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Do You Need All Those Pills? Depression & lessons I learned
Ever since I stumbled across this message board I have tried to make it point to check it everyday, it has been that helpful! I've posted a few replies and have mention much of what I am about to post in pieces. I want to pull those pieces together in the hope that they might help some one as they helped me. First a not so brief history;
At 11, I started drink and taking drugs. I 17, I went into treatment for 8 months. Staying sober brought up a lot of repressed issues. At 24 I began psychotherapy for what would be 9 years, the important part is NO medication. My life flourished. I had my own business, married the love of my life, had four children and became quite well off. At 35 I quite smoking. My friend and PCP gave me 20 mg of Zoloft to deal with the anxiety and referred me to a psychiatrist who kept me on a low level of Zoloft.
At age 40 I saw a different psychiatrist at a hospital, the previous one retired. He did not believe I had anxiety but Major Depressive Disorder. This doctor prescribed 900mg of Lithium, 450mg of Wellbutrin (and my personal favorite), 450 of Venlafaxine (Effexor). One would think he was on the pharmaceutical companies payroll. For the next 10 years every doctor and hospital I saw kept me on the same meds or actually added some. When that didn't work I had ECT, TMS, Ketamine any anything else we could come up with including massive amounts of vitamins and herbal remedies. Next up mushrooms?
Ten years latter, after having been suicidal shortly after I was put on meds, I had what they called a psychotic break. The result being my wife left me (she was right to do so), my children still don't talk to me (ten years later) and I went to prison for 3 years.
The prison and everyone since has continued the same protocol and more meds, taking those away to try something else but always keeping me on the same triad + Lorazepam until just before my 60th birthday this past June.
I couldn't take anymore and I decided it was time. As I was executing my plan when something told me to try one more time. I started asking questions of my doctors and of Google. I found a book, "Brain Energy" by a psychiatrist a Dr.Palmer. Things started to make sense.
The side effects I had been dealing with for years (5 meds just for side effects) where the same as those for low testosterone. A little more research and low and behold all of my psych meds except one, has as a side effect suppressing testosterone. Is it possible that since age 40 my problems with my mental health was in fact the medication prescribed to alleviate my suffering?
I started making changes reducing and eliminating some drugs. Increasing my exercise and changing my diet. The result: I feel the best I ever have. I still have a long way to go but I am supported by my doctors who encouraged or at least tolerate my questions and provide valuable checks and balance.
None of the healthcare professionals that helped me throughout the years was ill intentioned. They are good people who want to help people and they fervently wanted to help me. But, we can only see what we are trained to see. If someone is suffering the human instinct is to try to help. It is even stronger in those whose lives are dedicated to healing. The idea of doing nothing is an anathema to them.
Sometimes doing nothing is what is needed. My first psychiatrist pronounced me ready to live my life without him and he was right. He gave me no meds, he did have me test Prozac for him when it first came out, I became suicidal within 30 days we never tried anything else.
Ultimately this is all my fault. I never questioned anyone I simply took whatever pill they told me to take. I wanted a quick fix to whatever I was dealing with. As more and more people got sick the mental health industry separated prescribing drugs from psychotherapy, this has been a disaster.
It is up to me to be link between the two groups. It is up to me to educate myself about my illness. It is up to me to check on the side effects and interactions between the drugs I take and it is up to me to do the work I need to do to be well. Medical professionals simple do not have the time anymore.
Mental Illness is simply illness. Mental Health Care is Health Care period the body and mind are inexorably linked. How I ever thought other wise seems impossible to me now.
May your journey be filled with joy. Never forget you are loved. And never give up!
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Is it possible to take care of one's mental health naturally, like with things such as lithium orotate, ashegwandha, Ltheanine, GABA, passionflower, etc.?
For the record I take Celexa, Buspar, Propranolol "as needed, and Ativan "as needed"
Where might I find a psychiatrist that could monitor the more natural mental aids?
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1 ReactionI am still on a lot of medication, I expect to be for sometime. I have found that each big change in my diet and exercise allows for small and on going changes in my medication.
I just decided with my provider to decrease the Venlafaxine (Effexor) by 37.5mg, leaving me on 437.5mg for at least the next month. I have a love/hate relationship with this drug and would like to reduce it faster. However, the discontinuation effects are horrible. I have a similar hard time stopping Lithium.
Fortunately I have a provider who supports me decreasing to zero (probably a pipe dream) all my meds if possible and a PCP that is helpful with dietary changes. I want to stress that for me this is a very slow process that I expect to take a lot of hard work and years to complete and might not be possible.
Finding the right providers was part luck and part education. They changed my mental health clinician at my clinic, from one who would do as I asked to a woman that had her own ideas about healthcare. We did not agree on everything, forcing me to educate myself to prove my point. In so doing I found that we were both right and that she could be that critical check on my charge ahead instincts. If I had a recommendation it would be to educate yourself on your diagnosis and whatever you put in your body. I’ve recommended a book “Brain Energy” by a Dr/Professor Palmer at Harvard and McLain. I do not have a financial interest in the book I promise, just a debt of gratitude.
I also had to change PCP’s because my last one left his practice. I was assigned one by my insurance company who was to far away, so I found one closer. It’s been about a year and so far I like her contributions. I don’t care for her Practice Manager, but I’ll wait her out.
I have found that putting my mental health above everything and I mean everything is absolutely necessary. I learned from Alcholics Anonomous forty years ago to put my sobriety first. If I wasn’t sober and clean I couldn't be anything to anyone else. I've come to believe that statement is true for life in general.
Changing my life has been simple but not easy! I had to stop eating many foods I like and starting eating some I don't like. I like to exercise so that was easy. I'm not sleep well, that kind of sucks, but it's getting better. What helps is the question I ask myself all the time, “ is this going to make me feel better”?
What also helps is I believe this is my last chance, so I cling to the rope like a man who will drown if he lets go. I no longer have the luxury of kicking the can done the road.
I wish you well on your journey. Remember you are loved!
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18 ReactionsReading about your journey is encouraging. Thank you for sharing.
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3 ReactionsThis is so amazing.
Not a pipe dream, you're headed the right way!!!!!
Thank You!
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1 ReactionIndeed, you're headed the right way - natural plant-based remedies, dietary changes and exercise, both physical and mental, will give you a far better remedy than big pharma. Good luck to you!
I have been in alprazolam (generic Xanax) and oxycodone for almost 11 years since botched thyroid surgery. The oxy actually unparalyzed my vocal chord nerves and gave me my voice back and helps me swallow. Not for pain. After a major tick bite issue two weeks ago where I had been going crazy and didn't know it, I finally decided it's time to get off, right now at least, the alprazolam. Doc wanted me on Cymbalta but why switch from one to the other when they are not necessary ? So I am cutting back the alprazolam first and it's working well! I usually take 2 mg 3x/day. In one day I was able to cut back, taking morning 2 mg (I wake with shakes) and then 1.75 mg twice a day. I've cut back 1/2 pill a day and seem to be tolerating it very well. When I took the Cymbalta my BP would spike terribly forcing me to take an Amlodipine and causing more issues so I cut that out completely. I feel so much better. Today is last day of doxycycline for tick bites. Then I have tons of labs to take from lupus, primary, oncology docs. I'm trying to give my veins a break as I am bruised and swollen all over. I will prob have to start CLL meds again soon but fear that as well since Covid is taking back my town !!
You have been and still are on quite the journey. I applaud you courage.
I know from numerous injuries, the most recent a hospital stay for covid, that each one sets me back months if not years on the journey toward mental wellness.
New and additional meds, docs who mistake side effects for symptoms not to mention new dependencies.
I’ve started keeping a very detailed journal of all my meds and the various interactions between them. I now educate my doctors about my conditions, their origins and interactions. I take nothing until I’ve read all current literature on a particular drug and the side effects and interactions.
There is simply too much information for any one person to deal with.
As an aside; during my career I had six full time researchers and countless vendors, and that was for managing investments?
How many doctors have even one? Money or Health what is more important?
I believe that my 25 years of hell began with the change of doctors and the new one making just such a mistake!
We have to be are own healthcare coordinators.
I wish you joy on your journey.
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5 ReactionsIn 2012 when I had my thyroid surgery I knew I would never be the same and voiced it before I even had the surgery. I am so not well now. Had migraine attack today while food shopping with my husband this morning and it's been downhill ever since. I hate my leukemia doctor and don't know what to do. Seeing oncologist tomorrow. Had to scramble because town transportation told me I was good to go for 10 am appt Monday then I get a call after all doc offices closed Friday that the appt is too early and they can't take me!!!! 😳😳 had to scramble to find another ride. Not easy when all you have is your husband and one friend. My friend came through ❤️🥺. I feel like I'm dying and no one can figure out what it is......God help me.....
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1 ReactionUsually I know instantly how to respond. Yet as I read your last posting it seemed to require a little more reflection. My normal course of action is to share my experience in the hope that it might offer something that can be of help. I was worried, however it that might be harmful. Ultimately my experience is all I have to offer. So please take anything that can be help and disregard the rest.
I first felt like I could not go on one more step as a little six year old boy. I was so young that I didn’t even know what I was feeling. So, I disappeared into the woods around my house often for the whole day, sometimes overnight. My parents were more than happy to have me out of the house. And let me be alone. School was easier as there were lots of distractions.
After eights months of treatment for drugs and alcohol my feelings overwhelmed me and once again I very much wanted to end my life. Then I found something to obsesses over, getting and staying sober. For the next five years A.A. kept me alive. A.A. Would continue to be part of my life on one level or another to this day, call it my world view.
Then my mental health journey began. For years my life flourished. Until shortly after being prescribed a cocktail of medication, things started going badly again. Within five years, I had been arrested, my wife had divorced me, my children would not and still don’t speak to me. I persevered through everything until I arrived at prison. I would have killed myself on the spot except they won’t let you.
Two and a half years later it all came back, I wanted to leave my life to the darkness. Then Covid; I spent eight days in the hospital and lost a third of my lung capacity, I lost my job. The meds triggered delusions and I would go onto gain fifty pounds in 18 months. I was declared disabled and was stuck at my mothers house, were I am to this day. I wanted to give up so badly, even the love for my children could not take it away.
What worked is I was on parole and they owned me. Try to die and fail and everything would get even worse (that’s my one rule ‘don’t do anything to make things worse”). That worked for awhile until I figured how not to fail! I came closer to dying than I will ever put in writing.
For me I realized that my life would continue to be a living hell or I really would kill myself if I didn’t do something. I was alone! So I began to think about what worked, here is what I found:
Walking in the woods gave me time to be alone without pressure to feel or be what other people wanted me to be.
A.A. gave me a path to walk with others who suffer (it doesn’t have to be A.A.)
My wife and children gave me people to care about that transcended me. My family relived me of the burden of self.
And as last resort, hospitals and yes prison and parole stopped me when maybe I could not have stopped myself.
It’s ironic that I went to prison to save my family from the ugliness of a trial and prison ended up saving me.
In short I hung on by any means necessary. My life is improving as I am improving and I am glad I am still here. I will never tell anyone they have to hang on. I believe we all have the right to choose when we simply can not take it anymore.
I hope there is something in my post that can give you just a little hope.
My your journey ease and remember you are loved.
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