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Intimacy with Long-Term Partner after Double Mastectomy and Letrozole

Posted by angik @angik, Jul 28 7:22pm

My partner (M51) and I (F53) are struggling as a couple ever since my double mastectomy and starting letrozole. My sex drive is really low, though I still find my partner attractive and desirable. He is taking it personally and no matter what I tell him he doesn't understand how all this weighs on me. My body is no longer my own. My head goes into dark places (how could anyone find me attractive like this...). We have been together for nearly 13 years, but my self doubt is getting in the way. He doesn't understand how his attentiveness doesn't help with my insecurities. I have been meeting with the oncology psychologist and am signed up for the cancer stress group therapy this fall. I would love any input of how you found intimacy (emotional and physical) after diagnosis.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Breast Cancer Support Group.

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kissmekate48 | @kissmekate48 | Aug 2 7:18am

I'm so grateful you brought this topic up -- I don't think it gets discussed enough. The only thing I'll add to the excellent comments already made is that, in my experience, things change over time (thank goodness). It's hard to overestimate the effect AIs have on your body, but again, in my experience, my body seems to have adjusted to them, given time. I noticed it after about 2 years -- I really started feeling more like myself again. I also want to cheer for you talking to someone about it -- I've had chats with my gynecologist that were very helpful. But you may also just need to give it time. You are still a young pup (I can say that because I'm older 🙂 ) and you have many good sexy-fun years ahead as you figure out a new normal.

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Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | 5 days ago
In reply to @angik "@dinnamm thank you! Bonafide Reveree has been a Godsend! I also meet with Mayo’s menopause clinic..." + (show)
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@dinnamm thank you! Bonafide Reveree has been a Godsend! I also meet with Mayo’s menopause clinic MD in October and I am sure they will be helpful!

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@angik, seeing that you are a Mayo Clinic patient, you may also wish to ask about speaking with someone about intimacy after cancer. See this blog written by Dr. Jennifer Vencill, Ph.D., L.P., a psychologist and certified sex therapist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota where she describes cancer’s impact on sex and sexuality:
- How cancer can affect sexual health https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/newsfeed-post/how-cancer-can-affect-sexual-health/

For anyone not treating at Mayo Clinic, many cancer centers include oncology social workers or sex therapists who specialize in working with cancer patients and their partners to navigate sexuality, intimacy and life with and after cancer. You're not alone.

Here is another discussion that brings up related issues of learning to accept the body changes:
- Body Image after mastectomy and reconstructive surgeries https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/body-image-after-mastectomy-and-reconstructive-surgeries/

@angik, thank you for bringing up this topic that is often top of mind and not discussed.

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