Struggling with decision to move forward with Allogeneic Transplant

Hi,
I've been reading so many stories and feel humbled and encouraged by everyone. Right now I'm really struggling with committing to moving forward with my allo stem cell transplant. I am 60 and was diagnosed (Dec 2023) with a very rare leukemia (chronic eosinophilic leukemia), so there are no good statistics about outcomes. I am told there is no long term treatment and the only possible cure is an allo stem cell transplant. I have already gotten opinions from heme/onc and stem cell teams at two very good hospitals who recommended moving forward sooner than later due to possible complications of waiting. We were thinking of moving forward with it this Fall, but then the 3rd opinion doctor who is a world expert recommended delaying and monitoring monthly until something changes. After much thought, we still felt it was best to proceed this Fall while I am “healthy” rather than wait and possibly have additional problems (I also have lupus and had HLH), plus concern for it turning into AML. But I find my previous positive attitude is gone and I am now feeling very scared and unable to commit to proceeding, even though I logically know it’s the correct thing to do. I feel blessed to even be given the opportunity to even have the transplant since many CEL patients don’t find it early enough to have the chance, but at the same time I suddenly feel terrified of moving forward. Has anyone else struggled with losing your positive attitude about transplant or struggled with making the decision to move forward with transplant. Thanks for any thoughts you have.