Intimacy with Long-Term Partner after Double Mastectomy and Letrozole

@angik, seeing that you are a Mayo Clinic patient, you may also wish to ask about speaking with someone about intimacy after cancer. See this blog written by Dr. Jennifer Vencill, Ph.D., L.P., a psychologist and certified sex therapist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota where she describes cancer’s impact on sex and sexuality:
- How cancer can affect sexual health https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/newsfeed-post/how-cancer-can-affect-sexual-health/

For anyone not treating at Mayo Clinic, many cancer centers include oncology social workers or sex therapists who specialize in working with cancer patients and their partners to navigate sexuality, intimacy and life with and after cancer. You're not alone.

Here is another discussion that brings up related issues of learning to accept the body changes:
- Body Image after mastectomy and reconstructive surgeries https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/body-image-after-mastectomy-and-reconstructive-surgeries/

@angik, thank you for bringing up this topic that is often top of mind and not discussed.

I'm so grateful you brought this topic up -- I don't think it gets discussed enough. The only thing I'll add to the excellent comments already made is that, in my experience, things change over time (thank goodness). It's hard to overestimate the effect AIs have on your body, but again, in my experience, my body seems to have adjusted to them, given time. I noticed it after about 2 years -- I really started feeling more like myself again. I also want to cheer for you talking to someone about it -- I've had chats with my gynecologist that were very helpful. But you may also just need to give it time. You are still a young pup (I can say that because I'm older 🙂 ) and you have many good sexy-fun years ahead as you figure out a new normal.

@angik I agree. It’s hard to know what’s causing what, but reassuring to know that others can be experiencing similar. Sharing our thoughts, experiences and support is such an asset in this unfortunate journey☮️❤️

HI!

I am actually glad you brought this up. Sex and intimacy is really a challenge, when, 1. you don't feel good, and 2. you look awful to your self with all the body changes, and stress of it all. We started off slow, soft talks, back rubs,and massages. This has progressed to making love, very short session, but still making love. Patience is needed on both sides. But, dryness is a problem, so one of the pod casts I listened to mentioned this product for vaginal dryness, and it works!! Good Clean Love, insert vaginally with your own finger, as directed on packaging , a week before sex. it's not 100% but it's much better than no sex! I have always been interested in sex, so this also helps. Good luck I hope this helps. A week prior before sex to get everything less dry.

@angik This is a good site, for all of us to try to help each other. We are all in different stages of treatment, and that can be really helpful. We tend to think that how we feel, is strange, when in fact, it’s exactly how others have felt. We all will do well to remind each other that we are human with human feelings, human reactions, and human needs. I do not know how to get the doctors and nurses to stop for 10 minutes and ASK us, what we might be struggling with. But then again, would we say anything other than “oh, I’m fine”? Maybe that’s the key = when your patient sighs and says I’m fine, ask more questions and offer more help. I do have one surgical PA who sat down with me on my “final” appointment after I was having my check up after the implants were placed, and she said “tell me everything that you are feeling”. The tears began flowing and I told her some things. I didn’t mention the intimate struggles with my husband, but I did say other things. It is sad in our medical world that too often, the docs really aren’t even in control of their schedules, and they are not given more than 15 mins with each patient to ASK about mental health issues. For as much as we are told that the mental and physical health go hand in hand, one or the other is too often ignored.

@marygrannie I teared up at your reply. Validating everything I am feeling/struggling with. Thank you!

@dinnamm thank you! Bonafide Reveree has been a Godsend! I also meet with Mayo’s menopause clinic MD in October and I am sure they will be helpful!

@jlvk thank you! I have struggled with my mental health all my life, though have been stable the last 20 years. I am not sure that it’s the Letrozole that is causing the moods, or the stress of it all. I know that the meds are potentially saving me from recurrence so going off would be a last resort. I appreciate your perspective.

Hello @angik and welcome to this next chapter of reality with breast cancer.
I love what @jlvk posted, what a gracious way to move forward.
I had my initial diagnosis in my 30’s and found that intercourse was no longer physically practical. The atrophy left me bleeding and in pain when we tried.
I am very blessed to have a very understanding husband who was committed to our marriage.
Now 20+ years later, we have entered yet another chapter of our marriage, where we are very comfortable with a deep abiding love and companionship.
Have you had a chance to talk to your gyno doctor about this, I found mine to be a valuable resource?

I am not sure if you are familiar with Kat Tymf. She is politically independent but does the 5 on Fox News. She was very forthcoming with her breast cancer/mastectomy and on to very realistic nipple tattoos that she traveled to an artist who specializes in them. She is very very happy with the results and literally made her feel whole again. I am on Letrozole and I have very few side affects. Except for the twenty into menopause for me. My oncology nurse practitioner recommended a product called Bonafide for their Revaree Plus vaginal moisturizer. It is hormone free. All of their products are also hormone free. I found them to be very realistic. And not feeling like any other lube. It is really nice. I am out over a year and am becoming more interested in sex. I have given it up to God and decided I am not going to live another negative or sad day for the rest of my life. I just got sick of listening to myself. Everyone is different with different needs but that was my way of handling it.