1. < Cancer: Managing Symptoms

My Anger is overwhelming

Posted by Denise @denisestlouie, Feb 20 8:56pm

I'm so angry. I've felt this way off and on for 3 years and that was before my Crohn's diagnosis and my cancer diagnosis. I don't have a clue where its coming from. I've been in therapy since 2021. I've worked with 2 different therapists with different approaches. I'm taking buspirone. I used to take an Lexapro but that didn't help me.

Since my cancer diagnosis the anger is more intense. I fired my GI I'm constantly thinking about firing my oncologist. I haven't stopped any cancer therapy. I'm focused on my health. I'm doing things to strengthen my body. I think that's one positive thing that I do.

Sometimes I think about selling everything and move away to be by myself. I honestly don't think I would miss anyone, except my daughter.

I have days that are worse than others. Today is an exceptionally bad day. There was no trigger. I woke up angry.

I've been told anger is a secondary emotion that help us deal with other emotions. I don't know what it would be. It's not depression. I think one of the therapist would have identified depression.

My anger is so in your face other people dont want to hear what I'm saying not do they understand. That's probably why they don't want to hear me talk about the things and people that agitated me.

I'm writing in my journal trying to calm myself. I post here regularly for an outlet.

When I'm angry I'm either fierce or I cry. It's confusing. It's lonely when I'm not alone. I don't drink anymore. So it's not alcohol. I just don't know what else I should be doing.

I used to be a very happy person. I've never been easy going. I've always had passion for my work and now I couldn't careless. I hate this. I hate that I'm a different person. I'm some one I don't even know anymore.

I sometimes think I'm angry about the way my life turned out. Honestly on the surface I've done pretty well for myself and my daughter.

I think maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't like being me.

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minglu | @minglu | Apr 6 11:16pm
In reply to @nmd78 "I'm a mother of an adult child who was diagnosed with Sarcoma this past December, 2024...." + (show)
@nmd78

I'm a mother of an adult child who was diagnosed with Sarcoma this past December, 2024. Idk what to do, what to say or how to help my child right now. My parent also became homebound right before I found out and I have been trying to help my 85 yr old parent with daily tasks and meals. My child has been through 2 weeks of chemo, alone the first week, my husband was there the 2nd week by taking my adult child's baby to visit midweek. A friend is going the 3rd week. What should I do ? I can't leave my parent unless a caregiver is in the home and it's over an hour drive to the cancer center one-way.

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Do you live in an area that has support care? Check with senior centers and/or social services with your health care provider or county services. At least, in CA, those are some of the options. Some faith organizations may also be able to help. May you get the help you need.

REPLY
frouke | @frouke | Apr 8 7:38am

Denise, I have read your post numerous times and couldn’t find the words to express how much you affected me, so much of what you said is striking a chord with me. It’s uncanny how you can read about someone’s feelings and relate but then you just don’t have the words to express to them that you totally understand what they’re feeling. I have been going through the same thing and it’s so frustrating to find the answers to my problems, I have tried therapy and various medications but it just skims the surface of what’s inside. I find you very intelligent and I believe that you have always been in control of your life, along comes illness and you do all the right things to stay in control but the mind presents the most difficult part to control, nothing in life is more important than your health and when it’s threatened you realize that the control you have is so fragile. I also became very angry with myself and the people surrounding me, it’s so easy to hide behind anger and push back but the mind has its own agenda. I think you will find the answers inside and eventually get the peace you so desperately need because you have it inside to do so.

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Denise | @denisestlouie | Apr 8 8:49pm
In reply to @nmd78 "I'm a mother of an adult child who was diagnosed with Sarcoma this past December, 2024...." + (show)
@nmd78

I'm a mother of an adult child who was diagnosed with Sarcoma this past December, 2024. Idk what to do, what to say or how to help my child right now. My parent also became homebound right before I found out and I have been trying to help my 85 yr old parent with daily tasks and meals. My child has been through 2 weeks of chemo, alone the first week, my husband was there the 2nd week by taking my adult child's baby to visit midweek. A friend is going the 3rd week. What should I do ? I can't leave my parent unless a caregiver is in the home and it's over an hour drive to the cancer center one-way.

Jump to this post

That's such a difficult situation you have. I'm the one who had cancer. (64). My parents were needing help. I just couldn't really be there for them. My sister stepped up. She was helping me and my parents.

Listen to your child. Is you child asking for you to be there? Ask your child what is needed.
I didn't want help from my parents, but I'm probably your age and our parents are the same age as your parents. It was different situation, but my mom felt helpless. She wanted to do something to help me.

Hang in there.

Denise

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