My nephrectomy was 4 months ago life is moving on. I have been feeling OK as of late. Physically I almost feel like “me” before the cancer. Emotionally I realize that things are now changed forever. In October ,which is here, I will meet my new oncologist. He will order “scans” and blood work so the cycle of surveillance begins for me. I was told that for the next 2 years I would have scans and blood work. Hopefully my cancer will not return but it just may. There is no way to tell how things will go. I was told that due to my tumor size I am at higher risk for recurrence. I will hope for the best. Many of you have already traveled the cancer trail some are just beginning the journey. Where ever you are with your cancer there is always hope. There may be pain and discomfort but we must fight to beat the beast that is cancer. I want to think of scans as “positive” in hopes of quelling my anxiety “scanxiety”. I have scan anxiety right now. A sense of dread intertwined with fear of the unknown. I don’t like the drive to the cancer center it tends to fill me with much stress. I don’t like checking in for appointments, the same questions asked, the same answers given. I am a cancer patient at a cancer center and that doesn’t sit well with me. I have an ID card with my name on it reminding me I am a member of a new club I never thought I would be be a part of! Faces are becoming familiar at the cancer center. At this point of my journey, I feel no comfort in the “new“familiar. It feels very foreign and not part of me. It’s been 4 months that is not very long since the cancer “ officially” invaded my life. Yet in many ways it feels like an eternity. So much has happened in those 4 months. I am grateful that my panic stage is over. I do feel less anxious in general. I am grateful for this site and for everyone who has given me insightful advise and direction. I find it most helpful! I feel supported which is very much appreciated. We all need to feel support! There are so many of us out there! There is strength in numbers!