My 22 year old daughter has ended relationship

I'm so sorry to hear about this issue with your daughter! That's terrible of her to cut you out of her life! However that is the way things seem to be with younger people these days. I'm 80 and my son is 54. He hasn't contacted me in 20 years and I don't know why! There was no confrontation or problem. It's very sad but that's the way it is. I could use his help now too since my husband died in 2024 and I'm alone. I can't even contact my son since I don't have his address or phone number. What I did do was just give him back to God. I asked God to straighten him out since I hadn't been able to. I pray that he's safe since I do know he lives and works somewhere in Seattle which is not a safe city any longer.

If you still have contact of some kind with your daughter just tell her how much you love her and let her go her way. It may eventually pass and she will come back to you. It's sad for us parents when these things happen. But that seems to be the way life is these days. If you need to talk, I'm available.

I'll say a prayer for both you and your daughter.
I wish you the best.
PML

Thank you so much for commenting! I wasn’t quite sure how this works and yes I would love to talk more. She is in Seattle also. I have no address for her and took a chance that her phone number still worked by sending her a message the other day of how much I love her, and’s that I’m always here for her. She actually replied two days later and it was so so bad. Much worse than the other ones and I didn’t think that was possible! She was very graphic in how she hopes I’m unalived, not once but three times! I’m trying to let go knowing God has her and He’s in control not me. It’s just so hard to accept this is even happening. I think I’m in that stage of grief, denial. I’m so sort to hear that you’ve not spoken or heard from your son in all these years! Thank you for your prayers and I will do the same for you.

My neighbours are in their eighties and they both have many health problems, they have one son who is mentally disabled and lives in a hospital for care, their other child is a daughter who has lived with them for many years, she has never been married and is very educated, I know that she used to help her parents with shopping and little chores but she was absent a lot with her work. I ran into her mother one day and she said her daughter moved out and ghosted them, no address or phone number and no explanation, I was truly upset for her, she was able to find out where she moved but all contact was discontinued, it just made no sense for her to do this to her parents who just loved her so much. I realize that we don’t know everything that goes on in other peoples lives but I do know that they loved her dearly and never imposed on her too much because they respected her space.

Wow! To confess, I stopped having a relationship with my parents at age 21 though it gradually was heading that way before then. I was actually about 23, not 21. I felt depressed, unloved (never ever remember my dad telling me he loved me, but my mom would say it to include him but it felt hesitated “…and We love you”. So I feel like I have reaped what I sowed in that respect. I was emotionally and verbally abused at home. I was ra-ped by my brother and a cousin and when revealing that to them I was accused of lying and had no support from them which was odd because my mother in young adulthood was date ra-ped and had a child from it who she gave up for adoption. I admire her for that because of my beliefs and I will never know how hard that was for her. I do feel that she believed me but was unable to speak her mind as my dad was the controlling type and an alcoholic. He was on disability and I watched my mom work herself to the bone and hand over her entire paycheck and then practically beg for a few dollars to buy something she saw at a thrift shop that she wanted. With my own daughters I vowed to give them a voice, to have their opinions, gave consequences when warranted, took a love and logic parenting course, and did my best to lead them in a healthier way compared to my experience growing up. The times have certainly changed and as I’m much older now I have a hard reality check of how my mom must have felt those years without me. With my brother in and out of prison, she didn’t have anyone but my dad. I did get to talk with her briefly on the phone before she passed way from congestive heart failure. We exchanged I love you’s and I’ll never forget everything about that moment. A year prior I tried to talk to my dad before he passed way but he was sleeping and I was told to call back the next morning. He didn’t make it until the next morning. I do and I don’t believe in karma. The stories were very different between the two and there’s much much more to unpack. Mental illness and trauma play a huge part in all of this with the one daughter. The last I heard from her she was in counseling and had a therapist. However, she’s been heavily into pot and tried other things too and my added and maybe even bigger worry still is that she told me once that her boyfriend used to do meth. I’m praying pot is the only thing she ever does and that she stops that too especially if she’s taking any meds for mental health and/or drinking, which she’s been known to do. I never modeled any of these things. Just weeks before this breaking up with me happened, she asked me to come visit her which I was planning to do. I wouldn’t dare without a safety plan in place from all that’s been said to me. And I’m definitely skeptical of the boyfriend, other peers, and their influence or manipulation over her. It’s like I’m trying to find someone to blame besides her solely. If you only knew how she talked to me in these texts and by phone, a sailor would be uncomfortable! I will honestly take accountability when it’s due and what all she’s been saying is just in a word delusional. I’m sorry for airing all of this laundry. There’s so much of it which is the sad part but even still these actions she’s taken do not warrant any of it. I’m so confused. I’m looking for a counselor and a super group but I don’t think just any counselor can help with this one.

You certainly had a very tumultuous family life and I am very sorry for the pain that you’ve experienced, it’s often our own family members that are responsible for much of the suffering we go through and often at an early age when we’re most trusting and vulnerable. The evil doesn’t always come from the parents but indeed from our own siblings, I too was a victim of abuse exacted by my older brother. I was protected from him by my father but it never stopped until I married young to leave home. I’m a grandmother now and I have a loving family and my life has also been filled with emotional turmoil but I survived it and used my own strength to make the best choices, of course I had many years of therapy and medication to help me cope but I feel very grateful and blessed to be alive to reap the benefits of my endurance, today we are survivors and not victims anymore.

You are not alone. I am estranged from my 33-yr-old son. Check out Sheri McGregor. She writes a lot about parent/adult children estrangement. It helped me to understand my feelings of isolation, shame and this giant change in my life. But mostly, it lead me to teachings about self compassion which helped me realize that we have to either continue or begin to love ourselves or we end up blaming ourselves forever.