Managing my husband with Parkinson’s and dementia

Posted by b37027 @b37027, Aug 3 9:59pm

I am just so frustrated with trying to figure out what my husband with Parkinson’s and dementia needs. He has communication and word finding issues so even if he tries to tell me, it doesn’t come out right. He doesn’t follow my directions. I use simple sentences and repeat over and over but he doesn’t act on the instructions. He just freezes and stares. I think it is time to have someone come into the house to help with him but I just don’t know why I feel so resistant to that.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | 6 days ago

@b37027 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m so glad you found this site. You should be able to communicate with others in your same situation! It must be so hard helping your husband like this. I’m sure you never counted on this. There are other discussions about Parkinson’s and dementia. Just go to the top left side of this page where it states Caregivers:dementia and click on it and you will be taken to the table of contents for this entire support group. You’ll find lots of other discussions that will interest you.

bridgeback2 | @bridgeback2 | 3 days ago

The communication problem isn't a lack of trying on his part, and it isn't your fault either. It's a symptom of the disease where the brain just can't process the instruction.
The resistance you feel is something very common for a caregiver. It feels like a failure, but it is the opposite. Bringing in help is a way of caring for yourself and him. You shouldn't feel bad doing it.

georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | 2 days ago

Hi b37027,

I, too, am like you--a person who resists bringing in help for my husband. I had no choice, however, but to accept help: I started breaking down and realized that I if I ended up in the hospital or care facility, I would no longer be able to care for my 83-year-old husband. (He is immobile due to his back issues; and he has Alzheimer, vascular dementia and Lewy Body with Parkinsonian features.)

A lot of people don't like strangers coming into their homes for various personal reasons; but you will love having help once you find the right person(s). The process of finding caregivers is arduous. You can begin by going to websites for locating caregivers near you. For example, see AgingCare.com and Care.Com.

Accepting outside help is part of self-care.

Good luck to you and your husband,
George's 76-year-old Wife