@shoop1966, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I also added your question to the Caregivers group (https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers/) so you can connect with fellow caregivers like @IndianaScott @lah and others.

My family faced similar decisions when my father was diagnosed with late-stage colorectal cancer. They said 6 months without treatment and guessed at possibly 12 months with chemo. These of course were only educated guesses and colorectal cancer is a slow progressing cancer. This may not be the length that would be extended for your wife. Only your cancer team could make possibly estimate based on your wife's current health status and cancer progression. It is a good question to ask them.

We had the talk together as a family. Before going to the appointment to choose whether or not to have chemo, my father had decided not to have treatment. Much to our surprise, he changed his mind in the appointment with the oncologist. It was explained that he could start chemo and if he wished he could stop. That was the option he choose. We were supportive of both his original and his changed decision. After 3 months of chemo, he decided the side effects were not worth it. He stopped chemo and was with us for 10 more months, making it to my parents' 51st wedding anniversary. All in all we had 13 more months together. Whether it was 1 month or 13, it was helpful for us to talk about it.

Shoop, how are you and wife handling this news? Are you able to talk about it yet?

Thanks Colleen for your story. My Wife and I did discuss it and I have left it up to her. I'm worried about the chemo and quality of life. She has been through a lot the past 6 months and just not sure she the strength to do it. I'm trying to be strong but I cannot stop crying- she's my World!! I'm very sorry for you and your family of the loss of your Father.

@shoop1966 You want to ask some very difficult questions. When I worked on an oncology unit, most of the doctors told us they just couldn’t answer the question of ‘how long’ because they really didn’t know. Every person is so different and responds so differently. Pain is the main thing that prevents good quality of life. Talk with your wife’s doctor so they understand how important prevention of pain is for both you and your wife. Your wife may also decide that hospice is the path she wants. Dealing with chemotherapy is no fun and is exhausting.
I think the main thing you have to do now is to have a good talk with your wife. Find out what she really wants and then support her.
I’m so sorry you’re going thru all this. We’ll keep you in our thoughts.

Thanks Becky. I'm leaving it up to my Wife. She wants to fight so I told her we will fight this together. I told her when it gets to much, she can stop the chemo. This last 2 weeks weeks have been her best. Appreciate your prayers.

Others are praying for your wife to receive the strength to endure the treatment and for her to have hope for improvement and eventual success. Praying for you to be steadfast as well.

Praying for the best. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my options seemed poor, I faced the fact that there may not be much that could be done, then I was told that the physicians had figured out a way forward and now there is hope again. I decided to be at peace which ever way it turned out and just that acceptance made me feel ok about my life. Now there is hope so please, never give up hope. My brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer with 3 months to live and that was 20 years ago. He gave up treatments, still has cancer, but no pain as he has good pain management, and still has a good quality of life. It is in God's hands. Best to you both.

thank you very much!!

Thank you very much. I love your story because we have heard the diagnosis and we are praying for that same miracle. We will pray for your continued success for you and your Brother!!

I have no words for those of you who have or are facing cancer except to say that you are in my prayers as I see your posts. I hope for the best outcomes for each of you.

thank you!!!

@shoop1966, thinking of you and your wife today. I suspect your energies are focused on your wife and your time together. Just wanted to let you know that we're here when you need us.

Hello @earscan
It has been a while since you last posted. How are you doing?

My Wife is back in the hospital with a brain issue. Doctors are not able to find a cause but she did have a 4 minute seizure yesterday morning- up until Monday when she woke up with a severe headache- it was going really well. First Chemo treatment had little side affects and we getting stronger by the day, even gain about 15 lbs back. Doctors are trying to see if Immunotheraphy could have caused the brain swell- thanks for asking. A miracle was in progress till this happened– leaning on & trusting God in All things.

Thank you Prayers are working!! Just another bump in the road!!

Shoop, My Thoughts, Prayers, and Blessings go to your wife and you!
I have been down that road with chemo! Please Watch her very closely! As I have said on Conect, you in this case have to be her advocate! Demand they figure it out!
Twenty one years ago I let me issues with the chemo slide past! It wasn;t until my wife took me to ER with only a couple hours to live from the chemo that I learned we must stand up to the doctors. I'm in the middle of a "Cause and Affect" with my PCP over why my illness is not getting better, but worse!
PLEASE, PLEASE, Dig deep and get Face to Face and demand answers!
Sending both of you my Prayes, Blessing and Thoughts from The Land of Enchantment!
Sundance(RB)