My Anger is overwhelming

I'm so angry. I've felt this way off and on for 3 years and that was before my Crohn's diagnosis and my cancer diagnosis. I don't have a clue where its coming from. I've been in therapy since 2021. I've worked with 2 different therapists with different approaches. I'm taking buspirone. I used to take an Lexapro but that didn't help me.

Since my cancer diagnosis the anger is more intense. I fired my GI I'm constantly thinking about firing my oncologist. I haven't stopped any cancer therapy. I'm focused on my health. I'm doing things to strengthen my body. I think that's one positive thing that I do.

Sometimes I think about selling everything and move away to be by myself. I honestly don't think I would miss anyone, except my daughter.

I have days that are worse than others. Today is an exceptionally bad day. There was no trigger. I woke up angry.

I've been told anger is a secondary emotion that help us deal with other emotions. I don't know what it would be. It's not depression. I think one of the therapist would have identified depression.

My anger is so in your face other people dont want to hear what I'm saying not do they understand. That's probably why they don't want to hear me talk about the things and people that agitated me.

I'm writing in my journal trying to calm myself. I post here regularly for an outlet.

When I'm angry I'm either fierce or I cry. It's confusing. It's lonely when I'm not alone. I don't drink anymore. So it's not alcohol. I just don't know what else I should be doing.

I used to be a very happy person. I've never been easy going. I've always had passion for my work and now I couldn't careless. I hate this. I hate that I'm a different person. I'm some one I don't even know anymore.

I sometimes think I'm angry about the way my life turned out. Honestly on the surface I've done pretty well for myself and my daughter.

I think maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't like being me.