Living Loss & Chronic Sorrow: Can you grieve someone still alive?

Eliza jane, only everyone in a similar situation!
Its impossible to do your best day by day, and not miss what you had...carers try to be positive and uplifting....but inside the carer is overwhelmed at times, sad, and tired...
You need support from others...if not family or friend to give you a break...I urge you to call your local VNA...VISITING NURSE ASSO... or ask for help from the family doctor to steer you to the right place...also there are support groups for carers ...it gets you to a place to talk and listen to others in similar situations...who can give you unlimited support, and a time out...its a very difficult thing you're going thru...you need to watch out for you, too.

I am sorry for all that you and your spouse are having to endure at a younger age. My husband of 45 years has Alzh…as I have watched him decline mentally and physically the last three years it has hurt my heart so badly. There have been many nights, after he has gone to bed, that I have cried and mourned for all that will never be. He has always been my best friend and confidante and we have always done everything together. We had so many plans for things to do and places to go in our retirement years. Yes, I grieve daily for what was, what is, what is to come, and especially for what will never be, but I have also learned to look for joy in each day with him in new ways. A lot of days are hard, but some days there is that little something that reminds me that he is still very much my husband…yesterday, out of the blue, he walked up to me and gave me a kiss like I had not had from him in a long time…WOW that was a pleasant surprise. I usually instigate all acts of love and caring. It reminded me that even though he may not always be able to express it, he loves me, and he appreciates me, and most important, he knows that he can count on me to be there for him in the good and the not so good times. I hope your knowing, regardless of age, you are not alone on this journey. There are many of us here on the Mayo Connect that feel like you do. Personally, my faith helps me get through most days, especially on the very hard ones. I pray God will give you peace and comfort to endure.

I agree with labrown, my faith teaches me that my husband will be restored and we’ll be together again. That assurance helps put daily frustrations into perspective. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this at a young age. It’s unfair. Lean on friends and family if you can. Don’t keep your preemptive grief bottled up!

I do a bit of work with our local Area Agency on Aging (AAA), which runs a program called Savvy Caregivers for caregivers of all ages, including young people taking care of parents—the whole range of ages. AAA’s are a national program supported by State and Federal dollars. I highly recommend that you get in touch with the one closest to you. They are lifesavers. I am a caregiver, too, and I understand to a degree. But being younger, your’s is a much greater challenge, and I am so sorry for your pain. Bette

Hello everyone. Reading these posts really spoke volumes to me about the reality of living with many contrasting emotions simultaneously. It can be a roller coaster. I am inviting anyone who is interested to listen to David Kessler interview Emma Hemming Willis about caregiving and living with anticipatory grief and the complex reality of multiple losses that become part of daily life. The talk is on Nov. 13 12pm PT and 3pm ET.
Register on grief.com. If you can’t attend live he sends a replay to all who register. I was a caregiver for my mother in law for 13 years. The toll it takes is enormous. I am working on regaining
/restoring my own health and have found David Kessler’s talks to be a source of connection and a validation, if you will, in spite of the very real challenges that must be navigated. Like some of you, my faith sustained me. However, the toll was enormous. Every blessing to each of you now on this journey.

@liz2025 Thank you for sharing this info. I have listened to several of Emma Hemming Willis’ interviews and I have learned from each of them.
I also have her book that I am about to start reading.

@liz2025
Thank you, thank you thank you for posting that. I will be there.

I am so glad the original poster posted this because it hits home Big time.

Hi I Also feel like you .my husband and I Got married young going on 55 years of marriage we are in our early 70's .. had other plans after retirement but He got diagnose with ALZ. 3 years ago ..we watch our great-granddaughter which is a toddler ,but He thinks I come and help Him watch her ...talks to me about His wife and Family, does not know Me at time,s and it breaks my heart ,But i too lean on my Faith in GOD and it gets me through , but it hurts and i can understand your feelings .Thank you for sharing ,It helps me to know that its okay to feel the way I do

My life has been devoted to a man who has a disability (cerebral palsy). His condition has worsened greatly in the last 2 years. I fell 8 years ago and struggle daily with my own physical pain and limitations so my ability to assist him has diminished and my level of patience and frustration often reaches its max. I believe in prayer and know one day this will end and a better life is ahead. God bless the caregivers!

@goldie01 Welcome to the forum community and God bless you.