Single: how to cope with your condition

Hi,
I am single, no kids, work, two dogs, and take long walks often on conference calls and to listen o enjoyable podcasts. I really am alone alone. I have isolated a bit because of cancer and side effects. I'm intermittently incontinent which is humiliating. Still, I'm very friendly and often speak to people while on my walks, and laugh and truly enjoy nature. I haven't been in a relationship in 3 years or even tried. I have gotten used to being alone. At times it is rough, and other times nice. I do wish I had intimacy to share life with. But, I've learned to be grateful I'm alive and still can work and be athletic. My dogs mean the world to me.

Try putt putt first to see if chasing that little white ball around is fun. Putt Putt for me is more social and fun then getting on a big course. Good luck dave

Hit your shots with backspin and your putts with topspin. Take lessons to enjoy the game. You will really enjoy the people, golfers are good people. Don't take yourself too seriously and just enjoy each shot.

I'm in the same spot with family 1200 miles away and widowed last year. Fortunately I can drive, am a member of a local civic club, and have a couple of retired friends. I also have a few work friends that have offered to help, but I more hesitant to ask a coworker for help.

Bed & @ellamster - I understand reluctance to ask for help from coworkers, or even retired friends. Maybe you can offer something reciprocal for their assistance? I'm thinking an offer of lunch or supper in exchange for help with a chore, a coffee or gas gift card for rides, making them a favorite baked treat?
Sue

Hello All~
Well...it looks like we have enough 'alone souls' to start a 'team'! I'll be the first to join! No dues..just honest sharing of our lives and what needs we have that may just be out of our reach..or maybe not? This forum can be a healthy way to be in touch with others..that are living alone, either by life's circumstances or choice. Being alone..left alone...eating alone..sleeping alone...might be just the thing for some..but others would really do well to have a 'hug' now and then....
I find myself alone now...the love of my life passed away in 2021...we had 47 wonderful years together and I miss him everyday, in every way and will for the rest of my life. We lived our lives without the need of others..we raised three kids together...but sadly lost a son 5 years ago...and that's a pain I'll bear forever as well. All that said...finding a life worth living is now my main goal. I can't change my past, but I can do my best each day to be grateful for what I do have and try to give to others. At 78..with life's wear and tear...I'm beginning to see that this is now my time..to dedicate whatever life I have left to one as joyish as I can make it..without being a 'nut'. Getting used to eating alone...the quiet in the house...making decisions now that I always made with my partner..but are now on me. Quite a load!...but wait..there's more!
I'm finding Senior Services to be most helpful...I'm going to look into joining a gym as I have no self motivation, it seems to do shit on my own....also looking into the local Pickleball groups. Talking to strangers is always fun on my walks...trying to teach my kitty "Lilli-lou" to say "MOMMA"....AND..finding joy in my life..even if it's only a little thing. Yesterday, I was visited by 7 deer....one of them, a stag I've 'talked' to for many years and he now brings his friends and 'ladies' back each year. How can I explain to anyone what a thrill this is for me? I put water out for all the animals...since I live in a forest in Southern Oregon..there's a lot of wildlife around...I feed about 40 Stellar Jays and have for years..they come when I call them for breakfast! So..even in the darkest times I know that I also have a lot to be grateful for.
I met a sweet lady that has her own cab company..so she was my rock when I had cataract surgery. I still drive and was always independent..but 'alone' is different. The freedom is overwhelming...and that can also work for or against me. I'm doing my best to stay in the 'now'...and live my life with my head help hi..so I don't miss a rainbow! I wish the very best to you all...make it a great day! Do what brings you joy!

When feeling overwhelmed I try and think how fortunate I am to have my spouse still here with me. Although after40 yrs of marriage and both of us having illness the last few years are not the same at all. Second marriage for me first for him, and I had two children, now adults. When he was away NOV. 2021 out of town hospital triple bypass I was alone and not well and have no idea how I found the guts to get through it; no longer driving, during covid, not well, even dog was with a collar on as surgery and it was winter and I had to arrange snow removal etc., and luckily could order groceries and pay someone I know to pick them up. I think of my sister in law in UK... at one time she had her husband my brother; her 'handicapped' son, babysitting her grand daughter and then my Mum went to live with them all in a very small house; My nephew died at 45, my Mum then in nursing home at 97, and my brother at 77...child grew up.... and now she has been alone for five years doesnt drive has lung disease and other issues; Covid, ageing etc.,and other son works....I think of her every day. And I often think of those singles who do not have a support system, many friends or relatives...and we are not all outgoing personalities or like to go to groups meetings etc., and it's hard when not used to socializing. We don't change our habits, lifestyles and personalities because we have aged or become sick - even with husband I feel isolated but I cant bring myself to have a neighbour over as not the strength to even make them a cup of tea. Also since he had surgery my husband's personality has changed and with illness, covid, etc., things are not the same but we are not 'alone' ... maybe we should dig out our old address books and give at least a phone call to people we haven't seen for a while or spoken to, who may now in later life or ? living alone.... I wish you well and @ellamster if you like chatting over emails, I would be happy to do so from Canada....🌷

Hello All~
Well...it looks like we have enough 'alone souls' to start a 'team'! I'll be the first to join! No dues..just honest sharing of our lives and what needs we have that may just be out of our reach..or maybe not? This forum can be a healthy way to be in touch with others..that are living alone, either by life's circumstances or choice. Being alone..left alone...eating alone..sleeping alone...might be just the thing for some..but others would really do well to have a 'hug' now and then....
I find myself alone now...the love of my life passed away in 2021...we had 47 wonderful years together and I miss him everyday, in every way and will for the rest of my life. We lived our lives without the need of others..we raised three kids together...but sadly lost a son 5 years ago...and that's a pain I'll bear forever as well. All that said...finding a life worth living is now my main goal. I can't change my past, but I can do my best each day to be grateful for what I do have and try to give to others. At 78..with life's wear and tear...I'm beginning to see that this is now my time..to dedicate whatever life I have left to one as joyish as I can make it..without being a 'nut'. Getting used to eating alone...the quiet in the house...making decisions now that I always made with my partner..but are now on me. Quite a load!...but wait..there's more!
I'm finding Senior Services to be most helpful...I'm going to look into joining a gym as I have no self motivation, it seems to do shit on my own....also looking into the local Pickleball groups. Talking to strangers is always fun on my walks...trying to teach my kitty "Lilli-lou" to say "MOMMA"....AND..finding joy in my life..even if it's only a little thing. Yesterday, I was visited by 7 deer....one of them, a stag I've 'talked' to for many years and he now brings his friends and 'ladies' back each year. How can I explain to anyone what a thrill this is for me? I put water out for all the animals...since I live in a forest in Southern Oregon..there's a lot of wildlife around...I feed about 40 Stellar Jays and have for years..they come when I call them for breakfast! So..even in the darkest times I know that I also have a lot to be grateful for.
I met a sweet lady that has her own cab company..so she was my rock when I had cataract surgery. I still drive and was/is always independent..but 'alone' is different. The freedom is overwhelming...and that can also work for or against me. I'm doing my best to stay in the 'now'...and live my life with my head held high..so I don't miss a rainbow! I wish the very best to you all...make it a great day! Do what brings you joy!

It would indeed be great to set up a group for people who really are alone. It sometimes breaks my heart to read how people are so happy with their spouses, that they have children, and I have none.

I will share some too.
I was in a relationship with someone who was aggressive for 10 years. After he was gone I was very reluctant to start again with someone else. It took a while to feel life flowing inside me.

So now I am still single and alone. I didn't have children with him (I always wanted children but am very happy I never had a child with him and am really rid of him) so I really am alone. I can't even explain how this feels since most seem to think this is not possible. But the only phone calls come from my mother and suppliers, because I am still busy working. As a teacher I know I am fun because I have been told, and a trickster; it's fun to try to make them do something impossible. The goal of course is understanding why it's impossible and then explaining how it can be done for realsies.

I understand your thrill about the deer! It's such a strong and moving feeling to be in contact with a creature from almost another dimension. A different realm, it's magic.
A wild pigeon landed here years ago and after about two days he would come to me and land on my hand when I called him. I felt so wonderful about that. He would just sit on my hand and coo, so sweet.

The freedom is overwhelming, yes. I suppose for you it's different coming out of a longer relationship, having lived in accordance with someone else. Freedom... It's wonderful and strangely restrictive, I find; if there is no urge I do nothing. I don't HAVE to do anything. And so, freedom in a sense made my world smaller because I simply lost the will to really live. It's difficult to get started, to actually walk to the letterbox for instance. I see people opening their doors and stepping out to simply take the trash out and for me that's a Real Step. I have to tell myself to do it, to muster up the courage, the will. It's crazy because I can work so very hard, for such long hours.

Bunky44,
I appreciate your way with words and honesty of how difficult it is to be alone, but with gratitude and choices - that there are ways to make positive changes. My spouse died after 32 years of marriage and it has been all the ups and downs that you mentioned. A hard one for me is decision fatigue - no one to help with that. It’s been six years now and I’m still floating a bit. Going to the gym, watching the deer in my yard ( a mama and three fawns for me here in southern MN) and attempting to teach my dog ( a tiny Chiweenie) potty training skills ( he has being adorable mastered ). I do have a question - now that I am on my own and trying to move forwards ( after six years of regrouping) - just how do I know where to go? Tried moving to Florida to be near a sister. That didn’t feel right. Tried moving back to Arizona where I lived with my spouse. That felt off. Currently in my hometown ( financially strategic decision to move into childhood home while I ride out the stock market craziness) and it too just doesn’t feel right. ( like I’m not honoring life - although I realize that sounds a wee bit crazy- it does encapsulate it well) Perhaps it’s all traveling backwards ( to siblings and past lives in places I’ve already lived before ) instead of forwards to new dreams. But, I haven’t a dream in mind - well, perhaps to get married again ( I’m 59) …. Though I can’t imagine meeting anyone ( as in, I’d like a life partner without the terror of dating ). Anyway … any ideas as to how to choose a direction ? I’m getting pretty good at choosing gratitude ( at last) and am now ready for the next step forwards ….. ?!?!?!
Have a blessed day.