and realize I have no power over people, places and things is very helpful

That's what I pray for..Normal sober life...been to a few meetings...man...I hear my life's story in others...I have 13 days sober...I know...woooo..but it's a start for me..never made the decision to get sober before...my nerves are frazzled...but I'm gonna make it...glad you got your sobriety...congratulations..I pray for all that suffer