Rapidly upping and then lowering mirtazapine causing symptoms?

I started on 15 mg of mirtazapine for two weeks in the beginning of May exactly one month ago. It was wonderful. I had some insomnia so we upped it to 30 for only 1 week. Slowly started getting more apathetic. Lowered it back down to 15 mg after 1 week. It's been 19 days. It's continually gotten worse. Google says because of the different nature of each dose and how rapid the change happened my brain is having a hard time adjusting, and I'm experiencing severe and disruptive anhedonia and suicidal thoughts because of it. I've been told (and Google says) towards the end of June things should start going back to how the initial dose was. That's true right? They said as long as I stay on 15. I was doing really well on it before the dose increase. It's the third week they said it will take 4 to 6 weeks for the brain to start feeling better. Is that true? Nobody wants me to stop taking it