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Latest update and thank you: deciding to not pursue further treatment
so after finishing radiation, meeting with more docs than i can even remember over the past few weeks, etc my friend says he's done...he's not interested in trials, even more aggressive chemo etc.. he says he's at peace with this decision, he's just DONE...he wants to spend his last months with his cats, doing what he enjoys, getting everything taken care of so I won't have to after he passes and generally doing what he can. We appreciated all the info on everything you all have been able to provide as it gave us things to discuss with doctors but in the end it came down to what he wants and to be honest, i think he's just tired of fighting...He's been a soldier all his life and in the beginning this was just a battle of a different kind but i think he's just reached the point he feels like he can't take anymore and i have to respect that.
basically every oncologist we met with has said the same thing to him that they could possibly delay the inevitable but its still terminal. i know there's a BUNCH of you all who have been very supportive of us through this (and have been in remission and have survived years) and i tried to convince him to do some kind of trials but after reading the info the docs gave him on ones he MIGHT qualify for he just said nope he's done...so i have to respect that...
i think part of it is he has been in pain for so many years (esp after his amputation in 2019 due to shrapnel remaining after the IED blast in Iraq) i think he just sees this as what God wills is what will be.. I think once we get an all clear on my cancer he probably won't last long as he's just the type to watch out for others and he'll feel like there's nothing more he can do for me from this side of heaven ...its just my thoughts..
Anyways I wanted to take a minute just to say THANK YOU to everyone who's been supportive and caring and took time to throw out ideas to help me/us... I pray God will bless each of you and please remember to pray for us as we go through this rest of this journey
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just wanted to jump on for a min and thank you all for your support etc through this journey with my best friend and his pancreatic cancer......my best friend passed into the arms of God last night at 11:14....i'm devastated, heartbroken, and at the moment seems like all i can do is cry...i stayed with him til the end just like i promised...but dang i'm just hurting...idc how much you know its coming, it still hurts...
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7 ReactionsOh, you are so right - it hurts! But you did what you promised, let him go on his own terms and stayed right there with him.
What a blessed friend you are.
I hope memories and friends will eventually ease your sorrow.
Hugs, my thoughts are with you.
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3 ReactionsMay your friend live on in the light and love of the Creator.
I too have said no to the two chemotherapy options offered to me. The doc told me that one might add 4 months the other might add 8 to 12 months to my life.
Last year on chemo I spent a total of 2 months in hospitals. Multiple infections, frequent falls, amputation of a toe…. My life as I knew it was destroyed. I became too weak and had to resign from life giving work I’d had and loved for the past five years. I was sick most of the time, had chemo-brain, was unable to eat…. On and on….
The doctor asked me to reflect upon or think about my choice. When I reported back that I would not continue with chemotherapy I explained to him that ‘if I have only a short period left I want quality of life.’ ‘What use are 8 extra months if the days are spent vomiting, too sick to enjoy extra days.’
Oddly I expected an affirmation of my choice but instead received what seemed to be disappointment in my choice.
Later, at the same session he explained the merits of hospice and pushed me to sign up for it. Fortunately I was aware that once I was a hospice patient he would remove me from his case load turning me over to hospice docs. Fortunately because I want to continue with bimonthly scans and bloodwork as well as an appointment to discuss the results and the progression of my cancer.
When I refused hospice (for the time being ) I explained that I was not ready. I continue to feel well and am able to work pert time. Mostly I am enjoying life as best I can. If there is a need palliative care is available.
He was obviously not pleased. I asked him to please write the orders for the next set of scans, bloodwork, and appointment. He agreed but nothing happened. So I messaged a few times before his nurse indicated the orders would be written and one of his nurse practitioners would in the future be following up with me.
Frankly, from my point of view, it was a lot of stress that I didn’t need.
New scans and bloodwork will take place soon.
This will give me a sense of how things are going; what time might be available and tasks that I need to accomplish.
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3 Reactionsthat was pretty much his attitude, he never left the care of the palliative and oncology team. At the end he was admitted to our local hospital instead of 4 hours away and was there for the last 4.5 days of his life under comfort care.
there is no way your loved ones will ever be completely prepared for when you leave and what your body will go through at the end, but lord he tried to prepare me for it coming...And nothing i had read or had been told really prepared me for it....he had made sure everything was paid for, the only thing he didn't get done was the marker built he wanted.. but he told my husband how to do it... he told me last Wed that he had less than a week left and needed to go to hospice, so he knew...so i started making the arrangements but ended up having to take him to the hospital due to hallucinations etc and he never left there...but like i said I did what i promised, I was beside him...i had literally just laid down on the couch beside him and started the song "Go Rest High on the Mountain" on my phone so he could hear it and when it came to the line "Go to heaven a shouting" i heard him take his final breath.. i felt like that was God telling me he was safe..
I pray your new np will be more compassionate and understanding of your choice...after all as you say, what good is extra days if you're too sick to enjoy them.
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