Newly Diagnosed Lumpectomy or Mastectomy? Mom had Triple Negative

Hi! @srobinet:

I am so sorry for what you've been through! My heart simply aches and my prayers go out for you and your beloved son upon reading your post...

Your courage and perseverance truly inspires me, @srobinet! I am not an expert in the medical world, so I can't offer any advice in terms of the medical decision that you face right now. However, if it were my own case, I would seek out a 2nd opinion from a respected cancer center right away, because 4 weeks' waiting time to be seen by an oncologist seems to be too long with a grade 3 tumor. I am so sorry, my friend; my heart & my mind will continue to pray for you and your son for healing and fully recovery!

Wishing you all a better journey ahead with hope, love, peace, and wisdom granted from above!

I would recommend getting this book from Amazon.

Judy C. Kneece
Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook, 10th Edition (2022): Understanding the Disease, Treatments, Emotions and Recovery from Breast Cancer

It has amazing resources in it including a page helping g you make your decision.

I personally opted for bilateral mastectomy because I read that invasive lobular cancer likes to come back and I didn’t want to think about that. I also wanted reconstruction. And didn’t want two different breasts. Each person has to make their own decision based on their needs and type of cancer. I think this book will really help you. Best wishes for you. 🙏

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and prayers.

I know how you feel about your son. When I was first diagnosed, my biggest fear was not being there for my daughter—she was 8 years old at the time and is now 10.
I wrote that fear in my journal and asked myself: What information do I actually have right now that makes me think this will be the outcome? The statistics are encouraging, and they keep improving—better treatments, better medications, and better ways to manage the side effects of chemotherapy.
Try not to let your mind go to the worst-case scenario. Stay grounded in the facts you have and take things one step at a time. A good therapist who can help you put things into perspective might also be very helpful.
I wish you all the best. While you’re waiting for your appointment with the oncologist, focus on strengthening your body: good nutrition, any kind of exercise you’re able to do, and good sleep.

I agree that you should seek a second opinion & not wait 4 weeks. The same thing happened to me & I ended up with a much more qualified surgeon & my surgery was a month sooner! Plus, talking to a new oncologist will keep your mind busy & give you a better sense of control. (Even if you don't switch.) Your tumor is small (7mm, right?) & there's every reason to believe that you'll have a great outcome! Sending you best wishes!

@angiemal Thank you for the encouragement. I am fluffy size and had just 2 weeks ago started to focus on my health and get in better shape. I of course was not expecting this new problem. I am walking at least 4 days a week and have started using My Fitness Pal. I am losing but it is a slow process.

@jmab Yes my tumor is small. My soon to be Oncologist (hopefully sooner than the 4 weeks) I believe they look at Pathology and may get be in sooner. The Oncologist took care of both my mom and dad and has a very good reputation and cares about his patients. I have the VA for my primary health insurance and I have to get a referral approved to have care outside of the VA system. Even if I don't use the VA the Oncology practice requires a referral. I plan on bugging them all day tomorrow until it is done. The VA office has the referral but it is not complete they were supposed to be checking with my VA physician this past Friday to see what the problem is.

@srobinet yes, that makes sense. I wasn't particularly comfortable with my 1st oncologist, which made the switch even better! But it sounds like you're in good hands. Don't let up the pressure. As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease! Good luck!

@srobinet - your situation is certainly very difficult. Especially with a 40 year old special needs son. I more than feel for you. Everyone diagnosed with breast cancer ultimately does what they feel is best for them - to have the best possible outcome in dealing with their particular medical situation. No one can tell you what to do - hopefully one gets the best oncology team possible to explore all options. You have the final say...however, you did ask for opinions. If in your shoes, I would definitely have the bilateral mastectomy. A lumpectomy can and does come with its own set of possible complications. I won't list them here. You must know them...I wouldn't take any extra "possible" chances of a lumpectomy not doing the complete job of removing the poison in your body. And I would not even chance reconstructive surgery. Again, full of more "possible" complications you don't want or need. Hopefully you will get your VA referral to go outside their system for another opinion. Do your research to try to establish care with a top cancer facility. Hopefully all will work out well - and such a facility will not make you "wait" & get your medical ball rolling ASAP. And I am "assuming" you are getting all your ducks in a row re: the care of your special needs son now...which will give you peace of mind he will immediately be taken well care. I know, extremely difficult to even think about this, but it's reality and, again, you know this already. I am wishing you and your son only the very best in life. Stay strong and get lots of emotional support! And don't lose hope or faith.

@briarrose I am definitely leaning toward the bilateral mastectomy. If my mom had chosen to do that I think she would still be with us. We wanted her to do what she thought was best and what she was comfortable with and we all supported her decision. I miss her every day and sure wish she was here to talk to about all of this. I have not decided on reconstruction but am wondering about tops fitting if I choose not to do that.