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Need help! Depression and anxiety

Posted by pirateking @pirateking, Jul 22, 2016

I don’t know where else to go without going to a hospital. I’ve always had issues with depression and anxiety. It is tough to deal with, but I have a grasp of what it is at least. I’ve been taking 10MG of Lexapro and 1-1.5 MG of Klonopin to treat it. My psych doctor died in January and I started with a new doctor that upped my Lexapro to 20MG and put me on Buspar for anxiety.

She then decided to take me off the Klonpin. She had me go from 1-1.5 to only .5 a day a month ago and then cut me off. My anxity was already starting to increase that month, and a few days after I stopped the klonopin I faced massive panic attacks among a ton of other issues. It took some begging for help until she eventually put me on .5MG of Atavan but I don’t think it is working.

My current symptoms are this horrible brain fog that is impairing my basic functions. I forget things easily, I can’t concentrate. It feels like I’ve literally got dumber. I am clumsier. I keep almost walking into poles and today I almost got run over by a bus. I’m beyond irritable. I almost attacked a man on an elevator because of his breathing, and I’ve never had such violent thoughts before. I’ve had brief sucidical thoughts that I had to talk myself out of because I rationally know I don’t want to do that.

When I stretch my neck it hurts. It feels like my neck or back is violently ripping in two. I’m having out of body experinces. I am sitting at work and suddenly I am not sure if I am dreaming or not

I also have headaches, I’m pacing constantly. I am having muscle spasims, twitching, my hands tremble.

This is terrifying. I’ve never felt like this in my entire life and I don’t know what is going on. Is it the Buspar? The Atavan? The lack of Klonopin and should I go to the hosptial? My doctor isn’t around on the weekends. Any help will be appericated.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

Lisa Lucier | @lisalucier | Feb 11, 2020
In reply to @healingone "Welcome to Mayo Connect. I have been in and out of counseling since the early 90s...." + (show)
@healingone

Welcome to Mayo Connect.

I have been in and out of counseling since the early 90s. I feel I have to see progress to sick with a counselor.

I discovered in the last couple of years that I need a trauma specialized counselor due to my life long challenges.

I encourage you to tenaciously self advocate until you find the care that you need.

Have a great day!

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Hi, @healingone – wondering from what you said about discovering you need a trauma-specialized counselor if you were diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

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1 reply
healingone | @healingone | Feb 11, 2020
In reply to @lisalucier "Hi, @healingone - wondering from what you said about discovering you need a trauma-specialized counselor if..." + (show)
@lisalucier

Hi, @healingone – wondering from what you said about discovering you need a trauma-specialized counselor if you were diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

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Yes. If the US had a C-PTSD diagnosis, I would have it. I have had lifelong challenges.

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Feb 12, 2020

Hello everyone. These words caught my attention : "Treatment Resistant Depression. " Oh how I can relate to that.

I am finally on a path to wellness. Turns out my body does not make dopamine or seratonin properly without assistance. I take a folate supplement and a fairly new antidepressant, Vibriid.

I also have severe anxiety which undoubtedly is related to my being on the Spectrum. My senses are ablaze, and very difficult to regulate. I wear earplugs and sunglasses, sit where I can leave early if a meeting gets too crowded.

I am able to have a good quality of life now. I practice mindfulness and my own take on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I believe in having lots of visual reminders around to emphasize positivity and faith.

My CRNP did gene testing on me and discovered why nothing really worked for me all those years.

Its not been easy. But it has all been worth it to get to this point.

Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 12, 2020
In reply to @stw "The reason my psychiatrist wanted me to try them was because he said I had the..." + (show)
@stw

The reason my psychiatrist wanted me to try them was because he said I had the worst treatment resistant depression he had ever treated. I was episodic, meaning I was in an episode, of mostly non-functional depression or I was fine when not having an episode. No medications or 3 different sessions of ECT (22 total) helped me in over 25 years. He had only one other patient he had prescribed an MAOI for and it was working. I had been seeing him (he is an amazing psychiatrist who really cares that his patients get well) about 3 years when he suggested the MAOI and I was very scared to take them but I was about out of options. I had no hope this medicine would work either but it did and worked pretty quickly. No real side effects other than weight gain. Downside is diet and all the medication interactions. I am use to the diet and it is not a problem and I have a pharmacist who knows all about the maoi and even if I might forget about an interaction she never does! The medication gave me my life back.

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My doctors have in their notes the labels of intractable pain and treatment resistant depression and pain, @stw. That's why they recommended ECT, and I was interviewed and approved for it. I spent a lot of energy toward making that happen, but just before I scheduled my first appointment for treatment my wife spoke up and told me that she didn't want me to do it. That was 5 years ago. At the time I was pretty much non-functional because of depression and suicidal ideation that I'd been working on with therapy and medication for more than 10 years and was too overwhelmed to fight against her objections and and to wrap up the details of housing and final plans. So I called the university hospital and cancelled my treatment. There will always be the regret that I didn't follow through, and wonder if ECT would have given me my life back. I guess I'll never know.

Jim

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1 reply
stw | @stw | Feb 12, 2020
In reply to @jimhd "My doctors have in their notes the labels of intractable pain and treatment resistant depression and..." + (show)
@jimhd

My doctors have in their notes the labels of intractable pain and treatment resistant depression and pain, @stw. That's why they recommended ECT, and I was interviewed and approved for it. I spent a lot of energy toward making that happen, but just before I scheduled my first appointment for treatment my wife spoke up and told me that she didn't want me to do it. That was 5 years ago. At the time I was pretty much non-functional because of depression and suicidal ideation that I'd been working on with therapy and medication for more than 10 years and was too overwhelmed to fight against her objections and and to wrap up the details of housing and final plans. So I called the university hospital and cancelled my treatment. There will always be the regret that I didn't follow through, and wonder if ECT would have given me my life back. I guess I'll never know.

Jim

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I know it helps some people and the very first time I did it. It helped a little but in 4 months I was back to pretty much non-functional. Over the years I have had 3 different series totaling 30 different treatments. Now they just put tiny electrodes on your head and can target areas better. My 1st Series was over 20 years ago and it looked like I had metal coke cans on either side of my head. ( just like One flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest) it was mortifying. AlL 3 series came with really bad short term memory loss – didn’t recognize even my family. However that does get much better within a week or two. The 1st one left me with horrible long term memory! I believe the way they do it know does affect that as bad. Between the depression itself, the medications and the ECT’s there is so much I don’t remember. Huge chunks are missing. The worst is I don’t remember a lot of my daughter growing up. This was also why I finally agreed to try the MAOI. I was pretty much out of options and I had taken most Of the medications out there in my 36 years of dealing with this. ECT does help some people but I was not one of them. The electrodes they use now do not Usually have the long term memory loss. I am so glad my doctor wanted me to try the MAOIs. I was very frightened to take the them but finally I agreed to take it 5 years ago, I started them on Valentines Day. I have been well ever since. The MAOIs gave me my life back!! Not many Drs will prescribe them today. I would think about finding a Dr that will prescribe them. But the Dr needs to really know about them. You have to adhere to food and medication rules or they can be potentially fatal. That scared me to death but I have no problem following that Cuz it gave me my life back! I had finally found an excellent and a very medication knowledgeable psychiatrist. Also he is very kind and compassionate. Rare- at least compared to the other psychiatrists I had seen. I saw him for about 6 years and he exhausted Pretty much everything before he suggested trying those.

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2 replies
laujenkins | @laujenkins | Feb 12, 2020

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this! I don’t have any experience with the medication that you are on, but I understand how you feel to some extent with the brain fog, feeling dumber, out of body experiences and irritable. I definitely have been feeling that way with my depression medication!
Know you’re not alone! We are hear if you need to vent or chat!
All the best!

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Ellen | @helenfrances | Feb 12, 2020
In reply to @stw "I know it helps some people and the very first time I did it. It helped..." + (show)
@stw

I know it helps some people and the very first time I did it. It helped a little but in 4 months I was back to pretty much non-functional. Over the years I have had 3 different series totaling 30 different treatments. Now they just put tiny electrodes on your head and can target areas better. My 1st Series was over 20 years ago and it looked like I had metal coke cans on either side of my head. ( just like One flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest) it was mortifying. AlL 3 series came with really bad short term memory loss – didn’t recognize even my family. However that does get much better within a week or two. The 1st one left me with horrible long term memory! I believe the way they do it know does affect that as bad. Between the depression itself, the medications and the ECT’s there is so much I don’t remember. Huge chunks are missing. The worst is I don’t remember a lot of my daughter growing up. This was also why I finally agreed to try the MAOI. I was pretty much out of options and I had taken most Of the medications out there in my 36 years of dealing with this. ECT does help some people but I was not one of them. The electrodes they use now do not Usually have the long term memory loss. I am so glad my doctor wanted me to try the MAOIs. I was very frightened to take the them but finally I agreed to take it 5 years ago, I started them on Valentines Day. I have been well ever since. The MAOIs gave me my life back!! Not many Drs will prescribe them today. I would think about finding a Dr that will prescribe them. But the Dr needs to really know about them. You have to adhere to food and medication rules or they can be potentially fatal. That scared me to death but I have no problem following that Cuz it gave me my life back! I had finally found an excellent and a very medication knowledgeable psychiatrist. Also he is very kind and compassionate. Rare- at least compared to the other psychiatrists I had seen. I saw him for about 6 years and he exhausted Pretty much everything before he suggested trying those.

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Oh it was so good to read that you have your life back. I will be praying for you that you are completely healed.
We are strong for our family, our precious little ones,
And even! relatives who do not always understand!

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 13, 2020
In reply to @stw "I know it helps some people and the very first time I did it. It helped..." + (show)
@stw

I know it helps some people and the very first time I did it. It helped a little but in 4 months I was back to pretty much non-functional. Over the years I have had 3 different series totaling 30 different treatments. Now they just put tiny electrodes on your head and can target areas better. My 1st Series was over 20 years ago and it looked like I had metal coke cans on either side of my head. ( just like One flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest) it was mortifying. AlL 3 series came with really bad short term memory loss – didn’t recognize even my family. However that does get much better within a week or two. The 1st one left me with horrible long term memory! I believe the way they do it know does affect that as bad. Between the depression itself, the medications and the ECT’s there is so much I don’t remember. Huge chunks are missing. The worst is I don’t remember a lot of my daughter growing up. This was also why I finally agreed to try the MAOI. I was pretty much out of options and I had taken most Of the medications out there in my 36 years of dealing with this. ECT does help some people but I was not one of them. The electrodes they use now do not Usually have the long term memory loss. I am so glad my doctor wanted me to try the MAOIs. I was very frightened to take the them but finally I agreed to take it 5 years ago, I started them on Valentines Day. I have been well ever since. The MAOIs gave me my life back!! Not many Drs will prescribe them today. I would think about finding a Dr that will prescribe them. But the Dr needs to really know about them. You have to adhere to food and medication rules or they can be potentially fatal. That scared me to death but I have no problem following that Cuz it gave me my life back! I had finally found an excellent and a very medication knowledgeable psychiatrist. Also he is very kind and compassionate. Rare- at least compared to the other psychiatrists I had seen. I saw him for about 6 years and he exhausted Pretty much everything before he suggested trying those.

Jump to this post

@stw

I appreciate your response. The psychiatrist I see has been really good to work with over the past ten years or so. I think that all the antidepressants I've taken have been ssri's.

I've read stories about ECT experiences, from one end of the spectrum to the other. It seems to be quite individualized, much like neuropathy. I'm in a better place now than I was ten years ago, and probably don't need it as desperatelyas I did then.

I'm going to look into MAOI's. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Jim

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Lisa Lucier | @lisalucier | Mar 17, 2020

Good morning,
Just wanted to make you aware that Mayo Clinic Connect just opened up a brand new group dedicated to COVID-19 https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/covid-19/. If you're interested in following it, click the +Follow in the upper right hand of the page. Please feel free to look through the discussions, participate where you'd like and start new discussions about topics relevant to any aspect of coronavirus, COVID-19.

REPLY
tink1 | @tink1 | Jan 10 2:44pm
In reply to @cherylrose "I am new to this group. I just started taking Fetzima which is a replacement for..." + (show)
@cherylrose

I am new to this group. I just started taking Fetzima which is a replacement for duloxetine. Does anyone have experience with Fetzima?

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I have just been prescribed this so will let you know

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