I'm at a loss, I can't find therapy. Is it me?

Posted by smugzs @smugzs, Nov 30, 2024

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and ASD as an adult. I'm a trauma survivor and complex PTSD are engrained in the very fabric of my being. I'm hyper-vigilant beyond imagination and, as such, I cannot ignore things that are peculiar or seem off.

Childhood trauma was centered around therapists who were triangulated around me to reinforce my parents desire to convince everyone that I was simultaneously to blame for all of the families problems, but also the gold star and trophy for their perfected parenting.

I cannot find a therapist I trust, and I don't know if I'm just being too paranoid. I had a therapist who dropped me for missing 2 appointments within a year. I had another who related to me being Neurodivergent by telling me about her marriage and then, subsequently, getting divorced and spending two entire sessions telling me why his ADHD played a part in it all and then ending our sessions when I started talking about my relationship with my girlfriend.

I've spent the last 5 months looking for new therapy, having therapists overbook themselves and asking me to reschedule, to having therapists mislead me about them being in network with my insurance just to tell me at the end of the intake that they don't take my insurance.

I'm at a loss
Seriously, is this my fault?
-Chris, 45 (he/him/his)

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meeshodge | @meeshodge | Dec 2, 2024

I have also struggled the last 11 months to find a therapist who takes insurance. No one cares about mental health. I had a great therapist before we moved out of state.

BeBold | @bebold | Dec 2, 2024

1. Id you are in an HMO, call then for names in your network - esp that can also do virtual if the cover as ots good to have online option if you don't feel good.

2. Report these bad unethical therapists to your insurance company, file a complaint for their behavior. Therapists are not airlines who overbook. Don't book two at a time in case one doesn't show up. Driving while doing therapy I'm not sure is legal as they are not focused on you. And what if ypu are talking to them and they get into a wreck. Trauma for you! Not ok. You get 100% focus. These are absurd scenarios and none legal.

If licensed, report them to the board and my all means, I hope you aren't still seeing any of them.

3. Read books about what to expect in therapy. Definitely do a free 15 minute interview and plan on several appts before deciding if they match you.

4. Watch therapists on youtube, some you can communicate with. Check Kati Morton's many many videos. Read what others do. Read what normal therapy looks like. Insist on boundaries esp if the feel too strict to you. You have never been shown boundaries by your family nor by therapists. Very few personal stories and only if there is a healing reason. Therapy is about you. They can/should! get their own therapist. Report them to the hmo.

Rrad about what it means to be in therapy. What is appropriate for you also. No shows are a good reason to be fired unless there is a really good reason and then you pay out of pocket for missed sessions. This is her income yoy play with. Commit and be there, or arrange ahead of time for day off, they do too.

Just ghosting no-show without contact at all after is just no! Its rude and disrespectful. So I don't blame them firing you and I'm thinking there is something missing in the story. If I no-showed, my therapist would know there is something very very wrong and should be very concerned. I send a portal note if I'm going to be 5 minutes late!

smugzs | @smugzs | Dec 30, 2024

Update: I finally found a therapist at a clinic that accepts my insurance. So far it is going well, and seems like a very good fit. Thank you everyone for the thoughtful comments and support!