Lost: Being sick and not knowing why wears on you
Needing to vent. I am feeling like a human dartboard. I’ve been fighting something for years and my physicians have been little help. It’s like a specific set of symptoms present, they throw a dart and suggest a random diagnosis. I recognize they can’t know everything and there have been limitations to my ability to find answers…location, finances, insurance. So don’t get me wrong this isn’t a “I hate doctors” vent. To the contrary I have the utmost respect for really great doctors. I am just frustrated. This morning maybe, after another week of waiting I will hear back from my doctor on my blood work. He suspects a tumor. Obviously I don’t want a tumor. However I am not freaking out because I have ‘been there done that’ with false diagnoses so many times…lupus, chronic fatigue, cancer, fibromyalgia, MS hypothyroid, parkinson’s… You can only handle so much and I don’t know which is worse, to hear they don’t know what’s wrong or to throw a diagnosis at you, without any real testing and you think your life just came to a halt. Being sick and not knowing why for a really long time wears on you not just physically but mentally. It’s exhausting and day’s like today I just want to quit trying to find answers and just deal with the sick and deal with the pain.