Need Advice - Elderly Mother with Crippling Anxiety

Posted by leleo81682 @leleo81682, 19 hours ago

I honestly am at a loss for what to do to help my mother. She is 76 years old, and has been suffering from extreme anxiety and depression for over two years. It kind of came out of nowhere. It has gotten to the point where she is basically homebound. She only leaves the house to go to doctor appointments. When she is home, she is pretty much in bed all day.

She has tried so many different medications and nothing has helped. She was diagnosed as being bipolar. Her anxiety is through the roof and she has terrible panic attacks. She also has a lot of tremors in her hands.

Her current psychiatrist is awful so I am trying to find her another one. Many do not take her insurance (Medicaid) and/or won't accept her as a patient due to her age.

She is not sick enough to be in inpatient care but she really needs some serious help. If things continue on the path she is on, she is going to die.

She is currently weaning off of generic Lexapro as it didn't seem to be helping and she was having some unpleasant side effects.

She previously tried cymbalta and that seemed to help, so she is starting that again. But I am worried that this won't help her anxiety.

Her doctor prescribed her 1/2 tab of Valium to use up to three times a day as needed. She usually only takes the one before bed but sometimes her anxiety gets so bad in the afternoon that she needs a pill then too. I am very concerned about her being on Valium, especially due to her age.

She also takes trazedone to help sleep, but her stupid psychiatrist (who prescribed her both of these) just told her this past week that those are not safe to take together.

So we are hoping to wean her off of the valium once she is stable on the cymbalta.

I am of the mind that she might just be better off weaning off of everything right now (like not even starting cymbalta) and just let her body recalibrate. She has had so many different medications prescribed to her and has had a ton of paradoxical reactions. Her side effects seem worse than the condition alone.

I am just worried that it will get so bad that she will need to be hospitalized again, and the inpatient options in Buffalo are awful. They just give her benzos and then release her. They literally left her in the parking lot by herself last time in the cold. My dad was on the way to get her.

I guess I am just asking for any advice anyone might have. I hate seeing my mom suffer like this. If things continue on this path, I know she will not live much longer.

Her current psychiatrist thinks that her anxiety may be due to the beginning of memory loss, but she honestly wasn't showing memory loss until she took the benzos give to her at inpatient care. Ever since then, her memory has been bad. We are going to go back to the neurologist to see if there might be something else going on. Her previous neurologist did not think she had any memory issues going on.

I am tempted to tell my dad to take her to the mental health hospital in Boston as it's supposed to be the best in the country.

Any other ideas? Suggestions?

Thank you for reading this and actually caring about my Mom. I feel that our healthcare system has failed her so terribly and no one seems to care.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

windyshores | @windyshores | 17 hours ago

McLean Hospital in Belmont outside of Boston is the best in the country. Sometimes a "med wash" (stopping all meds) is helpful but it needs supervision of course.

My mother had dementia and the doctors used gabapentin for anxiety, and Lunesta for sleep. Benzos really affected her memory.

I am almost 74 and try to avoid benzos myself.

Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | 15 hours ago

@leleo81682. This situation you describe with your mother is heartbreaking. My mother had major health problems and anxiety and depression. I lived across the country from her and while we talked frequently on the phone I was always worried.

I am 73-years-old and have a history of anxiety and depression. I know those feelings and symptoms too well and when I had an anxiety disorder that affected my ability to function in my daily life I knew I was really in trouble. I was 37-years-old at the time and the medication then were not nearly as effective as some of the meds available today. I was fortunate to have a very good psychiatrist who listened to me, He ordered tests to rule out heart disease and seizures and once I was "cleared" he prescribed medication for me that worked. It wasn't perfect and the anxiety and depression did not go away but it became more manageable.

Finding a psychiatrist even when you have private insurance such as Blue Cross/Blue Shield can be difficult. It does sound like it would be helpful to find a new psychiatrist for your mother. If your mother has a primary care physician does that medical provider have suggestions?

Some psychiatrists in private practice are listed on this website. You might try putting your mother's zip code to see if a psychiatrist is available near her.

Find a Psychiatrist:

-- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/psychiatrists

Would you please come back here and keep me updated?

Does your mother live alone? Do you live nearby? Are there are other family members who live nearby?