It would indeed be great to set up a group for people who really are alone. It sometimes breaks my heart to read how people are so happy with their spouses, that they have children, and I have none.

I will share some too.
I was in a relationship with someone who was aggressive for 10 years. After he was gone I was very reluctant to start again with someone else. It took a while to feel life flowing inside me.

So now I am still single and alone. I didn't have children with him (I always wanted children but am very happy I never had a child with him and am really rid of him) so I really am alone. I can't even explain how this feels since most seem to think this is not possible. But the only phone calls come from my mother and suppliers, because I am still busy working. As a teacher I know I am fun because I have been told, and a trickster; it's fun to try to make them do something impossible. The goal of course is understanding why it's impossible and then explaining how it can be done for realsies.

I understand your thrill about the deer! It's such a strong and moving feeling to be in contact with a creature from almost another dimension. A different realm, it's magic.
A wild pigeon landed here years ago and after about two days he would come to me and land on my hand when I called him. I felt so wonderful about that. He would just sit on my hand and coo, so sweet.

The freedom is overwhelming, yes. I suppose for you it's different coming out of a longer relationship, having lived in accordance with someone else. Freedom... It's wonderful and strangely restrictive, I find; if there is no urge I do nothing. I don't HAVE to do anything. And so, freedom in a sense made my world smaller because I simply lost the will to really live. It's difficult to get started, to actually walk to the letterbox for instance. I see people opening their doors and stepping out to simply take the trash out and for me that's a Real Step. I have to tell myself to do it, to muster up the courage, the will. It's crazy because I can work so very hard, for such long hours.

Bunky44,
I appreciate your way with words and honesty of how difficult it is to be alone, but with gratitude and choices - that there are ways to make positive changes. My spouse died after 32 years of marriage and it has been all the ups and downs that you mentioned. A hard one for me is decision fatigue - no one to help with that. It’s been six years now and I’m still floating a bit. Going to the gym, watching the deer in my yard ( a mama and three fawns for me here in southern MN) and attempting to teach my dog ( a tiny Chiweenie) potty training skills ( he has being adorable mastered ). I do have a question - now that I am on my own and trying to move forwards ( after six years of regrouping) - just how do I know where to go? Tried moving to Florida to be near a sister. That didn’t feel right. Tried moving back to Arizona where I lived with my spouse. That felt off. Currently in my hometown ( financially strategic decision to move into childhood home while I ride out the stock market craziness) and it too just doesn’t feel right. ( like I’m not honoring life - although I realize that sounds a wee bit crazy- it does encapsulate it well) Perhaps it’s all traveling backwards ( to siblings and past lives in places I’ve already lived before ) instead of forwards to new dreams. But, I haven’t a dream in mind - well, perhaps to get married again ( I’m 59) …. Though I can’t imagine meeting anyone ( as in, I’d like a life partner without the terror of dating ). Anyway … any ideas as to how to choose a direction ? I’m getting pretty good at choosing gratitude ( at last) and am now ready for the next step forwards ….. ?!?!?!
Have a blessed day.