Loss of my 23 year old son to a accident

Posted by tracypage722 @tracypage722, Nov 15, 2022

I'm not doing very well dealing with losing my son so sudden. He was so young and full of life . He died on his motorcycle. At first I wanted to blame the driver that pulled out in front of him causing the accident. Kelton my son was on his way to work and was driving way to fast as he always did and the other driver turned in front of him. He saw him but he says he didn't realize he was going so fast. The police report says he was driving over 120 when this happened
Its been a year and half and I still think I hear him coming into my front door calling mom
I still hear him laughing and being silly like he always did
I know he is gone but I can't seen to accept it
I'm so lost with grief it has changed me so much I am always angry and short tempered
I hate the world but I understand this is not good
I need help
Tracy

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I feel so bad for you. I have some of the same emotions you have, except it was my husband, not a son. Many anger issues. I have someone I am going to for therapy. It is still new so nothing much has happened but I have hope. Please look for a therapist that you can engage with. Anger is so destructive. Sending you my best wishes for some kind of peace.

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@thisismarilynb

I feel so bad for you. I have some of the same emotions you have, except it was my husband, not a son. Many anger issues. I have someone I am going to for therapy. It is still new so nothing much has happened but I have hope. Please look for a therapist that you can engage with. Anger is so destructive. Sending you my best wishes for some kind of peace.

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Tracey, this is dreadful and I feel so sorry for you. I lost my brother to suicide. He exploded his house and leveled his house and 2 other homes rendering 8 people homeless and condemning 3 other homes. I still have not dealt with the emotions. I am told life will get better; it just takes time.
Mikayla

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I understand your pain Tracey! My 28 year old son died on Sept 13, 2021 of Covid Pneumonia. He too was my only son and it devastated me. I hang on to God and his promise that he has my boy and I will see him again some day. But 14 months later and I still miss him so much and want to see his beautiful smile and feel his big hugs again. I am so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for your peace. Rest in Jesus's arms and let him heal you pain.! God Bless you!

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Welcome @tracypage722. I hope you saw the messages from fellow members @boomkat57 @mikaylar @thisismarilynb, who have also experienced loss.

Kat and Tracy, just seeing the pictures of your young boys underlines how unbelievable, unbearable (and unfair) your loss is. I'd like to bring @harriethodgson1 into this discussion. Like you, she knows first hand the grief of losing a child and has written helpful books about coping well with loss and grief.

What helps you when remembering something you cherish about your son, but feel the pain of loss?

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I gasp when I hear about another young adult dying in a crash. In 2007 four of my family members died. My daughter died from the injuries she received in a crash. Six months later, my twin grandchildren's father died in another crash. My husband and I became their legal guardians. It took years for me to accept these facts and find comfort. What comforted me may not comfort you, but here goes.
* My daughter was an organ donor. Her donations saved three lives and restored a fourth person's sight.
* Both of my grandkids (one male, one female) graduated from college with high honors.
* I connected with The Compassionate Friends, an international organization for parents, siblings, and grandparents who suffered the loss of a child.
* I read articles on the Open to Hope Foundation's website, which includes articles, radio, television, and podcasts.
* When I felt strong enough, I helped other grieving people and wrote books about grief.
* My latest books are Grief Doodling: Bringing Back Your Smiles and Daisy A Day: Hope for a Grieving Heart.
* In 2020 my husband died. I found another new widow and we became grief buddies. The rules: Meet each week on the same day, same time, same place, talk about anything, and keep confidentiality.
* Writing has helped me greatly and I think it will help you. When you write your way through grief, you learn new things and find yourself.
* I try to live mindfully, which takes effort, but is worth the effort.
* To heal, we need to tell our grief stories. I tell my story and listen actively to others' stories.
* I make the most of the miracle of my life. My daughter and other deceased loved ones would want me to be happy. After years of grief work and years of pain, I chose happiness for myself.

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I forgot to say my daughter was the mother of my twin grandchildren.

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I am so sorry. I lost my 25 year old on a motorcycle with a lady hitting him while pulling in to meet me for ice cream. My heart broke in a million pieces and never will I be the same. It’s been since 2012 I am better but the pain that I hide from people who will never understand is still there. I felt 3 years I would survive the grief then bounced back and forth til 5 years.. after that it became something I knew would be my new normal a life where I can go on but will not be the same person.. the hardest part is feeling how lonely the pain is because a mothers grief is the worse, they were our babies. I have to say then but of course nobody could understand the depth because that wasn’t their child and how lucky I was to have him for the time I did. Study Gods word and getting into a women’s Bible study helped so much because I see this life is temporary and it’s not our turn yet so try to take care of yourself and enjoy the short journey knowing we will be joined again soon. Their souls are with Jesus - God bless you. Your son looks beautiful I said a prayer for you both

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I cannot imagine the grief of losing a child but I’ve often read the truth of the way King David reacted in second Samuel 12:18-23 after losing his firstborn. That will give us a certain peacefulness about the future.

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@dresden

I am so sorry. I lost my 25 year old on a motorcycle with a lady hitting him while pulling in to meet me for ice cream. My heart broke in a million pieces and never will I be the same. It’s been since 2012 I am better but the pain that I hide from people who will never understand is still there. I felt 3 years I would survive the grief then bounced back and forth til 5 years.. after that it became something I knew would be my new normal a life where I can go on but will not be the same person.. the hardest part is feeling how lonely the pain is because a mothers grief is the worse, they were our babies. I have to say then but of course nobody could understand the depth because that wasn’t their child and how lucky I was to have him for the time I did. Study Gods word and getting into a women’s Bible study helped so much because I see this life is temporary and it’s not our turn yet so try to take care of yourself and enjoy the short journey knowing we will be joined again soon. Their souls are with Jesus - God bless you. Your son looks beautiful I said a prayer for you both

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so very very sorry for your loss.

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I am so very very sorry for your loss.

Bottom line...counseling is very good tool for these things. And also real world grief support groups.

Mom died in June 2023.

In September, my wife's mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She passed in October.

Another relative died.

Then my wife's sister-in-law got diagnosed with cancer.

Then another relative came close to death.

Been a horrible year.

Therapy always helps.

Take care.

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