Caring for grandson with cerebral palsy after loss of loved ones

Posted by lindagirl @lindagirl, Feb 20 1:12pm

I lost my sister in February and my husband in May. I cant shake such profound sadness and missing them. I also have a grandson with cerebrel palsy who is going to have a eeg.

In between your moments of profound sadness, take a moment to be glad they were part of your life. Can you do something to honor them? For example, you may volunteer in memory of your sister. I did this for a couple of years and it made me feel better.

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@lindagirl Welcome to Mayo Connect. I am glad you decided to post here. It is never easy when we lose a loved one. And now you are facing having a grandson with some heavy duty medical issues. Is there anything that you can do to help you remember the good times with your sister and husband? For sure, sadness will stick around for some time, and you know you will never forget them, but in time you may find your days getting brighter. Remember, most likely they would likely want you to be happier than how you feel right now.

When does your grandson have his eeg Will you be able to be there with him to lend support?
Ginger

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April 1. He is such a great young boy. I hope he does not have this to face too. My daughter and her husband are going. I am going to ask if I can go.

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@lindagirl I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. Maybe you could combine your thoughts of your sister with hope for your grandson. Another member told us of this website https://www.portraitpuzzles.com. You can find some photos of your sister with you and have a puzzle made. I did this for my grandchildren and they were wonderful! As for going to the eeg, why not take all of them for ice cream when the test is over? This gives your grandson something to look forward to, and you can all celebrate! Will you let me know how it all turns out?

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You have every right to grieve your losses. Take the time to do that. Later you will find a way to honor and memorialize your husband and sister.
I hope you have some one you can talk to during your time of grief. Praying for you and your grandson….

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In reply to @lindagirl "yes I will." + (show)
@lindagirl

yes I will.

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Linda,
Many churches, synagogues….and senior centers have grief groups.

When you feel up to it you might want to call them for information.

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@lindagirl

April 1. He is such a great young boy. I hope he does not have this to face too. My daughter and her husband are going. I am going to ask if I can go.

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@lindagirl I am so sorry for your losses. Your grandson looks like a beautiful child, I hope nothing negative comes out of the EEG, but perhaps something helpful for his future.
Finding a grief group may be very helpful, and if that is not available if you have a family member or friend who know the situation and is understanding that would be a good substitute. I know that sharing with a group of strangers can be difficult, it would be for me, but I have heard it is very helpful.
We all experience grief differently. As difficult as it may seem, I believe it is best to try to resume a reasonably normal life rather than letting grief consume you. I am at the age where I know many women who have lost their husbands and I see the huge difference that can make. I realize, initially that can be very difficult, but overall it will help and I am sure your husband would not want you to let his passing consume you.
Please let us know how your grandson makes out with his EEG. I know that cerebral palsy can take many different forms. Is his primarily physical?
JK

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Hi, @lindagirl Maybe you might want to check in on the Loss and Grief discussion group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief. It might give you a place to unburden yourself. Peace, Becky

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Thank you @lindagirl for sharing your feelings about your loss. For me, the loss of my son has forever changed me. I personally find that there is no "returning" to "normal ". And it's been 3 years. However there is a kind of moving forward, not moving ON, and then there's a kind of "new normal ". Every person's experience of grief is unique. I think we all agree on that. But in my own experience, I have had to allow myself to go through various and sometimes extreme stages of grief before even thinking about any semblance of normality…whatever that actually is.

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@lindagirl . The other very important thing that I had to learn, to this very day, is to honor my own feelings each minute of each long day. And not allow my dearest friends, family, and other well meaning people to tell me to move on.
The price I paid for not allowing my grief to surface, was having to voluntarily check into a psychiatric hospital. Blessings to you.

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In reply to @lindagirl "yes I will." + (show)
@lindagirl

yes I will.

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@lindagirl How have you been doing? I know it must be awful not seeing your grandson. Are you able to skype or FaceTime with him?

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