Caregiving taking its toll: Stage 4 Glioblastoma & Lymphoma

Well here I am once again for the ‘final time’……this road started on 11/19/1919…….my Joseph passed away 8/30/2025…he is now FREE ♥️

Death doulas are very special angels on earth! They will help.

Hospice is free. It is paid for by Medicare. It is available to everyone in the country, regardless of income or location. ,please ask your hospital, for a referral TODAY.
Yes, the pacemaker will restart or jumpstart his heart ANY time it falters, over and over indefinitely. If you do not want this, please speak with an end-of-life attorney.
I am NOT a nurse, or, doctor, or any kind of medical provider, but I know my father-in-law was kept alive far longer that he should have been by medical devices beyond a peaceful, natural passing. Please get help from a counselor or pastor if you have one. Maybe help is closer in Arkansas than OK. ?

An up date…..here I am once again….moved to NH & to this date 5/23/25 moved 3 times!! Downloaded each time…the latest I have him in Memory Care while I am in Assisted Living although I am yet Independent sharing an apartment together….this NOT CHEAP he/we qualify for nothing….not poor & far from being wealthily….i am gambling he’ll pass before our savings do. I was just not able to endure the ‘Caregiving Avenue’ anymore; I want to be his wife instead.

It’s unbelievable he’s turned over 5 years going on 6 with these Cancers….been on Hospice for 3 years now….gradually going downhill ….sleeps now probably 20 hours per 24. It’s still very difficult to watch this happening….he’s 85 that has become a 3 year old!

I WANT this to go away; he ‘wants’ to die; this suffering is unbearable……I desire only Peace & Comfort for him please…..

@gilster12 Are you maybe looking for the Pamela Wilson website? Will this help?
https://pameladwilson.com/
Thank you for your helpful advice to @saintdijo . There was a short bit on death doulas on the news last night. Very interesting!

I don’t know how to find the person @freebird36 is talking about, but my suggestion would be to reach out to any and all churches in your area, people like to help and that way, you get a break and he gets to stay home. You can also look to see if there is a death doula in your area. I know that doesn’t sound good but that’s what they do, is help the caregiver with answers and resources. Try and reach out to your community or anyone you can. I’m heartbroken for you both, and I’m so sorry you’re having to do this alone! If you end up getting ill because you’re not getting the help you need sweetie, there will be no one to help either one of you. Please google Death Doula in my area, even if there from far away. They could help you over the phone or a zoom call if needed. I will do what I can to help you from Minnesota over the phone or the web, if you’d like me to? I’d be more than happy to help! Praying for some peace and comfort for both of you! You let me know what you think and I will do everything I can to help you find some help, I promise!

Courageous not really…biting the bullet better term…I decided a month or so ago these choices were no longer ‘his choices’ to make…wasn’t able to. At the same time ‘taking care of myself’ was a need - not just for him.

The hardest part of this move is probably selling off all 19 years of ‘stuff’! Also preparing hubby mentally/physically for across the country trip….I can only DO IT - am unable to prepare for the WHAT IF’S until it occurs (too mind boggling of what could or could not happen). The ‘what if’s can tear your mind & life to shreds - don’t bother - give it to the Lord instead.

I am listing the house as furnished so as I don’t need to move any of it….sellers could have a huge ‘garage sale’ if don’t want - might say they could recover some of ‘their $$$’s on the purchase’….which I hope happens. Second option ‘estate sale’!

Is it scary? Sure! I am no longer that spry chicken any more but am still ready (and wiser now) to tackle the world…..

@saintdijo I think this could be a great idea. Will your daughter be able to help you with all the planning? Maybe you could go with him ahead of time, get him settled, and then return to sell the house. Just thinking about all the chaos that goes with selling and moving. (I’ve probably moved 30+ times in my life!). And you’re smart to decide to make a move while you can! Good advice for all of us. You’re a very strong and courageous woman!
What do you think will be the hardest part of this move for you and your husband?

No better off, just check his vitals & off we go. BUT I decided to change our entire situation…we will be selling our home & moving to NH where our daughter & family are located.

She has been begging me for months; I decided because I am going to be 82 & I myself need a place - just can’t DO ALL THIS ALONE. Should have did this years ago.

I also think husbands care will be much better in a populated City in Manchester…so my advice to all - don’t wait until things get desperate to make decisions OR let emotional places or things freeze your thinking of what is best for all….

yes, ya spent a lifetime of deciding - now is the TIME to ‘let go’; but please, please don’t wait too long

@saintdijo How are you doing? I hope you have found some help.