Post sepsis syndrome, can someone help me start over?

Welcome @erikwebb, I know you are struggling right now and it is extremely difficult for you. There are a few other discussions where you can meet other members who may be able to offer some suggestions to help.

-- Post Sepsis and ICU Syndrome: There are days I feel so down:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/post-sepsis-and-icu-syndrome/
-- ARDS Support: my story and looking to help other survivors:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/ards-support-my-story-and-looking-to-help-other-survivors/
Do you have a friend or family member that you can go with you to see a doctor?

No friend or family, all alone on this. I know I don't have to be , there are support groups. But sometimes in person is better, for me anyway, it seems

No I don't

Hi @erikwebb, I'm just catching up with your discussion now. I moved your discussion to the ICU support group here to help connect you with others who understand: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/intensive-care-icu/

Post sepsis and post ICU syndromes are real. Having panic attacks and being afraid to see the doctor or to return to the hospital are symptoms that others have shared too.

When you feel panic starting what helps you?

I only wish others understood. Yes, I discovered on my own about Post ICU and Post Sepsis syndromes. No one told me what to expect. It has been a year since my experience with critical illness. I know I will never be the same. People seem to think, you survived! Isn’t that great? If only they knew what damage my entire body has experienced and continues to experience both physically and emotionally.
My proximity to death now crosses my mind daily.

@lmoross, I love your profile photo. I wonder if you've seen these animal and health related discussions to meet like-minded members:

- Equine Therapy is Horses Helping People: How do horses help?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/equine-therapy-is-horses-helping-people-how-do-horses-help/
- What Pets Can Do: Health and Healing
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/what-pets-can-do-health-and-healing/
Does the proximity to death crossing your mind daily upset you? Or is it a health reminder to live every moment?

Thank you Colleen. I will check out these sites. Due to broken bones from osteoporosis compression fractures I can no longer ride. I miss it very much. I refined my horse to a new family where she is ridden and loved.
After sepsis the emotional PTSD is something no one tells you about. My daily thoughts of mortality are not pleasant. Nor do they encourage me to participate more in life, as my physical limitations from the damage to my body from the illness have limited my abilities to be active. I continue to experience illness related to that damage. How I wish I could explain and have others understand. I believe understanding only seems to come from first hand experience unfortunately.

Rehomed my horse, not refined. Damn autocorrect.

Well, I have had sepsis three times and ended up in icu. Every time I had a kidney stone procedure I would get in. Last time I was in was in May for two weeks. I can totally relate to what you are saying. It takes time but it will get better. Up to six months. I was very tired for a long time.
Hang in there!
Sue

@erikwebb
In addition to my response, my husband was always just a social drinker, or a few on the weekends. Alcohol never affected him much. He was always in control. But he developed a sensitivity to alcohol. It was like 1 drink affected him like 2-3. The way he behaved, his memory. My son, who was a heavy drinker at that time, would comment, that he, my son, could drink a lot, and not forget the movie he’d just watched, or any of his activities that night, by the next day. My husband didn’t realize it, in himself. But we started to wonder why he started forgetting so much. I started wondering if he was drinking more than he was saying. I contributed the lost memories to the drinking. He had a thyroid issue, and I read that people that have thyroid issues, were saying that only 1 drink, would seem like, 2 or 3. Since Jeff started drinking every night, since his ICU experience, I put the memory issues , to the drinking. But as I said, alcohol was never a problem for him. He handled his alcohol, well. I would not call him an alcoholic. It was only after he finally decided to stop completely, because, in his words, he never used to drink nightly, that we found out, he still had the memory issues. Following the botched surgery , he went on to get sepsis, 3 times. And we couldn’t figure out why, he gets a cut, and it turns into a blood infection, Staff or MRSA.
So for years I just contributed his memory issues, to drinking. But it wasn’t that now, I’m sure. It was this PICS. Syndrome.
He’s really been through hell, with this whole thing.