The Black Cloud

I haven't been around too much lately .... I've really been extremely depressed, to the point where I have not gotten dressed for 3 days. Brief background for those who have forgotten ..... I'm 72, lived in MD for 30+ years; divorced after a marriage of 40 years - 3 grown children, 2 of whom live where I am now (VA) with their families. I have an apartment I cannot afford and am praying to get a low-income apt. within the next few months. It took me 5 long years to decide to move here .... all the while my 2 kids were really wanting me to be closer. I had a condo in MD which I loved, had all my support systems there .... church, friends, neighbors, doctors, etc. But, finally I relented and I've been here now for 16 months. I have tried and tried to like it, and feel at home, but I don't. I do love being with my kids, but that is not often as they have their lives too. I drive up to MD every 2 weeks to see my therapist and every 3 months to see my Psychiatrist. I cannot find a church even close to mine, people are very "clannish" in this area, and my finances are flat out this month. I am renting out my condo in MD, but since I pay the HoA fee, I make all of $6.00 on it. I try to convince myself, and everyone around me, that I am happy here, and want to stay, but it's all a coverup. My kids don't understand anything about Bipolar II (somewhat milder form than Bipolar I), and anytime I try to talk to them, they change the subject. They don't want to hear it ... not sure if it's denial or fear on their part. I feel as though I am in a deep dark hole, with a black wet blanket over me, calling for someone to come and help get me out, but no one does. I liken this to yanking an old tree out of the ground and replanting it in a foreign country ..... it may thrive, then again it may not.
Abby