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I have just started using this site so this is my first message.
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health group.
Hello @georgette12 and welcome to Mayo Connect. You have joined a wonderful online community of folks who are interested in health topics and sharing information about what has helped and encouraged them. Please feel free to share with us as to what brought you to Mayo Connect. Is there a specific health issue you or a family member/freind is dealing with? All of us came to Mayo Connect as a result of some health-related issue and we have found support and help along the journey. We look forward to getting to know you! Best wishes. Teresa
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Hello @chsharpei – I too would like to welcome you to Connect and thank you for talking about a difficult subject. I struggled with alchohol in my younger days but having an alcoholic as a father gave me some incentive to change. I think it can amplify any other problems a person has. Years ago my wife and I were going through some pretty dark times when our son was struggling with mental health issues as a pre-teen. We were both pretty devastated with his diagnosis and situation and could see no light at the end of the tunnel. Someone referred us to a NAMI support group meeting and I hated the idea of going with all the stigma associated with mental illness at the time 30+ years ago. It was probably the only thing that kept us from falling apart mentally. Just being able to talk and share your feelings with others that know what you are going through meant a lot to both of us. I’m hoping that you will find that same safe refuge here on Connect. One thing that I took with me from all of the support group meetings was that as dark and as bad as I felt at any time…it was just that, a moment in time. There is always hope in tomorrow.
Praying for strength and comfort for you. God Bless…
@chsharpei Welcome to Connect, I hope you find some good input and comfort from members who have problems similar to yours. This is a wonderful forum, everyone is very accepting of others and no one criticizes. The moderators are all really great too.
I hope at some point your sons can come to understand what you are have gone through and are going through and that the estrangement can be reversed.
I’m 67, retired, live in central Oregon on ten acres with my wife of 45 years. Our son and daughter are married, and each has a daughter.
You’ve been through some challenging times. I commend you for your perseverance. I’m also glad that your faith sustains you. I know that I’m alive because God’s not done with me yet. Without Him, I’d have given up on life any number of times over the past 12 years.
Welcome to Connect. This is truly a safe place to interact with people who share common experiences, hurts, health issues – both mental and physical – and who will never judge or criticize you.
I have a hard time imagining what it would be like never to see my family. That must be very painful. Our son lives in Indianapolis, so we don’t get to visit them very often, except via Skype, which his 4 year old daughter loves. Our daughter is married to a good man who’s in the Coast Guard, and was just transferred from Boston to Alameda, CA, much closer to us. They spent a week with us on their way across the country.
I’ve been a minister since 1972, and I’m the third generation of ministers. . I had to retire at 55 because of deep depression and suicidal ideation. Doctor’s orders. Fortunately, we had bought a home two years earlier, so we had a place to go. It took 31 trips to move here. Most trips were with the pickup and horse trailer, both loaded high. Each of those 31 trips was 175 miles each way. It took us 3 months! Never again! I call this our “last resort”. From here, I go to Heaven. I hope. By that I mean I hope I don’t have to move to a nursing home or such.
Right now, I have to stop and get ready for bed. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Hi, @chsharpei. I wanted to add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. A huge congratulations to you on the decades of sobriety.
You mentioned depression and bipolar. Wondering if you are experiencing any symptoms of these currently, and if so, if you could tell us about that?
Hello Lisa: I am doing better now, thank you. But during those weeks I was convinced that I had to end my life, and soon. Nothing has changed really. Thinking about that period makes me shudder. I catch myself before I let thoughts drift to what might happen. I still hope that life doesn’t take me much beyond where I am. At 75, I see the slow deterioration. I welcome death, but selfishly hope it comes quietly. My fear is that I may live much longer and with no support system it likely would be disastrous.
@chsharpei, thank you for telling the group a bit more about yourself, especially with a difficult subject like mental health and suicidal thoughts. Every person is so different and gets value from different sources, but I have seen firsthand in this community that posts like yours, that take courage, are beneficial to the larger group and community and have value. You have found the right group to share your concerns and fears with, I hope you keep talking with the group.
@chsharpei Hi Ch, I think we all hope that when death comes it does come quietly and quickly. I thank God that my transplant has renewed my life, it’s been a year this month, but when I was really getting sick at the end and my blood counts went so low I was told I could have a cardiac arrest, I felt very calm about it. If it happened, then so be it. The local hospital did not want to handle it so I was sent by ambulance to Boston to my transplant center. A number of blood transfusions later I was discharged.
JK @contentandwell . I hope you enjoy many more years. I know how at peace we can be when the possibility of death is real. I have peaceful assurance that I’ll be stepping from this life into a much better one in Heaven, singing with angels without becoming hoarse from too much singing. And NO MORE PAIN!! Even on my most stressful days, I can remember what’s ahead for me and for everyone who places their trust in God. I’m totally looking forward to Christ’s return.
I’m so glad you were able to be at peace when you were waiting for the transplant. Can you tell us what brought you that peace, and is it always with you?
Hi, CH @chsharpei . I understand wanting to end the suffering, as I went through an extended period of time when I wanted to end my life. I did make a number of attempts, but each time, to my frustration, when I woke up, I was still here on earth. I was angry that I couldn’t even do that right.
I’ve been in a much safer place over the past few years, though, as I tell my therapist, I still have the suicidal thoughts.
Most of us don’t want to go through a long, painful period of suffering during our last months or years of our lives. Dying peacefully in our sleep and waking up in Heaven is much more desirable.
Do you have knowledge that your health will decline to a disastrous level? Can you picture in your mind what a peaceful process it could be? Sometimes our fears control the outcome. I hope you can set aside those fears, even temporarily, and project a positive future for yourself.
@jimhd I am pretty much at peace with the prospect of dying. I am very happy to have been given more time to spend with my son and daughter though, and I know when the time comes for either me or my husband that it will be very hard for them, particularly my son. He is a very feeling guy and very conscious of the fact that we are not young so he tries to be very there for us, as much as he can be since he lives across the country in CA. I love that he invited us to spend vacation with him in October, in Hawaii. It’s a real splurge but we have not had any vacation in three years so when he suggested it I said YES. I am dreading the flights though. First across the country to CA and then from there to Hawaii. UGH
I think peace comes from believing in an afterlife, and for me part of that is being reunited with loved ones who have already passed away. I envision them welcoming me to my afterlife.
I am 61 and dreading the day my father passes. My mother went three years ago and it started me on a downward spiral knowing my father would be the last one left of parenting. I have always had abondonment issues and the anxiety in the past three years is atrocious. I am trying to work through this but I feel pressure that I have to make peace with him before he goes. He lives right next door to me and it isn’t like we don’t get along but he was very controlling and I have some anger to deal with. I do believe that there is a beautiful place my mother is because she has shown her presence to me.
@mlbaier Many of us also have issues that we cannot get beyond but we have to try to, we are only punishing ourselves when we don’t. My husband is extremely controlling but both of our children love him and very obviously forget just how controlling he was or choose to move beyond that. Frankly for me it’s a bit more difficult because I have lived with it for so long and it has really effected my life.
Please do try to put your anger aside. I try to but sometimes I am not successful at it.
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