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Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer
Are you living with advanced cancer (sometimes referred to as stage 4 or metastatic cancer)?
This discussion is a safe space where you can connect with others to talk about the realities of living with limited time. It's not easy to find people who understand what it is like. For many reasons, you may not feel comfortable talking about your thoughts and emotions with friends or family. Perhaps you are alone. Even if you are surrounded by people who support you, you may experience intense loneliness.
Connect is a place where honest conversation can safely take place. You can speak frankly and be heard without judgement. I invite you to share your reality facing death and living now.
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Thank you!
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1 ReactionI have a question. I had an oncologist ( that I loved ) who ordered a pet scan with every visit, every 3 months ….and now have a well supported oncologist who NEVER orders one ! Who was/is right???
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1 Reaction@cindylb P.S. never any regrets when you lead from love
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1 Reaction@cindylb Your message really hit home. The raw honesty and pain came across 100%, at least to me. I only have had to be a caregiver while he was recovering from a serious ATV accident (and I had just begun chemo) and I definetley couldn't give as much as I felt he deserved, he has been dealing with me for 9 years. I know the worst for him has been when they say "get your/her affairs in order" it has always been fantastic that I have been granted miracles and am still alive BUT I have felt it must be torture for him even more than for me. The facts are you have to take care of the business end of having cancer but please know that from my end I truly appreciate how smoothly he handles that , makes me feel less guilty for screwing with your life. We have been married for 43 years in June and this is not what we had planned. I hope you get some support here and also a place to blow off steam! lol I come here often just to get the perspective of the caregivers or any new ideas there are out there!!
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4 ReactionsHello @cindylb I am sorry to read of your husband's health troubles. So difficult to face cancer and even a bit more so when you haven't a clue as to the cause, primary, etc. We are so accustomed to almost immediate answers and a pill to cure our ills in most cases.
I am also sorry to read of the other losses you have had in your family. It must beyond debilitating to manage all the grief.
My wife went for a second opinion when she was diagnosis with her brain tumor. it was a very wise move on our part. We found a doctor team with a much improved bedside manner, understanding, and support structure. We didn't get a lot of new information, but we ended up getting a far better healthcare team who stuck with us for her entire 14 years1
You are right in your concern that caregiving can become overwhelming. I, too, had to take over every aspect of our lives when my wife was diagnoses and through her war years with her cancer. I learned quickly to 'totem' our needs. Her needs were tops, after that each thing was weighed, valued, and often times discarded as nonessential. There were still far too many times I felt, and was, overwhelmed by all the demands.
I appreciated your comment regarding 'no regrets'. You might get a lift out of the attached photo. I saw this cheezy light at a discount store and had to buy it. I, too, wanted no regrets when it all ended. Sadly, it is my personal opinion that it is impossible to be a caregiver and not come away from the experience with absolutely no regrets. I regret I let some things slide I had to, I regret some of the times I got too short tempered due to the stress, etc. That's why I have this light. I tap it on when the doubts about what I did and didn't do creep into my mind. I remember to look at it all in its entirety, where on balance I can say the sign is right. It's the best we humans can do.
Strength, courage, and peace!
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5 ReactionsI was directed over to this support group by the lung cancer group and am glad to have found this. My husband has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. It is a cancer of unknown primary or possibly lung. The doctors don't have any treatment options for us. We are going for a second opinion this week, just in case a different set of doctors may see other possibilities. My husband wants to enjoy the time he has without more tests and treatments that will make him feel worse initially anyway. I'm no stranger to cancer having had breast cancer twice myself, nursed my sister through Stage 4 Lung and my father through Stage 4 esophagus cancer. However, losing my husband of 35 years is so totally devastating to me. I'm afraid that as the caretaker I will have to manage all of the medical issues, the financial and the day to day and although I don't mind any of that...........I will be so overwhelmed with all of it that I'm afraid I'll lose any real time quality time with my husband. We've lost so many family members and friends in the last 10 years I'm kind of on my own with this one. I also find, as some of you have stated, that some people simply disappear on you when this happens and others will be there. I'm trying to find a balance of getting it all done and also having time with my husband and that, I'm afraid, will be tricky. I don't want any regrets on how I handle this.
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3 ReactionsGood morning @margaretrivers
By now, you have probably had your PET scan. I hope that all went well.
I would love to hear from you when you have a moment to post.
Teresa
@allisonsnow @colleenyoung and @windwalker
I like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzZXhVzpaxg. This deals with Resilience, one of my favorite topics. Anything by Dr. Sood is great, you just can't go wrong with his talks.
Teresa
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2 ReactionsThanks going out to @windwalker and @ colleenyoung
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3 ReactionsThanks @windwalker. To send a link, simply copy the link and pasted it into your message. When you copy YouTube links into a separate line in your message, the video will appear right in the message.
@allisonsnow, here is the link to Dr. Sood's Stress Free website http://stressfree.org/
There are so many videos to choose from. Teresa @hopeful33250 which Dr. Sood video might you recommend to start with?
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2 Reactions