To live

Five years ago, I went into neuropathy with both legs every time I stood up at fall after two years I could walk then it went into my stomach. I couldn’t eat for eight minutes lost so much weight. Nobody knew what was going on then they found MGUS. At least there’s a name. . No side effects. I don’t think so. That’s in my head. I get shots in my eyes just so I can keep seeing now. The infections have started last month. I had c diff in my intestines and in my blood, and because the shots I get in my ass so I can keep seeing my eyes got infected, which caused extreme pain in my whole face. It took two months for them to figure that one out I prayed for death, but it didn’t come. I finally got the infection out of my face in my head gone. My stomach is now messed up and hurts constantly. I don’t do the watch and wait again game. On the days I can I will take life and I will live it to the fullest extent that I can live it. I make plans for the future to give me something to reach for. On the days that it hurts the worse maybe not the worst but the days that it is really bad I laugh and I laugh as loud in this hard as I can just to get through it on the days that are bad I pray for the pain to go away. They say they don’t treat it to becomes cancerous. Guess what it’s gonna be too late for that because if they can’t treat me before now they’re not gonna wait till incurable before they start treating me. I decided I’m not gonna play that game. Treat me now or don’t treat me at all. Just give me this stuff to get rid of all the symptoms. I went on vacation. I went to my doctor. I said I need four things something to fight the infection before I go and while I’m there something for the pain so I don’t have to feel the pain they can still enjoy life stuff for the nausea and stuff for the diarrhea. Give me that so I can live. I went on vacation and had a great time then come back to reality graduate. Everything is getting completely worse. Nothing I can do nothing they can do just live as long as I can live when it takes me it will take me, but it will do it on my terms. No doctors no regiments live day by day and my body can’t take it no more then it will do what it needs to do on its own.. it hurts I cry I pray it still hurts and I still laugh. The days I can’t laugh I stay in bed get comfortable and enjoy the moments. I have with my dog my TV and what I need to make myself comfortable and what will be will be good luck to everyone who suffers this I wouldn’t wish you on anybody. Part of my laughing thing I do is I always ask everybody they wanna switch bodies with me. No takers yet, but I still keep asking and then I’ll laugh and say why not. it makes it a little lighthearted, easier to deal with a little bit and just the slightest way. And I have told people if they don’t wanna live with me when I’m alive don’t be there when I’m done cause I don’t want you there live with me and if you can’t live with me, don’t die with me.